Hi can someone talk?

Hey:) i’m doing better now than earlier but im still panicky

@hate_ocd.123 That’s good! I read your other post! Hopefully I’m not speaking too soon but I was just in that phase of feeling really in denial. Like SUPERRRRR in denial. but now I don’t feel that way as much anymore. I know it’s really hard but sit with the uncertainty and it’ll all come to you eventually!!!

@Whyyocd I really hope so :( I was just rlly triggered by this book i have to read for my english class

@hate_ocd.123 Good ERP 🥺

@Whyyocd Ahh i’m freaking out rn There’s this hardcore masc lesbian in my group project and i feel like im attracted to her hardcore and my heart is racing and butterflies in my stomach and oh god im so scared im a lesbian

@hate_ocd.123 Girl I’ve been there before too! Probably still am lolll I have a masc lesbian conworker and I would get super anxious and have intrusive thoughts. Tell yourself maybe, maybe not and move on. Or thank you brain for that thought or image

@Whyyocd Ahhh i got through it! And like we all got along—all of us girls! (It was a group of five of us girls) And i’m scared i’d be jealous if she had a girlfriend, and i’m scared she think’s i’m gay, and i’m scared i was secretly flirting with her, and im scared us getting along means i like her

@hate_ocd.123 IVE THOUGHT THE EXACT SAME THINGS

@Whyyocd And the other thing that scares me is most of my closest girl friends are gay, and that scares me so much Cause like i grew up with all of them and they all ended up gay and i ended up straight (i think) And they even said if i ever came out to them they’d laugh, and then i get scared im invalidating their experience of coming out / being gay AND THEN im scared that since scared of invalidating them & their experience that means i’m gay 🙃 And atop all that, i’m getting thoughts of “what if you come out and they don’t take you seriously and invalidate you”, and then i get a sad feeling, then an anxious feeling for getting sad, then think i am gay due to having that thought & feeling sad cause if it🙃

@Whyyocd Hey are you there im freaking out again I’m scared this masc lesbian girl is going to think i’m gay and hit on me in class, and i’m going to have a panic attack and i can’t go through that. I’m so scared she is and is going to think im gay in denial—or even worse that i’ll like it and we’ll start dating and i dont wanna do that i feel funny thinks about that and just no 😞

@hate_ocd.123 Hey yes I am!!! It’s okay!!! Maybe you can try and say something that will make her know that you’re straight (even if you don’t feel that way rn). It’ll keep you from her asking you out you know! And I know it’s hard when you think other people think you’re in denial or that you’re gay. I worry that all the time. But the fact is that honestly no body really pays attention to that stuff. Think about the things you would think about before OCD. I know I never thought about someone’s sexuality unless it was about a guy that I liked but wasn’t sure if he was straight but honestly that only happened once lol

@Whyyocd I definitely will! And same, i’ve had this theme since I was twelve but i never thought about gay people even though i’ve known what it was since i was six. It was just always natural for me to have crushes on guys or notice guys like that, but i’m scared it was comphet and didn’r know girls were a possibility and that’s why it wasn’t on my mind, when really i literally knew it was an option Like many kids wouldn’t understand it, but when i saw two girls or two guys kiss i would go “that’s gay” and everyone would laugh and love how accepting i was — i just never thought of it for myself until fucking ocd Literally one of my father figures growing up was gay 🙃 he’s who i learned it from And also i’ve noticed when i feel “attracted” to girls i like curl into my body and get like this weird feeling….almost like sheepish. Do you feel this way to??

@hate_ocd.123 What do you mean by sheepish?

@Whyyocd Like timid / embarassed / i don’t really know how to explain it Like my shoulders curl in and its just hard to explain

@Whyyocd And sheepish is like: showing embarassement from shame or lack of self confidence …… So i guess timid is more of the word? Cause i get the embarassed feeling idk My head is telling me sheepish is the correct word & feels like the correct word, but that also sounds like shame of “attraction” towards women sooooooo Ugh

@Whyyocd Like your shoulders curl in and your body stiffens and you would like say “no” in a really weak and quivering voice idek Like idk if i like girls making advancements on me Ik they give me massive anxiety and i’m scared i like them But ik for damn well i enjoy when we’re strictly friends and they don’t make advancements on me But idk more than that 😞 Did you ever feel this way?? Im so lost

@Whyyocd Are you there?:(

@hate_ocd.123 Yes I’ve felt this way!!! Don’t worry

I completely feel you! I used to be a pt tech and would do like the check in, blood pressure, symptoms and such. And we got patients of all ages and sexualities, and lemme tell you it was so triggering. Especially since i get along better with some gay girls / tomboyish girls / guys (cause i mean less drama) so like i would at times be so triggered Like specifically we had this one girl like a year older and she was a lesbian, and we got along well cause we both loved books / writing, and omg i would be doing sly compulsions the entire time