Today it hit me just how much OCD can distort reality. It’s been a few months since my SOOCD started to ease a lot, and I’m now at a place where I definitely wouldn’t qualify as having the theme (although that’s not to say my mental health is great even without the burden of that theme). My life revolved around the possibility that I was bi but in denial. It was all I thought about. In the shower, in school, with my friends, with my family, walking down the street, shopping, eating, and even sleeping. I was so fixated on the possibility, that it started to manifest into a reality, through groinals, intrusive thoughts and a whole host of unwanted feelings. I wasn’t myself, at all. But nobody was aware of the misery I was going through. I don’t really know what happened… but something did. I wish I knew exactly what it was so it could become advice for others in the same situation I was in, but I was so preoccupied with life, school and friends that it wasn’t apparent to me what transition had occurred, or why. I began to regain my attraction to men that had been so blurry and weird whilst I was in the deep end with SOOCD. The groinals stopped, I started to see women as I had before, beautiful, but not erotic in anyway, the dreams stopped, the thoughts & doubts became few and far between, and when they WERE there, they were so mild that rumination was mostly non existent. I was myself again. And it felt great. I went from not even being able to HEAR the words bisexual, or lesbian, or LGBTQ, or denial without panicking, to it meaning virtually NOTHING to me. I know this post doesn’t give any explicit advice, but I hope it can act as some encouragement for people with SOOCD, or ANY theme for that matter who feel hopeless. I felt hopeless too. It things can’t change in ways you’d never expect them to. Don’t assume that you can predict everything in your life, because that’s far from the truth. Life is inherently unpredictable, for better and for worse, and embracing that unpredictability is the best thing you can do. Sending my love to you all!

Just wanted to give some hope to those who are having ocd spikes, spirals and worries. This past year I have regained my life back. I went from beginning to isolate myself, being convinced by my ocd that my hobbies are bad and that I should avoid things I enjoyed, and having constant panic attacks. With the work of IOP, psychiatry and nocd, I have made great strives towards my future. I now don’t avoid things and instead embrace my life and ANY possibility that may come. Don’t let the ocd bully you. Yes, I have intrusive thoughts still but I am able to go about my day instead of obsessing over them. You can find this too. I encourage anyone on the fence to please seek help if you are in a tough time, it can literally save your life.

Struggling with TOCD has probably been the hardest theme I’ve had to deal with so far For reference. I’m a gay male 20yr old Before this theme I was so open with my gender expression, love drag and used to do it for a time. A lot of my friends are trans women and my whole life is queer When this theme hit. It’s like I completely lost who I was. Questioning everything I enjoyed, not participating in anything because it triggered me so heavily. I went through a whole gender journey awhile back and the trans path never spoke to me when I looked into it. I love my physique and my face but now when I look into the mirror i feel like a shell of who I was. I can’t find any sort of pure enjoyment without the accompanying “what if” or “you’re this” intrusive thought I still enjoy how I look. I’ve not looked in the mirror and felt like anything is missing from me or needs to be taken away I just feel like a spectator in my life while this disease tells me I’m not who I know myself to be I affirm myself every day I know who I am and it may change in the future but that’s not important. It’s highly unlikely it will but it may! Giving into the uncertainty has been so hard but it’s worth it! My ocd has really picked up since getting into my first serious relationship I care about my boyfriend with my whole heart but over the course of our relationship my themes have included Health Relationship Irreality Harm I just want to be who I was again before this current theme it feels unbearable to live like this BUT! I’m seeking appropriate treatment and not giving into a majority of compulsions I just wanted to write this to see if anyone can relate and if they do. Know that you will overcome this! I know I will and you will too

Feeling hopeful. Pasta days I’ve felt pretty much myself. My attraction to the opposite gender has come back in stages. False attraction to same gender is there but not as near strong as before. It’s like my brain knows it’s OCD. I have been through hell in the past months, really really severe SOOCD. But I see the that this does not define who I am and my values! Keep strong and fight on.