OCD, Covid, and making new friends. Covid and I have had a rocky relationship that has only gotten worse, even after being vaccinated. I spent all of August trapped inside my own head, terrified that the littlest itchy throat or runny nose would mean I had Covid and could spread it to others. Things got better once I sat with the uncertainty; September, so far, has been wonderful. Even last night, I was thinking about how Covid and how if I hear someone cough I'm not bothered nearly as much. Until today. I wake up, going to meet someone new. My brain tries to tell me i'll catch Delta, i'll catch Covid and spread it, i'll have to take time off to be sick, i'll have to get tested, my week will be ruined. I tell my brain, I'm vaccinated. We're outside. I've met new people before in the same situation and haven't gotten Covid. I am willing to take this risk. I am not going to be afraid anymore. I meet up with this potential new friend. She coughs a little, I think nothing of it, perhaps some saliva went down the wrong pipe. Then she tells me she has a scratchy throat from yelling at work the past two days and "doesn't think she's sick", but also says she's going to go home and drink water and rest. I shut down while at the same time trying to assume the best in people. That's a valid conjecture, right? Voice overuse can make your throat really hurt, so I stick it out for the 45 minutes we are together, trying not to come off as being ABSOLUTELY terrified. I'm vaccinated. I'm outside. It doesn't help the storm building in my brain. I come home. I tell my roommate, who is a realist about my constant Covid anxiety. "If you get sick, you get sick, and there's nothing you can do about it." I call my mom "You'll be okay. She just had a scratchy throat. Don't worry over nothing." And yet, I make the reminder on my phone to get Covid tested on Thursday because that's 5 days after what could have been an exposure because that's what's on the CDC website for vaccinated people, because this potential new friend COULD have it. She could. And prepare myself for a week of depression, panic, confessing to everyone I see at work, at my DREAM job no less, that I hung out with someone with a scratchy throat for 45 minutes to be sure I am doing enough to protect myself, to protect others. Just like August, just like July, just like May. Or, not saying anything and feeling awful because should I? Shouldn't I? How do I make this cycle end? How do I keep my happiness despite Covid looming all around? How do I make new friends with this constant intense fear? How do I draw lines between my moral OCD and confessing and doing what if the best to keep Covid at bay? How do I not break down at the idea of searching once again for the perfect therapist for hours, when I just left an amazing therapist that I took months who isn't licensed to practice in my new location? Just a ramble I guess. Maybe someone can see this and relate, maybe someone has advice. Just putting this all out there. Hope everyone else is doing okay.

"Pure" OCD

[Deleted]

Date posted: 4y

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Honey C

Date posted: 4y

yeah, I did ERP for 6 months, but I have to find a new therapist where I'm located and despite all the resources I have, has proven to be a really difficult task... thank you though, i'm gonna try my best

[Deleted]

Date posted: 4y

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Honey C

Date posted: 4y

thank you

YoureNotAlone

Date posted: 4y

Let me tell you, I went through the EXACT same thing. The things that were the most brutal tended to help. During peak Covid I lived in a house w/ 4 other dudes in a big city. They liked to have people over and throw parties anyways. It felt so so so wrong and most nights I’d go hide in my room, judge others that were not being “covid safe” and analyzing every cough, scratch, sneeze, etc. Just like you. Your friend who told you “you get sick, you get sick and deal with it” is right and I had my roommate tell me that over and over. You migjt to think to yourself, what happens if your test comes back positive? Is your life over? No. You get sick and you take it day by day. It’s great to protect yourself and others by being honest, but you also have to weigh the reality of the situation and power through it. The most you can do is inform your coworkers or whomever that you may have potentially been exposed, you’ll get tested, and then everyone deals with it. We are all in this pandemic together, and things happen. The way I got over this theme was accidental… I ended up getting covid despite my carefulness, spreading it to my 4 roommates and dealing with it. In terms of the depression and panic, something that Dr. Steven Phillipson on the OCD stories podcast taught me that was so valuable is that there’s two types of “good days and bad days” for people with OCD. Some people think that a good day is where you have little anxiety or intrusive thoughts, and vice versa. But he says that a good day for someone with OCD is that they did everything they wanted to do DESPITE the panic, depression, anxiety, intrusive thoughts. Look at you! You will still go about your life and do things that you need and want. I’d say as far as “confessing”, and I’m not a mental health professional, but what I would do is go to work like normal and if you start feeling truly poor OR at the 5 day mark, get a covid test, and just take the situation by ear from there. Keep in mind, you are NOT defined by your OCD nor your thoughts. In fact, you sound like a very caring and honest person. I hope you are ok and find some solace today and every day and keep living by your values. All the best.

Honey C

Date posted: 4y

thank you, really, truly. i'm so glad someone else gets it cause it has been HARD lately and feeling like I'm the only person who worries so much about Covid in my immediate circle of friends has gotten me feeling alone in it all, haha. That's what I want to do, keep on living by my values like I learned in therapy and just take things as they come, one day at a time. I'm... gonna do my best with that so I can keep living happily despite the pandemic cause like you said, we're all in it together... Again, thank you for the advice/support. I appreciate it :)

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