Feeling very triggered and am not sure where to turn… Some of you have probably read my posts about me struggling with the breakup of my ex, over 3 months ago. I’ve been inundated with anxious intrusive thoughts since then, picking apart EVERY aspect of our relationship and being reminded of every single thing that make me anxious. It’s felt like torture. My biggest fear/OCD trigger was always around him cheating on me or betraying me. And he wasn’t perfect by any means but I don’t think he ever actually cheated on me. I just cannot stop thinking and obsessive about it, even long after the relationship has ended. I thought I was slowly getting better but unfortunately, anxiety got the better of me again this morning. I snooped the Instagram of some girl that I knew he’d chatted with in the past (an old friend and he always maintained the conversation was just friendly and nothing that crossed the line). I was never too worried about it, especially because she was married and in another city. But anyway, I crept her Instagram and found out that he had commented “cute!” on one of her selfie photos back in Feb 2020. Obviously this was a really long time ago but I’m absolutely spiralling about it. This was at the same time he was telling me he wanted to have kids with me and I thought we were in a great place. I feel so betrayed by just one silly comment. I’m terrified now of what else was going on. I truly cannot tell if I’m getting worked up over something innocent or if this is a real threat. I mean, I know it’s not real now but…it feels like it’s happening right now because I’m just discovering it. Please help. I want to call him so badly and confront him, but we just got to a good place after the breakup and I don’t want to rock the boat. I did a deep-dive into her Facebook and Instagram. He liked her photos for a period of time, liked a couple profile pictures but that’s it. There’s been no public activity since last year. Sorry this post is long. Thank you for reading. I really don’t have anyone else to talk to about this stuff and I know it might be trivial or it might be serious but I can’t tell

Relationship OCD

LizLemon

Date posted: 4y

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I have ROCD as well and can relate to what you’re feeling. ROCD aside though, relationships are built on trust. And ROCD considered, what you’re doing (digging into their Facebooks and Instagrams, looking for evidence of your thoughts being true/false) are compulsions. What I would recommend you do is remind yourself that you can never be certain about fidelity in relationships (certainty about anything in life, really) and that you have to trust your partner wouldn’t do something like this to you. That they chose to be with you and love you. That is reality- not rumination and speculation. It’s REALLY difficult, especially when it’s a disorder, but that makes it that much more important for you to practice relinquishing the desire to “figure it out.” I really hope this helped, and I wish you the best of luck!!! From a fellow ROCD sufferer ❤️

Stuckinmyhead

Date posted: 4y

I really appreciate this. Thank you so much for the kind and thoughtful reply- I really am grateful. I think it’s just so, so hard because we are maintaining a friendship. And when I uncover things like this, even from years ago, it feels like extreme betrayal and hurt. It makes me question everything and makes me wonder what exactly was said in those messages. It makes me feel like I can’t be friendly with him NOW, in the present day, even though that was so long ago. I hate that I don’t trust him at all. It really makes me feel powerless

LizLemon

Date posted: 4y

Rather than saying, “IT” makes you feel XYZ, trying giving IT a name. I named mine Sharon. This way, the thought changes to “Sharon makes me feel powerless” and my rational mind is kind of like… why are we giving Sharon this power? Also, it’s possible that keeping a friendship with your ex is too difficult- I don’t think I could do it. Especially if it’s just perpetuating your ROCD thoughts, because you aren’t “together,” but you’re still trying to figure these things out. Which again, you can never really know the answer to those questions you have. You have more power in this than you know, it’s about shifting your perspective and taking your power back!!!!

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond