Help please. :( As I go back to work tomorrow I find myself laying in bed fighting the tears. My fear that people are always talking about me is so bad to the point I want to call of work. This struggle is so hard to deal with. I am trying to remember that this is in my head and not real. :(

I’ve been spiraling since a workplace incident last Thursday. I had an uncomfortable and tense interaction with a colleague, and it triggered a lot of obsessive rumination. I spent the whole weekend crying, panicking, and replaying everything that happened. Today, I went back to work — and it was really hard. Everyone acted like nothing happened. They joke with him, treat him normally, even though he bullied me and I’m just… sitting there. I didn’t greet him, and he didn’t greet me. I kept to myself, answered questions when I had to, but didn’t socialize. Now I feel scared. Like I’m walking on eggshells. I keep thinking: “What if I say something wrong?” “What if I make a mistake and they say, ‘You see? She’s the problem’? Acting holier than thou & she's a bigot too!" I know this is partly my OCD and trauma talking, but it feels so real. Like I’m one wrong move away from being blamed or alienated. I’ve even started eating lunch in my car to feel safe. I’m trying so hard to hold boundaries, stay professional, and protect my peace. But I’m exhausted. I feel like a shell of myself and I’m scared I’ll break. I was already a little on eggshells cause most of my colleagues say or do something bigoted every now & then...my bigotry ocd is always scared that when I don't confront them. I'm condoning it & becoming them. I'm exhausted. I want to work remotely so I can stay isolated from people. I don't think I'll ever heal from this. I feel like this incident is one of those that permanently changes you. Like when my parents & siblings says I'm not the same anymore. I'm more panicked etc.

OCD can be so isolating. I’m in a health anxiety spiral and struggling at work. I feel like I am failing everywhere and feeling very alone. My support system is tired of hearing about my fears, health wise and work wise. I find myself crying a lot. I don’t particularly enjoy doing anything anymore. I feel like I just can’t get comfortable in my skin or my head sometimes. I’m not sure how to else to describe it. Like nothing soothes me or makes it better. Even sleep is bad dreams and waking up anxious all night. I’ve always felt different from everyone else but when I’m on meds I can fake it better and I feel more connected. I want to go back on SSRI’s but I’ve been dealing with health issues and the meds exacerbate them so am delaying for the time being

Hi guys! I had really bad harm ocd about 2 years ago and I went through therapy and eventually got really good at handling it when it would pop up. The other day, I was scrolling on TikTok and came across a girl talking about a guy who was presenting a lot of schizophrenic symptoms but no one paid attention and got him help, he was having a lot of delusions, hallucinating, thinking everyone was out to get him, thought he was Jesus and his dad was the president and ended up doing horrific things. The day after that, I was dealing with some work drama and had the thought of “what if all my coworkers are against me and trying to get me fired”. That really stressed me out, cause I don’t normally think about them like that and I went down a rabbit hole of thinking that was the beginning of me developing schizophrenia, ended up googling stuff all night, taking tests, crying and seeking reassurance. I had a thought the other day “your dad is the president”, this one didn’t stress me out as bad as I knew it was just the video I had seen and it was an intrusive thought about it, and I also didn’t believe it. Today I was with some friends and I got a prize at a place we went and it said “lonely” on it. I do have my moments of feeling lonely and this week has been specifically trying so I had a thought like “oh someone’s out to get me cause I got this”. I know this isn’t logical and it wouldn’t make sense to just randomly get it if someone was truly after me and it was just a stupid prize at a random place, anyone could’ve gotten it. Im just struggling a lot with schizophrenic OCD and thinking I’m in the pre stages of it. In my good moments, I don’t think I am at all and it was all just sparked from the video I watched but in my bad moments, these thoughts feel real!! They really stress me out and make me feel like I’m going to lose my mind causing me to lose my job/ end up in a psych hospital/ never live a normal life/ end up alone, never see me my loved ones/ hurt my loved ones. I just want to feel normal and not like I’m about to lose my mind and everything I care about. Please help!!! Anyone else going through something similar and can help me get through this!