I don’t even know how to explain it but can ocd make you feel less guilt? Can it make you feel the wrong things does that make sense? I’m struggling with a certain intrusive thought that makes me question whether or not I like/want it when I know deep down that can’t be true but it feels so convincing and it’s like I don’t even feel guilt but I should…it’s so weird. I don’t get it I really don’t. I guess the best thing for me to do is try to ignore it. The intrusive thought was so bad why does it feel the opposite of what it should be. I don’t know how to explain. Anyone experienced this too? What can I do to know for sure? How can I get some clarity. I know this may sound weird but part of me wants to go around the person it was about and see if that will help but I honestly don’t want to go around them because what if it makes it worse. I care about this family member and would literally do anything to protect them and make sure no harm comes to them. So why is my mind doing this to me?

There are moments when something takes over me, like I have to fight myself (literally restrain myself) from acting on my thoughts, like causing harm to my parents or brother. I get these feelings that feel so real, like they are genuinely my own. There are moments when I feel like I like them, and it makes me question whether this is truly OCD or if it's me. Then I wonder whether this is me lying to myself, because I feel the urge to smile at the thought, or feel like I have some pleasure. I check whether I like them, and then I feel like I do, so I stop immediately. I feel like my old self is gone, and I've become this person, and that it was never OCD. Right now, as I type this, I feel like I'm lying to myself. There are moments when I feel like my brain splits, as if this is my new personality. Or there are moments when I feel like it might feel liberating or freeing if I do it. I genuinely feel like this is not OCD. There are moments when I stop the thought, and I feel like it's out of principle, as if I don't truly want to stop at that thought. I truly can't picture this to be my life now. I never had these thoughts in my life until two and a half months ago. It truly makes me question whether it was OCD. I don't get why. I used to view my family as my world, and now my mind is making me scared and feel like my room is my only safe place from them, from me.

Recently i got stuck in a loop with a terrible intrusive thought about my boyfriend. it’s been rattling in my mind and i feel disgusted and scared and like an evil horrible person. i keep saying things like “intrusive thoughts attack who/what you care about the most” but i think my compulsion (researching; looking up ocd intrusive thoughts and watching others experiencing the same thing) had made it hard to believe that. Im not super concerned about the harm portion because im beating it but now its turned me numb towards my boyfriend after feeling so guilty and scared and everything. i just don’t know what to do its like my body and brain is trying to push me away. we also spend every single day together so im wondering if maybe thats why its so bad? like i feel AWFUL. and i cant stop crying and i havent told him any of this because i don’t want to scare him or make him think im crazy. any tips or words would be appreciated.

I genuinely can’t seem to catch a break. I’m looping again. I’m worried because I’m having incestuous thoughts about my boyfriend’s family, which also makes this a POCD-type thought. I’ve been imagining two of his family members in a sexual scenario. Mentally, it feels like I like this thought or that I want to think about it. I keep checking because I’m not disturbed at all, even though I know I shouldn’t check. I tried replacing both people with other people and different scenarios. With those, I clearly rejected it and didn’t like it. But with the original scenario, it still feels like I like it, and I don’t understand why. I want to stop checking, but every time I do, I feel a strong pull to continue. I’m anxious because this is such a bad thought, it doesn’t feel bad but I know that if I shared this out loud it would be not good. It involves people very close to my boyfriend. I’m so stressed that I feel like I’m feeling nothing at the same time. I really don’t know what to do. I just want to know if anyone else has experienced this with taboo themes, when it feels like you “like” the thought mentally.