I miss the old me 😔 I miss enjoying my boyfriend without questioning if I'm even attracted to men at all. Just feeling low....

Wow, that's a long time, and was soocd always the theme you dealt with?

Same, I've had a but if other themes but this one changed my life and has been pretty much there since it started, I've only had brief periods where it subsides and I can feel normal, but they only ever last about a week

@Whatabtme Can I ask what made you realize you were bi?

@Tan??? I really feel like I shouldn't answer that question, i know it may be harmless but typically people with soocd asking that question its a compulsion usually to compare your ocd symptoms (which can feel so real) with the answer of what made someone realize their identity, etc. I won't answer cause I don't wanna make your ocd worse, almost every time I mention on this app that I have identified as bisexual with soocd people ask me this question. I have wanted to ask lesbians the same question to achieve some sort of compulsion with my own ocd, but trust me it doesn't help, only creates more ocd distress. I know it's so intense though. I honestly have been through hell and back back my soocd to the point where bisexual is just the simplest label I can think of, but most of the time I'd rather not even label.my sexuality at all cause ocd has made me endlessly confused about it for years

@Whatabtme Did you identify as bi before soocd

@Tan??? Yes and before I met my current boyfriend too.

@Whatabtme Does your attraction to women feel good

@Tan??? Like when you were questioning first

@Tan??? You're literally asking the same types of questions I said I couldn't answer lol, I don't mean to be harsh I'm just trying to help you resist this. No matter how you frame these questions, i feel like you are still trying to compare some aspect of your story to mine, which isn't going to give you any clarity about yourself when ocd is involved.

@Whatabtme No labeling feels so freeing. Just like okay i am what I am and maybe there’s not even a name for it.

@BingBong1! That’s great. How have you been navigating without a label?

@Legallyocd Well previously I think it’s how I kept the ocd at bay for a few years. I just came back to that realization like an hour ago and already able to take fuller breaths.

@BingBong1! I love that, that has helped me a lot in the past with my soocd. Just taking some pressure off of myself. But sometimes when I'm really in the thick of it, like I have been lately, it doesn't comfort me, and I start to obsess over it. I just hate how ocd can just morph and shift into new forms all the time

@Whatabtme For sure. I feel like the unpredictable waves might be the most debilitating part. I’m at a lull in the chop n I’m soakin it in preparing for the next crash. I think when it’s rly bad the best thing to do is let time pass without action. Or maybe connecting with someone or something I love.

@BingBong1! That's a really good point. When the waves hit hard my first reaction is to fight and squirm really hard against it. I get compulsive, ruminate, and think 24 7 about my fears and that's what I've been doing lately. I know from past experience that I need to stop fighting it and try and make myself as comfy as possible while I wait for the intensity to pass.

@Whatabtme Me too!!! Initial reaction is to reject reject reject. And it makes it so much worse!!!!!! It’s like morning til bedtime internal reasoning and reassuring and ruminating. It’s exhausting.

@BingBong1! Oh I hear you! And I feel for you. It's totally draining and impossible to describe to people who don't experience it themselves

Im sorry to hear that :( maybe we can help each other feel less alone. How long have you been with your partner/had ocd? I've been having soocd for 2 years but been with my bf for 4 years

Thank you for saying that <3 I don't feel like me most of the time, don't even know who me is lol

@Whatabtme I know how you feel. I’m in recovery and finally feeling more like myself again. It gets better! Don’t forget that YOU are in control of how you react to intrusive thoughts/urges/sensations. Be strong and don’t give into compulsions because they’ll only make you feel worse. You got this ❤️

@Anonymous Thank you! I'm glad you are working on recovery and finding some freedom! That's amazing.

No but I get scared sometimes that I won’t like it or it won’t be as intense

Personally, that is the reason I avoid intimacy with my boyfriend. Cause I had always identified as bisexual, but the ocd makes me afraid that I'm not attracted to men at all. So intimacy is this scary thing for me now 😳

@Whatabtme I just need clarification if I don’t desire to have sex with a woman and I don’t like lesbian porn can I still be a lesbian or bisexual in denial

@Tan??? I can't answer that, don't have the ability to answer it nor would I if I could cause it's feeding a compulsion.

@Whatabtme I really just need an answer this once

@Tan??? It feels like you need it because your ocd wants it, but you actually don't need it. You will survive without having the answer. And you will be the better for it because you're not giving in. Trust me.

@Whatabtme Exactly this stuff is really crazy because im literally trying to yea h myself to be okay with being bi or mostly straight or just accept that no is 100% only attracted to one sex but my mind will not let me not answer this question.