It seems like whenever i get a little bit better I crash I have been in therapy, not here, it is not working for me. I have been getting thoughts that are intricate promises basically whike im praying trying to ask God to ignore these thoughts my mimd deploys a series of intricate "deals" like this "If you move your toe you will blaspheme if you write or draw ever again" then I start to wonder if I made that deal on purpose and while im doing that I have a thought that says "Also if you ask God to forgive you of that first deal, you will commit the unpardonable sin" and so on. And so I feel like I have to defuse a bomb, ever so carefully going back to the latest "deal" and asking God to release me from it and if I dont do it in the right order, because if the last is still true and I asked for forgiveness for the first deal then I am in trouble and I feel like God will never release me from any of it and I will be bound for all eternity.

Hi dear beloved child of God, I feel your pain, I once was in your shoes, deep in confusion and anguish, living by the will of the intrusive thoughts and it cut me off from many moments and days I'll never get back, ocd didnt do anything good for me ever! Instead it wasted my time. One thing I have to say is take a good look at how much love you have for God that you don't want to offend Him nor displease Him. That is a beautiful thing to have...but...you have to change how you view God. A lot of us who suffer from ocd at some point view God as an angry tyrant and an intolerable judge that is out to condemn us, but the reality is that God is love. God is love! God is merciful! God is caring! God is your heavenly Father! Why would a loving father enjoy seeing His children be afraid of Him or living with anxiety? He doesn't. He's not asking you to do all these things nor making these deals that are not from your own will. John 3:16... For God so loved the world... You know we crucified Jesus right? We killed God...and yet he forgave us! He died to save us! That's love! God knows about our ocd why do you think you're on this app? He brought you here just as He brought me here to get the help we needed. Yes erp will help you recover and ocd therapy is heaven sent but you have to understand that ocd is not your friend and that your current view of God is wrong. He loves you just as you are, that is the good news. You can't accidentally sin that's another good news. God is love and His mercy is endless that's another good news! Don't despair don't give up have faith! Seek spiritual guidance through your church. I'm here to help don't hesitate to ask. God loves you

Traditional talk therapy doesn't work for OCD. In fact, it does more harm than good. Before I knew I had OCD, I did about 10 years of talk therapy. I had about 5 different counselors. I went weekly for up to years. I never made much progress. I eventually got frustrated and quit going. You need to get a counselor that understands OCD and specializes in ERP. It has made a huge difference for me.