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- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
YES I completely understand this ! I’ve had this thought but with starting a new job and the feelings that come with it
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- 3y
I have no idea what’s real or not! It feels real and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with the rest of my life :(
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- 3y
@b13 it may feel real but it is temporary ! these thoughts and feelings is like a black cloud like makes you doubt everything but when you pop out of it, you do start to see things clearer and realised what you were thinking was so silly
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- 3y
@mm3 It’s been 7 years on and off :(. I completely get you though, there have been so many times that I’ve been like omg this is so stupid what am I doing. But because I always fall back into it I feel like it must be true if you get me. And it’s been so long so there must be some truth to it. Ahhh idk it just feels like a lot of evidence to be not true. I’m scared to even attempt therapy because I’m convinced I’ll just find out it was true. Sorry to rant to you, thank you for taking the time to answer.
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- 3y
@b13 I understand you, mine’s been 6 years on and off, and I got a particularly bad trigger last year and it’s been almost non stop since. I also worry that because it’s been so long (and even when I don’t have anxiety or a bad spike these thoughts are still there) then there must be some truth to it. I’ve had lots of “this is stupid” moments where I’ve realised the thoughts are daft, and then fallen back into the cycle straight away. I can’t even watch my favourite films anymore because if there’s a pretty girl in it, I start overthinking and panicking. I’ve even started feeling awkward watching romantic scenes between a man and woman even though before I’d always fangirl and then crush on the guy! It’s an absolute nightmare.
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- 3y
@gingernutter I felt the same with university and jobs Do you guys get trigwred by masc lesbians like finding them attractive
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- 3y
@Tan??? Occasionally, my brain pretty much latches onto anything at this point, it mistakes admiration for attraction, which is really irritating
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- 3y
@b13 that’s how you know it’s the ocd talking ! You can try get help or be miserable It’s not worth wasting time over feeling like this when we can be living our best lives
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- 3y
@gingernutter Me too about the movie/tv scenes! It also affects my reading too. I used to love romance books and now I can’t read them. I was actually in the middle of one a few months ago and now I can’t pick it up back up because it’ll stress me out.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
I’m 25 and never ever thought this before my soocd relapse. I have a bf of 5 years. Never been a high libido kinda girl. Don’t get me wrong I do get turned on by my bf but not like every day you know? - That had always been in the back of my head, is this normal and ok? But my ocd has latched onto the most scariest what if EVER. My brain is now saying How do you know you won’t prefer to sleep and kiss girls if you haven’t tried it: and it’s that unknown that is scaring the shit out of me. I DONT AND NEVER HAVE wanted to sleep / kiss a girl. But now my intrusive thoughts is all I think about!!! I don’t want I don’t want I don’t want??? So why does my brain think BUT WHAT IF??? I know ocd thrives off uncertainty which is why I think this is happening? But I don’t wanna find out or work it out because all I want is to be with my bf and marry him!! Is this just the epitome of OCD?
- Mid-life adults with OCD
- "Pure" OCD
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- 12w
trigger warning!!!!!! I’m really scared right now. I’ve been reading Elle Warren’s articles about her experience with HOCD/SO-OCD, and it feels so similar to mine. She went through the same fears of being a lesbian, felt distressed by her attraction to women, and spent hours ruminating, Googling, and analyzing her feelings. She even experienced groinal responses and revisited old memories, just like I do. Eventually, she had a moment of realization in college when she flirted with a girl, and everything clicked. She now identifies as a lesbian. I’m terrified that the same thing will happen to me. I thought the OCD fears were supposed to never be true and that HOCD thoughts are usually just compulsions that don’t end up being real. But reading her story, it’s like I’m seeing my own experience mirrored. What if it clicks for me, just like it did for her? What if I realize that I am a lesbian? Elle’s story makes me so scared. I thought my feelings of attraction to women were just OCD-driven, and now I’m questioning everything. I thought I was straight, but now, reading her journey, I’m wondering: could my OCD fears actually be real? Elle’s experience was very similar to mine: • She got distressed when she thought she might like women, not relieved. • She spent a lot of time ruminating, Googling, analyzing, and comparing. • Her attraction to women only became intense when her OCD flared up. • She said things like, “I feel peace when I believe I’m straight.” • She had already been diagnosed with OCD and had a history of this pattern. After years of fear and distress, Elle had a moment of calm and realized that it was true. I’m scared that this could happen to me too. Will I have a similar moment of acceptance, where everything clicks and I realize I’m gay? Or will I come to accept that this is all OCD, and that I’m straight, with the possibility that I’m not? I also keep thinking back to when my OCD lessened the first time. Did I go back to men because I wasn’t actually attracted to women, or was it just because the grip of the OCD had loosened? Elle also talked about the shame associated with non-heterosexuality. She mentioned that, like many of us, she had internalized stigma around being gay, and that it made her fear the possibility of being non-heterosexual. I can relate to this so much—growing up, I never saw it as an option to be anything other than straight, and now it’s hard to shake that fear and shame. Elle mentioned that she found reassurance in seeing other people with HOCD who worried that their fears would come true, but eventually realized they were just OCD thoughts. That idea is comforting, but also a little scary, because what if that moment of realization happens for me too? What if I finally accept that I am a lesbian? Or, what if I’m just struggling with OCD and eventually realize I’m straight? I just don’t know. The scariest part is that, just like Elle, I feel like I don’t have any obvious signs. She had no idea she was a lesbian until one day, everything clicked. She was 21, just like me when my OCD fears really flared up, and she had a breakthrough moment in Denver when she made friends with lesbians. That hasn’t happened for me yet, and it’s terrifying to think that it could happen in the future. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m really scared about where this will lead.
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- 6w
The whole crux of this telling me that I’m a lesbian is because I think women are pretty. I know there is a lot more involved with actually being a lesbian than that. Now the thought what if you’re just bi came into my head. It’s causing some anxiety but at the same time I don’t actually like women. Like I like women as friends, but that’s it. I’ve never liked one as anything more than as a friend. But because of loss of attraction and false attraction I find like every woman beautiful and my thoughts are like, see I told you so. Yes, my anxiety is down. Yes, I know these are just thoughts. But sometimes I still get freaked out. Like even putting all this int existence on here I can see how silly this all sounds and how OCD this all sounds. Does anyone else identify with this in anyway? I just want to know I’m not alone.
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