- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
Not sure if I have much advice cause I'm in the thick of it myself, similar situation except I've always identified as bi and it's my soocd that tells me I'm not attracted to men at all, just women. I dread the fact that I can't go back to the way I felt before, so carefree and in love
- Date posted
- 4y
Definitely understand wanting to go back being carefree and in love. I have a boyfriend and I see him in 2 weeks. I’m worried about a bunch of things but mostly worried that I’m not gonna feel the same… but what hurts most is that I believe none of this would be happening if it weren’t for my theme happening in June
- Date posted
- 4y
@Whyyocd What do you mean about June? I'm not sure I understand the connection
- Date posted
- 4y
@Whatabtme June 2021 is when I started having intrusive thoughts about whether or not I was gay. “What if I’m gay?” and etc. Like I would be questioning “what if I don’t feel the same about my boyfriend when he comes back?” and a bunch of other what’s ifs, if I didn’t have SOOCD
- Date posted
- 4y
@Whyyocd Oh ok I understand now, yeah I'm sure that's super triggering for you, maybe even traumatic
- Date posted
- 4y
@Whyyocd My hardest thing is intimacy, I can never see it the same way again, it scares me, I don't enjoy it cause all I think about is dreading the soocd comes up if I get intimate with my bf
- Date posted
- 4y
@Whatabtme I honestly do want to say it’s traumatic because of the constant intrusive images and scenarios and groinal responses with like any woman. It could be somebody passing by, someone I was talking to, social media, and etc. but I feel dumb for saying that because of real traumatic experiences. I just hope I don’t ruin my relationship 😞
- Date posted
- 4y
@Whatabtme Are you in therapy? Yeahhhhh I’m a virgin and I’m also worried about intimacy because of SOOCD but also because of normal virgin worries
- Date posted
- 4y
@Whyyocd It's not dumb, ocd is definitely traumatic! No one deserves to go through it but it doesn't stop it from happening unfortunately. I have felt that way many times like I'm gonna ruin my relationship but I just wanna tell you that won't happen, it's not possible to "ruin" a relationship bc of ocd, that's your ocd trying to guilt you. Believe me when I say that ocd happens to us, it's not something we choose, sending compassion your way and hope you can share a little compassion with yourself too 💜having ocd doesn't make us bad
- Date posted
- 4y
@Whatabtme Thank you so much 🥺💗
- Date posted
- 4y
@Whyyocd Yes I'm in therapy with nocd. I completed the 12 week part of it back in the spring and have been doing checkups with my nocd therapist about once a month since then
- Date posted
- 4y
@Whatabtme I know therapists tell us to let the thought pass even during an intimate moment :/ maybe when you’re having a really good day, you can be spontaneously intimate with your boyfriend! And then it’ll be easier to not associate those thoughts with intimacy
- Date posted
- 4y
@Whyyocd That's a great suggestion! Thank you :)
- Date posted
- 4y
@Whatabtme You’re welcome :)
- Date posted
- 1y
@Whyyocd hello, im in the same situation right now how do you feal today?
- Date posted
- 1y
@syl47 I actually don’t deal with SOOCD anymore :) I might have some passing intrusive thoughts every once in awhile but it’s basically gone
- Date posted
- 1y
@Whyyocd so happy for you! how did you do it ?
- Date posted
- 1y
@syl47 Thank you! It’s obviously a lot easier said than done but I accepted the possibility that I could be Bi. I’ll still have moments where I question what all the thoughts and etc meant but with ERP it really helped a lot and I have a boyfriend and know I want to be with a man ❤️
- Date posted
- 38w
I go through this throughout the day when my SOOCD is bad. Don’t get frustrated! It might be not because your attraction is gone, it’s because you’re OCD is hyper focused on your attraction. Think about it like a test. If I’m thinking too hard about a hard question I’m not sure of the answer for, I’m going to hyper fixate on getting that question right (your anxious thoughts), instead of the other easy questions. The minute you tell yourself to skip that question, you’re able to finish the test. Your answer for that question may be unsure, or maybe you left it blank. You still have the finish the test (your day) regardless of how the test went. That test may change your views on your test taking skills, studying tactics, your focus or testing (sexuality/attraction) in general. Don’t be scared or discouraged if you don’t feel the same as before. Though you may not feel anxious, or feeling thoughts, the damage from those thoughts is still there.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
I’ve tried accepting the uncertainty, I’ve accepted I may be gay, bi or still straight. I’ve tried doing ERP myself to the best I can. When I accept that I’m gay or bi why doesn’t my head agree and move on? Why does it still question it? I know I don’t want to be at all. I love my family. But I just want this to move on. I want to enjoy life. Why can’t I find women attractive again? (Brief moments I do). I seriously don’t understand the false attraction? I’ve tried agreeing with it but it won’t let this drop. Why am I attracted to the same sex? Why am I attracted to people I would never thought of looking at? Why does it give me such grief about this? I know I shouldn’t look at adult content but why can I only feel good watching either lesbian or females? I tried to agree with the gay but it makes me sick and horrendous I even considered this? I just want my life back.
- Date posted
- 18w
I’ve recovered from HOCD before and got my attraction and my usual actual identity back. I was recovered from end 2022- start 2025 until I got triggered UGHHH😭 My HOCD is REALLY trying to convince me and it’s SO annoying cause I genuinely don’t want these thoughts. I know I naturally like men and always have done so. I can’t wait for my first therapy session in two days Omg! I need your advice, not necessarily reassurance, but more advice? My HOCD is throwing random “proof” I did/ saw as a child in my face, which back then had no meaning in my life and I continued to live a perfectly heterosexual life. I’ve educated myself about arousal non concordance / child’s play, but it still doesn’t remove the HOCD. I’ve read therapists great explanations on how it’s not a sexuality issue, BUT ITS AN OCD BRAIN ISSUE. So basically I’ve been straight and i will die as straight. But my ocd is still continuing with the intrusive thoughts/flashbacks. I’ve had some moments where I haven’t done as many compulsions and had less anxiety but still had those damn thoughts and I DO NOT want those damn thoughts. I have so much proof and factual/logical explanations but HOCD is still continuing to thrive. I absolutely hate this and I feel so alone. I wish there was a reset button cause I don’t want these thoughts to happen. I want a man and I stand by that. How do y’all deal with these situations? Cause sitting with the thoughts is clearly not helping.
- Students with OCD
- Young adults with OCD
- Mid-life adults with OCD
- Sexual Orientation OCD
- Older adults with OCD
- Date posted
- 12w
Hey everyone, I’m reaching out because I’ve been going through one of the hardest mental spirals of my life, and I’m hoping someone can relate or shed light on what’s happening to me. About 4 months ago, I accidentally came across a trans porn scene. It didn’t do much at the time, but later it triggered this overwhelming intrusive thought: “What if I’m gay?” Since then, it’s been absolute hell. I’ve always been into women—emotionally, sexually, everything. I’ve been in a long-term relationship with a girl I love deeply. But after that moment, my brain started spiraling into nonstop analysis. I began checking how I felt around men, whether I felt attraction, whether I was in denial, whether I was lying to myself. Literally everything became a test. I got stuck in this loop: • A thought pops in → panic • Try to solve it → brief relief • Another thought → worse panic • Repeat. At times, it got so bad I couldn’t feel anything at all—toward my girlfriend, toward women, toward myself. I started doubting everything. Some days, I feel emotionally flat, like I’ve lost my personality. Other days, I wake up with a full-body jolt of “truth” like “I’m definitely gay”—only for it to fade into numbness again. I’ve also noticed that I get short bursts of peace when I stop reacting, but then the fear comes back louder, like “See? Now you’re accepting it. That means it’s true.” Therapy hasn’t helped much so far—it felt more like general counseling. They told me to sit with the thoughts, but didn’t clarify if this was OCD, identity questioning, or trauma. That just made it worse because now I’m back to thinking “What if I’m just rejecting my truth?” I’m exhausted. I’ve lost connection to everything I used to love. • I want to love my girl again the way I used to • I want to feel desire without overthinking • I want to trust myself again I’m not looking for reassurance—I just want to know if anyone else has gone through something like this, and if this sounds like HOCD or identity OCD. Thanks for reading.
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond