New here and hoping having a community to share things with will help me gain some perspective and calm my anxiety. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years, he’s struggled a lot with depression and alcohol use over the last year however he’s saying he hasn’t used alcohol to cope in over a month, and I know he is truly trying. If I get a text from him that seems “off” I start obsessing over if he has been drinking or if he’s smoked weed (which isn’t a big deal but for some reason when it’s him it’s a big deal to me), if I’m on the phone with him and he sounds “off” I begin to obsess as well. Realistically there’s nothing tangible that should make me think he isn’t sober. When I’m obsessing I will ask him several times if he’s drank or smoked and he gets so frustrated but I need so much reassurance and I get so worried. On top of that we’ve both been stressed and very busy lately so I’ve been constantly asking myself if I’m happy, if I really love him, if our relationship is actually good, if this is the right guy for me, because we just haven’t been able to spend any real quality time together recently. I feel horrible and so guilty for thinking these things and trying to figure out if I actually feel them or if I’m just making stuff up. There have been times like this before and then it feels like my feelings of love are back and I say to myself, next time this happens remember how you actually feel, you know you love him so much. I hate feeling like I’m constantly waiting for the moment when I feel like everything is “back to normal”, and I can’t help but think that’s an aspect of OCD too.

Relationship OCD

LisaP99

Date posted: 4y

I have rocd. my fear is different but similar in that outwardly it appears as lack of trust. I’ve found it’s really ocd. your thought processes and feelings I can relate to every word! The over analyzing of his words, tone, behavior, the guilt and shame of having those thoughts or even worse doing the compulsion, reassurance seeking, which drives you both nuts! I even do what you described last, “now Lisa remember this thought or feeling that you think those thoughts are ridiculous” to only fall for it again and again! Which leads to beating yourself in your mind, ugh! I recently started my ERP therapy with a therapist who specializes in OCD treatment. I feel like I have so so much to learn on how to manage my OCD but thus far I’m feeling more powerful, skillful in navigating through this debilitating disorder. Just by your short description, I feel your struggles, I really do. I hope you become your own advocate in your search to find peace and happiness.

Nicole1027

Date posted: 4y

Thanks so much for this response, it feels so lonely sometimes. I’m not currently in therapy but coming into this platform has me looking into a few options. So happy to hear you already see progression and are feeling confident in your abilities to take control back

LisaP99

Date posted: 4y

@Nicole1027 I’ve had two different therapists before the ocd therapist I’m seeing now, both did a lot of talk therapy which I’ve heard multiple times isn’t good for ocd. ERP is very specific, I have homework every appointment and every appointment she’s gathering info on my obsessions to create my exposures and advice on what to do when I’m triggered. It’s very goal oriented and you have a clear target.

LisaP99

Date posted: 4y

I feel like a salesperson for ERP but it’s really the gold standard for ocd treatment and the more you learn about ERP which really works, you will start to learn why other things didn’t work. I come from a place of being misdiagnosed and having the wrong type of treatment for years. Looking back I was making my OCD worse and figuratively banging my head on a brick wall, feeling like a failure. I apologize if I’m saying things you already know…

Nicole1027

Date posted: 4y

I used to think ERP wouldn’t be an option for me because my triggers or things I would do exposure with aren’t things that I can actively search out, they just happen. I’m seeing that it can help with a lot more than I originally thought. Will definitely be looking into it! Thank you

LisaP99

Date posted: 4y

@Nicole1027 Similar to yours mine is concerning something my bf would do in secret. And I did an exposure on Saturday that had me spiraling. Some therapist can be very creative.

LisaP99

Date posted: 4y

@Nicole1027 To be honest finding exposures this last time was a challenge for me, I had to find real stories written from the hurt spouse’s point of view. This podcast is a good resource to hear ppl you can relate to and hear how they manage. he also reviews ocd doctors and therapists. https://theocdstories.com/

LisaP99

Date posted: 4y

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