I feel like sometimes I could do these thoughts feelings and I should come out maybe I don't know. I just can't imagine doing these things? 😞

Same...

As a straight male teen myself, I had never imagined myself in a homosexual relationship until I had this HOCD. What OCD gives me just felt real, but try to ignore it no matter how strong it gets. I battled my previous subtypes of OCD like that, especially with pure O-like OCD types. It is hard at first, especially with sexuality which could be against our values, but now I’m feeling much better than before. I still panic about what happened just now does this mean I’m gay and stuff, but trust me, you will get better over time. OCD might make it feel so real that when you talk stuff against it, you might feel like a liar (it’s also giving me these feelings as I’m typing this), but you feeling better in the near future is certain. Keep it up!

@Anonymous It's been a year since things have gotten so bad and I feel like maybe I was in the closet all this time all them years ago when I was 22 but it was more on and off then. Now it's constant 😞

@Ihateocd83 What makes it feel real are the groinal responses and false feelings, which are all induced by your anxiety. If you feel shame because of your thoughts and responses it may mean deep down you don’t like your thoughts, but if you enjoy your thoughts you are probably gay. I personally don’t like the homosexual thoughts, but the anxiety makes it so real, that sometimes I also asked myself, should I really follow my OCD? But before I take things further, I stop, because that made my anxiety even more. At the same time, while I had been in a boys school for 9 years (now co-ed), I know that while I can develop close male friendships, I know that I won’t be in a relationship with them, so that burden still exists. I know at the same time as well, that I would like a girlfriend in the future, despite having so little female friends. Before, I was very cautious about what I do, and ruminated by evaluating whether I did some things in front of my male friends that might be gay. Now that I put most of my worries down, I know my values and they never changed. HOCD is one of the hardest OCD subtypes to deal with. I mostly had to check whether I set my alarms and if I turned off the tap, and had to erase my stuff constantly when it is a bit illegible. I also feared of being contaminated. Now, apart from the HOCD I suffer from (which is recovering), I had no problem, and while I still had to check stuff, they were mostly under control. Now I know HOCD is the hardest to beat out of all other OCDs I had, but it can be defeated or lived with if dealt with well. Good luck, take care and believe in yourself 💪🏻💪🏻

@Ihateocd83 Ah forgot to mention, about your worries being constant, you might consider talking to your mom to make you feel better at first (but don’t seek too much reassurance) and finding a therapist to address your problems. Remember that gay people don’t worry that much and know they like their gay thoughts, just like a straight guy would know he/she likes the opposite sex, and likes their fantasies with their lover. After seeing the therapist for several sessions, try to control yourself from performing compulsions whenever you have intrusive gay thoughts, and the next step, is to try to ignore them completely. That’s the most a sufferer of HOCD can tell you, for more professional advice it is recommended that you find a therapist.

@Anonymous Welp that was triggering. I don’t know if i like them or not—i’m just rlly confused. This hit when i was 12, almost 13, then went away & i fell in love with a guy then came back when i was 16. Before that, I would’ve known. I’ve been surrounded by the lgbtq community since i was 6 and knew i had the option to like the same gender and knew it was possible, but it just never was on my mind. It was naturally boys. Still, my body only has responded to men and never females (i hope, but im scared it does). And i just don’t want to be with women or attracted to them. i’m scared i’m attracted to them and like the thoughts but am just lying to myself that i dont. Saying i don’t doesn’t satisfy me, saying i do triggers me. So….idfk. But i remember as a kid as well thinking some girls like on shows were super pretty, but i never imagined being intimate with them. I get scared i had crushes on them, cause that’s what a lot of lesbian girls say they told themselves. But like i never chased girls, only boys. Never kissed girls, only guys. But my brain tries to tell me i did imagine that stuff w/ girls and had crushes on them and that i just don’t remember it or am lying to myself. So it’s a lot more confusing than the simple yes or no 🙁

@Anonymous I’m currently in therapy for trauma and ocd, and My mom knows about it. No one thinks im gay—it just doesn’t make sense. And like i said above, this has been my main theme for seven years and i was raised with the knowledge of what lgbtq was and completely understood it (when i saw two girls or guys together i told my parents that’s being gay) so like it wasn’t anything foreign to me. And unlike a lot of lgbtq, they didn’t know what it was and when they found out things clicked. They always knew. I never even had a thought about it until ocd 🙃 and i’ve had ocd since i was like 6/7—it only developed into extremely bad sexually intrusive and violent thoughts due to multiple sexual assaults.

@Anonymous Oh and i just wanna apologize in case i misinterpreted anything!!

@Anonymous Do you think im gay??

@hate_ocd.123 No, I don’t think so. Anxiety likes to trick you to make you think you like them. You can find girls pretty but you don’t have to be intimate with them. I find some boys good-looking but at the end of the day I won’t be with them. I can be very close friends with them but if I imagine myself having sex, holding hands or kissing them, I simply can’t do that. I have less anxiety when I think of that now, but it never means that I agree with that. People who don’t know that will just have no anxiety when having those thoughts or having those intrusive images and they then fear that they aren’t anxious, giving them more “proof” that they are in denial but they aren’t. I understand that true love is true love whether it’s homosexual or heterosexual, but LGBTQ+ simply doesn’t fit me. I believe it’s ok for people to be like that, but it just won’t apply to me. You can take heed of these as you recover, but just don’t fear when one day you find yourself not anxious when having these intrusive thoughts, since it means you are recovering. And even if you suddenly you have a panic attack, or an intrusive thought that came out suddenly, like just now I was talking to a friend about the topic of love (heterosexual love), and I then feared if I like a boy my OCD likes to tell me I love after some time of not fearing I like him. That boy my OCD tells me I love is indeed good looking, has good qualities, but at the same time I don’t sexually and romantically like him at all. I want to be closer friends with him, but never in a relationship. He had a gf for a period of time before I had my HOCD, but even if that’s the case, it wouldn’t impact me at all. Whenever there is doubt in your head, OCD would stick to it. Just like that guy it tells me I like, I literally feared the most of liking him, and OCD just stuck to that doubt. This is how OCD feels real. However, as long as you hold on to your values, even if you say sth wrong (my mouth sometimes slips sth wrong that might accidentally agree with my OCD, but it also applies to other OCD subtypes I had before), it’s all good. I really hope it addresses your fears, apologies for any triggers, I just hope to help you, and we are all here as a community to support you.

@hate_ocd.123 Also one thing, when I had other OCD subtypes, I was willing to talk to my friends about it. But for my HOCD, I don’t want to, not because they are mostly homophobic (although a few are), but I just don’t want to hear stuff like it’s ok to be gay and stuff. I find these triggering and being gay doesn’t fit me, so it’s no use for them to say this. I told my parents about this, they understand me, but I’m not willing to let my friends know about my condition. This shows how much hopelessness HOCD can bring to people, but this doesn’t eliminate the fact that help is just in front of you. Stay strong

@Anonymous I used to be like that, but then i started telling my friends. Most of my close friends are part of the lgbtq, and one even has ocd, and they were really understanding. And my parents understand me, alongside my little brother. But my older brother who’s absolutely horrible and a narcissist just told me i was in denial. But i didnt tell anyone for years cause i was so scared. Now im a lot more open about it. I’ve only ever encountered one person that told me i was gay, and that was my asshole of a brother who i no longer speak too. I have no desire to talk to him ever again after what he’s done to me.