Guys I don’t know what to do. It feels so genuine almost that I don’t want to be with him. I feel like this is anticipatory anxiety. And then I had a thought that he’s going to break up with me and I felt really anxious. Idk

It’s like I can’t even argue with it anymore. It feels so genuine and real like I just don’t want to be here. I don’t know it’s so weird. Like it feels like I’m going to do it

@cozycat i can’t explain how i feel either i just keep saying i feel so weird. but im definitely falling into compulsions more and it’s making me feel stuck also. i can’t tell if this feels more real then when i first started showing symptoms

@ anonymous I get that. Like it definitely does feel more real than when I first started I think. Like it feels inevitable almost

@cozycat it feels like that but it’s not

@ anonymous and we both have to remember that

@ anonymous I know. It just keeps feeling like I know I want it. Like it’s not ocd anymore and that I’m just forcing myself

@cozycat i have that exact feeling. but at the same time i do not want to do life without him. it’s so frustrating. like the other day i messed up and he got upset with me and my brain immediately was like he’s breaking up with you and i ugly sobbed for like 3 hours straight

@ anonymous It’s like I feel it in every bone of my body and I can’t fight it anymore. It’s so uncomfortable feeling. It’s like I don’t even believe myself when I say I love him or want to be here anymore. Is that normal

@cozycat yes i feel that too. like i’m lying to myself

@ anonymous Like I’m lying to myself and to him. But because I feel like I “know” it just mainly feels like I’m lying to him

@cozycat And it’s like I don’t want to be around him which makes me think it’s even more true. And like I’m just searching for ways out and all of that stuff. It feels so natural compared to other thoughts but others say that they feel that too but it doesn’t make it any better or give me any feelings of relief

@cozycat i think it’s just another one of ocds tricks tbh. we wouldn’t be thinking it’s actually if ocd didn’t make it feel actually real.

@ anonymous It’s like last night I was crying because I loved him and this morning I feel nothing

Yes except my mind keeps telling me that I don’t love my partner so it makes it hard for me to tell if I do or don’t

@cozycat Like it’s as if I just can’t tell anymore

@cozycat Yes my mind saids these things too, it’s really hard. Keep your head up and some days are going to be easier and harder then others. You just have to learn to sit with the uncertainty and accept the thoughts, don’t agree with them but let them be present and act is if you don’t care, say “maybe I don’t love my partner, great!” It sounds silly and fake but we have to rewire the brain to not see this as a threat and overtime the thoughts will slow down.

@cozycat I’ve felt everything you’ve felt and then some. There are days where I don’t even know what is me and my OCD, there are days where my OCD tells me I don’t even want to text them, but at the end of the day I choose to be with my partner because love is a choice, not a feeling and they’re worth it. You decide, not your OCD

It keeps feeling like I know I want it though. Is that ocd or just me knowing.