What happened to me was two things. I was attracted to other men in my relationship which made me uncomfortable and I sub pressed my sex drive because of it two I was able to recognize when a woman was physically attractive but it’s not like I wanted to do anything
So I’m dealing with relationship ocd and sexual orientation ocd. I’ve been in a long term relationship and I love my boyfriend. But when this all started I questioned if I loved my boyfriend and if I was even attracted to him. Then my so ocd kicked in when I remembered things from my childhood of me thinking some female celebrities were so pretty and etc and not I feel like my whole life is a lie and what if I’m gay. It really makes me spiral out of control honestly because I feel like I need an answer. Growing up when I would find a girl attracted I always thought of it in a way of being jealous like oh I wish I was that pretty not that I would want a romantic relationship. But now I also question that too
It started with a wave of bad thoughts about a friend. That day I had cried and panicked over it, I didn't want to feel like that towards that person. The next day I saw my girlfriend and that helped me a lot. But then she left to go home and that made the doubt return. I'd say it's been hell. Since then my girlfriend broke up with me because she lost feelings for me and didn't tell me so she faked it for a month. So I feel somewhat lost at times but I got diagnosed recently so thats kept me somewhat stable. I miss the simplicity of knowing. What helps is living life, try to ignore the feeling of wanting to stay in bed and just loath. You gotta pick yourself up.
The simplicity of knowing. Yup I feel that you said it perfectly. My ocd just makes me think that ocd is a cult against gay people and turning to make me not gay. Now I know that’s not true, but when I’m in a bad eposide and my “what if’s” start that’s what comes to my head and it just gets really bad because I think my whole life is a lie.
Thank you though this helped a lot. You got this!
Same here. A book called Brain Lock helped despite it not having examples of ROCD and SOOCD, it still applies. Also Chrissie Hodges youtube videos help a lot, like really a lot, she explains what's "normal" for SOOCD and that it's not you but your brain. I also did self exposures like online shopping, watching TV that I had been avoiding and now I'm having more good days than bad