I am going to university soon and I am terrified of making new female friends incase I realise I like one of them. And I feel like the fact that I’m even worried about that shows that maybe this is real. :( What if after 7 years I should just finally try to accept that it was true all along?

I have no idea what’s real or not! It feels real and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with the rest of my life :(

@b13 it may feel real but it is temporary ! these thoughts and feelings is like a black cloud like makes you doubt everything but when you pop out of it, you do start to see things clearer and realised what you were thinking was so silly

@mm3 It’s been 7 years on and off :(. I completely get you though, there have been so many times that I’ve been like omg this is so stupid what am I doing. But because I always fall back into it I feel like it must be true if you get me. And it’s been so long so there must be some truth to it. Ahhh idk it just feels like a lot of evidence to be not true. I’m scared to even attempt therapy because I’m convinced I’ll just find out it was true. Sorry to rant to you, thank you for taking the time to answer.

@b13 I understand you, mine’s been 6 years on and off, and I got a particularly bad trigger last year and it’s been almost non stop since. I also worry that because it’s been so long (and even when I don’t have anxiety or a bad spike these thoughts are still there) then there must be some truth to it. I’ve had lots of “this is stupid” moments where I’ve realised the thoughts are daft, and then fallen back into the cycle straight away. I can’t even watch my favourite films anymore because if there’s a pretty girl in it, I start overthinking and panicking. I’ve even started feeling awkward watching romantic scenes between a man and woman even though before I’d always fangirl and then crush on the guy! It’s an absolute nightmare.

@gingernutter I felt the same with university and jobs Do you guys get trigwred by masc lesbians like finding them attractive

@Tan??? Occasionally, my brain pretty much latches onto anything at this point, it mistakes admiration for attraction, which is really irritating

@b13 that’s how you know it’s the ocd talking ! You can try get help or be miserable It’s not worth wasting time over feeling like this when we can be living our best lives

@gingernutter Me too about the movie/tv scenes! It also affects my reading too. I used to love romance books and now I can’t read them. I was actually in the middle of one a few months ago and now I can’t pick it up back up because it’ll stress me out.