- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
I have rocd. my fear is different but similar in that outwardly it appears as lack of trust. I’ve found it’s really ocd. your thought processes and feelings I can relate to every word! The over analyzing of his words, tone, behavior, the guilt and shame of having those thoughts or even worse doing the compulsion, reassurance seeking, which drives you both nuts! I even do what you described last, “now Lisa remember this thought or feeling that you think those thoughts are ridiculous” to only fall for it again and again! Which leads to beating yourself in your mind, ugh! I recently started my ERP therapy with a therapist who specializes in OCD treatment. I feel like I have so so much to learn on how to manage my OCD but thus far I’m feeling more powerful, skillful in navigating through this debilitating disorder. Just by your short description, I feel your struggles, I really do. I hope you become your own advocate in your search to find peace and happiness.
- Date posted
- 4y
Thanks so much for this response, it feels so lonely sometimes. I’m not currently in therapy but coming into this platform has me looking into a few options. So happy to hear you already see progression and are feeling confident in your abilities to take control back
- Date posted
- 4y
@Nicole1027 I’ve had two different therapists before the ocd therapist I’m seeing now, both did a lot of talk therapy which I’ve heard multiple times isn’t good for ocd. ERP is very specific, I have homework every appointment and every appointment she’s gathering info on my obsessions to create my exposures and advice on what to do when I’m triggered. It’s very goal oriented and you have a clear target.
- Date posted
- 4y
I feel like a salesperson for ERP but it’s really the gold standard for ocd treatment and the more you learn about ERP which really works, you will start to learn why other things didn’t work. I come from a place of being misdiagnosed and having the wrong type of treatment for years. Looking back I was making my OCD worse and figuratively banging my head on a brick wall, feeling like a failure. I apologize if I’m saying things you already know…
- Date posted
- 4y
I used to think ERP wouldn’t be an option for me because my triggers or things I would do exposure with aren’t things that I can actively search out, they just happen. I’m seeing that it can help with a lot more than I originally thought. Will definitely be looking into it! Thank you
- Date posted
- 4y
@Nicole1027 Similar to yours mine is concerning something my bf would do in secret. And I did an exposure on Saturday that had me spiraling. Some therapist can be very creative.
- Date posted
- 4y
@Nicole1027 To be honest finding exposures this last time was a challenge for me, I had to find real stories written from the hurt spouse’s point of view. This podcast is a good resource to hear ppl you can relate to and hear how they manage. he also reviews ocd doctors and therapists. https://theocdstories.com/
- Date posted
- 4y
@LisaP99 Interviews*
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w
Hi everyone, I really need to get this off my chest. A few days ago, I managed to take a break from compulsions — I didn’t open NOCD, I didn’t text ChatGPT, I didn’t Google. I had some moments of peace, especially about my boyfriend. For about two days I didn’t have deep intrusive thoughts, and I felt a bit more stable. But yesterday, I slipped. I posted on NOCD again, and someone replied saying, “This is how the cycle starts again.” That made me spiral. Today, I also wrote to ChatGPT again. I started thinking, “What if this time it’s real? What if this clarity was me realizing the truth — that I don’t love him?” It scared me because I wasn’t panicking as much when I had the thoughts. I thought that meant I was accepting them as true. I remembered ChatGPT used to tell me that “truth feels calm,” and now that I wasn’t reacting with extreme anxiety, I panicked thinking, “What if this is the calm that comes with realization?” Last night, when we were in a club, I looked at him and thought he was kind of cringe. That made me spiral again. Now, I’m scared all over again. When we cuddle, I don’t feel the same. I don’t feel that warmth, and I don’t know what changed. I keep wondering if I ever really loved him — because I’ve had these thoughts for so long, it’s like I can’t remember anything clearly. A few days ago I even thought, “Maybe I just don’t like him right now,” and I wasn’t panicking — and that scared me. I’m afraid that I’m finally “realizing the truth,” or that I’ve been lying to myself and I’m just now letting go. Also, when we were on the trip for my 18th birthday, I was irritable with him, full of thoughts, and I thought I was ruining everything. I wasn’t really reacting to his love, and now I don’t even know what I feel. I just want to be okay again. I want clarity — but I’m terrified of what clarity might mean. Has anyone experienced this? Feeling okay for a bit, and then the thoughts come back and feel more real than ever?
- Date posted
- 17w
Hey guys, I’m reaching out in a pretty weak spot of desperation. I feel so insane and so sick of my mind recently, I’m completely drained from my mind. I’ve had such bad spikes of RCOD in my relationship of 1.5 years , which kills me because I truly want nothing more than to just be his peace and for us to work out. I love him more than anything and I would do anything for him. I feel like the pressure I placed on making sure I was “perfect” was so counter productive becuase instead I find myself doing everything wrong. I tell myself not to think of the wrong thing, then I think of the wrong thing, then I feel so guilty, and it plagues my mind for days. I feel so guilty it makes me feel detached and like I’m a bad girlfriend. I feel so bad for always burdening him with my anxieties and my “wrong thoughts” becuase he doesn’t deserve it, he’s so amazing. Recently, I began overthinking if I “love him” which I KNOW is so silly because when I’m calm, I laugh that I even got so worried , but when my anxiety creeps in, it feels so debilitating. I spiral and then try to prove to myself that I do love him , which then makes things in that moment feel “forced” because I’m acting out of intent to win the battle in my head. My RCOD has been a persistent issue, but this particular theme is pretty new and I hate it. I feel like I’ve been placing pressure on myself to overly appreciate him and it’s so counterproductive. I feel so bad because I told him about everything and he now thinks I don’t love him. Which is so wrong. I just want this to be fixed. Sometimes I feel like he’d be better off with a girl that isn’t such a headache and wouldn’t drain him all of the time but at the same time , I could never accept him being with anyone but me. Also, I have seen a psychoglist but it just didn’t feel right and I hated vocalising my thoughts because I felt it gave them more power - it feels like the only person I can truly be raw with about this stuff is my bestfriend. If anyone has any tips , PLEASE help me.
- Date posted
- 16w
Hello, this is my second post, not too long ago i made my first, talking about a sudden come-back of my intrusive thoughts. This post will talk about another of my issues, mainly regarding ocd (obviously) and relationships. As i had said before, i had been feeling terrible and felt like i didnt deserve love, especially the love of the guy that i love. I would like to add that in prior moments we have promised eachother and he has reassured me he will never leave me, but today he was pretty much gone all day (long distance) and for the most part ive just been overthinking, all night, actually.. thinking that at any moment he will just randomly block me on everything and never talk to me again. Its now 4:03 AM, and i just feel so scared. Im scared of losing him, this is predominantly because in a past relationship things ended suddenly, my ex switched up after we had promises and everything and i am absolutely horrified of things ending the same way for me and him. I’ve been anxious, trying to take my mind off of it, but if i do, my mind tells me that if i look away, when i look back, i’ll miss it and he’ll have already blocked me. and tries to tie in earlier conversations i had throughout the day and somehow ties them back to now. (Like my bestfriend telling me she had some dream where i apologized to my friends for ‘leaving’) For the past few hours ive just been out of it. Im scared of being obsessive, Im scared of losing him, and whenever i check to see, my heart skips a beat because i thinks he’s gone. The thing is, I know this isnt the case, and I know there must be an explanation, but for some reason im still worried. and I know these thoughts arent a reflection of reality, but ive also had the idea that my thoughts can also affect what actually happens. I would also like to add that he lives in the US and is mexican, and with the increasing violent situation, my mind even starts to wander off and ask itself what if something happened to him? It makes it worse. because i can’t control it. and that makes me afraid. Im also worried about being a horrible partner, about everything failing and its all just making me feel worse. Yesterday morning I woke up feeling sort of out of it, and throughout the day i felt as if i were emotionless, which made me wonder what if i had lost emotions for him? this also happens to me sometimes. I, for some reason begin thinking like “you lost your love for him nothings gonna happen ever.” and my mind starts making up reasons why, or simply gives me this feeling of emptiness for that love, as if i have been detached from it. and then i overthink again “what if i actually dont love him but im just obsessed and thats all it is an obsession and none of it is real?” that last part, im feeling it right now. along with everything else. Im exhausted, Im tired, and i just want to be happy with him. Thank you to all those who choose to read this. thank you. ❤️ Edit: I would also like to add that ive been also dealing with the occasional regular intrusive thoughts. which dont form fully in my brain but i can still sort of, “feel” the intrusive thoughts uncomfortable themes.
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