I could use any kind words/guidance. I'm not trying to ask for reassurance thats not my intention I'm just explaining my thought process. Any helpful tips would be appreciated. Hey guys. I am a female who struggles with sexual orientation ocd. It's completely taken over my life. In the beginning, (Nov 2019) I was convinced I was just gay and felt like I was lying to my parents and family about who I was because these feelings were so new. This is something that I've been obsessing over daily. I always had this fear of being gay since I was a little girl and I think I convinced myself that if I think another girl is beautiful that it's because I'm gay. Now keep in mind I've never looked at a girl and thought "Omg I want to kiss her, date her etc" but because I associated being gay as something else since I was little, that's what I have convinced myself as. I even tried self exposure therapy, like googling "hot girls" and scrolling down the pics and making sure I don't look at a girl and want to be with her, and although I don't view females that way, it has turned into a compulsion. I've always been a girly girl and I love looking at other girls makeup, outfits and just girls in general because I have always compared myself to others. Now I feel that I'm gay because of that. In the beginning I felt fearful and scared to see lesbian couples, avoided women etc, but now I don't get uncomfortable or triggered at lesbian couples or girls, but instead I scan every girl I see as a compulsion testing myself. Now I'm thinking, am I not uncomfortable anymore because I'm accepting this? And I always loop back to the thought "well how would a REAL lesbian feel/emotions" and its a horrible toxic cycle. I have no sense of identity. And I've been struggling with these obsessions (severely) since Nov 2019, is it normal to obsess this long? Ugh. It's one of those days.