Why do I have the compulsion to blurt out that it's not ocd and I'm just lying to myself

Yeah I'm sorry, if you ever need to talk, I'm here for you, I ask cause we're the same age

Like it's like I'm trying to get help but my head is saying, "it's just bullshit, you don't really love her, why are you going through all this?" And I just wanna leave her but I feel that it's a compulsion becuase I always have this sickening feeling when I think about it. But then I think what if it never goes aways cause I'm with her, and I panic, I just wanna be with her

@neverstopfighting literallt have this exact thought process

@ anonymous Yeah! And I was doing better too, I thought. This is a horrible relapse. I'm so glad you understand me, but at the same time, I'm full of doubt :D if you need someone to talk to, im here

@neverstopfighting Also I may be asking cause I'm alone for the weekend and I'm afraid of my own thoughts

Thank you, you've been very helpful, but how come I feel like blurring out that I need to leave? When this all started I used to say "I'm terrified of doing something stupid like leaving her and I love her so much" but it's getting worse and harder to say those things, I feel like I'm drowning. I hope it's ocd

Also thank you im here for you if you need anything

@neverstopfighting Thanks for your kind words. Really appreciate it. It's definitely OCD. If you think you need more help, I would suggest seeing a therapist as they would be more trained to help you than me.

@akarsh9 I'm seeing someone on here tomorrow, this weekend is really tough and I'm having trouble getting through it tbh

@neverstopfighting Do something to get your mind off it. I know it's difficult. But I tried meditation and it helped me greater than i anticipated at first. Try this video: https://youtu.be/dPvrwa95tEc

@akarsh9 Thank you so so much for being kind, tbh Im kinda losing myself and I'm scared

@neverstopfighting "There is no point in trying to wrestle a thought while you're in survival brain" This helped me a lot. I hope it helps you. Try the meditation video I sent you. I am sure it can help you.

@akarsh9 Thank you so much, I just don't wanna lose her. And I believe that. I wanna get better, but at the same time I wanna leave, it hurts :(

@akarsh9 So another question, how real was it when you were going through rocd with no help, did it make you physically ill?

@neverstopfighting I wouldn't say physically ill but emotionally demanding. It definitely took a toll on my health because it wasn't just my ROCD but also my ex partner was abusive.