Having a bad day today. Started ERP Monday. My anxiety has gone down whilst doing them but today I woke up with the compulsions going at full force. Going over conversations ober and over...listening to ERP and a voice saying no people dont think bad of you because it has been 2 years since you told them your thoughts..... I HATE this episode. I just wish I could realise that the two older people who I told my intrusive thoughts to about their grandaughter 2 years ago KNOW for sure it was OCD thoughts and nothing else. My mind is telling me all sorts.....I have never worried about what they thought for 2 years but now I do because they have fallen out with me over covid. I am listening to a loop tape which says 'do they think my OCD thoughts were real' and then another one that they think I am a 'p'. I feel like giving up. Please if anyone else has had this type of OCD thought of what people think of you PLEASE could you tell me how you got over it? I am just sooooo anxious today. Is this because I have been doing ERP all week? I cant do this anymore. I wanted a peer support but still havent got one...... i dont know how much more of this i can take, honestly xx

"Pure" OCD

Anon1294

Date posted: 4y

I had to tell my husband and my mother about this type of OCD and I have two children. It came out of nowhere and I was having panic attacks so I had to tell them what I was so afraid of. I fear that they may think I really am one, or that they can take my kids from me. But I know in my heart that I have done NOTHING wrong! YOU know your truth. You know you would never harm that child and you haven’t. The people who you don’t talk to anymore, you trusted them enough to tell them and a person who truly is like that would not confess they would hide it from others. Try to distract yourself it’s the only thing that helps me. Force yourself to do something to keep your mind busy

lou47

Date posted: 4y

Thank you so much. I just went out on my bike for a while. Thing is they were the most supportive friends I had when i had my OCD. My thought which was ridiculous was about sharing a bed with their grandaughter years before....it came out of the blue like yours did.....my OCD said to me...what if, when you were asleep, you put your leg on her or your front bit as I dont wear drawers in bed like most people! Their reply was that they worried like that when they had their friends little girl to stay! I told them ocd was called the doubting disorder and was ego dystonic and was all about what ifs. The lady even lookes it up and called me and didnt realise how much sufferjng i had been going through! So WHY oh WHY does this blasted OCD latch onto this thought now? If i ever mentioned OCD to them the lady always said oh not that crap!! I just cant work out why i am so anxious about this now. I have never worried like this before about them at all...never even entered my head until now. The thoughts just wont stop. I am going to so some more erp tonight. It has given me 5 minutes of clarity sometimes so i suppose it is working. I am just so scared on my own with these thoughts. Thank you so much for your reply. All my other friends know about this and couldnt care less. I think it bothers me cos it was about their grandaughter thats all. I have had much worse thoughts in the past about my own son when he was growing up but they have gone. It is just this thought that is so upsetting me. Thank you for your reply. I just need some support at the moment. I was hoping for peer support hut havent got it! Xx

Anon1294

Date posted: 4y

@lou47 It’s hard to find support for such a complex thing. I know exactly what you mean your brain latches to one thing and doesn’t let it go even when it’s far from rational. Going outside and getting fresh air has always been the best medicine for me so the bike ride was a good idea. I hope you start to feel peace again❤️

lou47

Date posted: 4y

@Anon1294 Thank you so much for your reply. It is so very hard. I do realise that this will go again. A few weeks before this episode i wondered what i could possibly get OCD from ever again...then THIS!!!! I think it is because I dont see them anymore that these thoughts have gone crazy! It is so irrational. I am sure i will get there. Last week i felt good for about 3 days which i suppose is a good sign. I will keep going out as much as I can. Thank you from the bottom of my heart xx

Anonymous

Date posted: 23w

religious OCD

Please help. I have felt so off/wrong all day. I constantly worry that the “bad guy” is going to get me. I have awful thoughts and I constantly want God to know that I don’t mean these thoughts. I am at a point in my therapy where I need to choose to use my ERP but it feels too scary. I then do compulsions, which makes the OCD worse, which makes me want to use ERP less. And the cycle goes on. I am currently sitting in my car crying because I feel so lost and exhausted. I’m not supposed to figure out my thoughts, but today I just went into a spiral of sadness and depression, thinking that I will always feel like this. When my thoughts got really bad at the end of the day, I tried to use ERP even though I was shaking and not believing my responses and I ended up feeling like I missed something and that I gave into the “bad guy.” I have no one to talk when I’m not doing therapy twice a week. I am alone and have no one to talk to when I am like this… please help

hestia

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 22w

I Need Help

I’m trying to do ERP therapy, but I keep thinking my subtype of ocd is the worst there ever is. I tried going on a walk tonight and the adrenaline in my body along with the shakes and the burning in my chest got so overwhelming. I felt like I was just about to lay down in the gutter along the sidewalk. I’m not trying to be super negative. I just don’t know what to do anymore. If it’s not one thing it’s another and I just wanna cry so bad and I want it to go away but it won’t I almost feel like I have to call a crisis line or something even right now while I’m writing this I’m crying so bad. I can’t enjoy a single thing. I joined a support group tonight, but I just feel like I feel so bad for everyone because of how awful it is. I know what I’m writing right now doesn’t make a lot of sense but I just don’t know what to do anymore. Part of me wants to quit ERP therapy so bad cause I don’t think it’s gonna ever help. if anyone has any advice or suggestions, that would be greatly appreciated.

Tiny Turtle

Date posted: 13w

Having a really hard time

I don't usually post on here because it could end up becoming a compulsion or could be seen as reassurance seeking but I think I just need a place to vent and to also get some encouragement and peer support. I am really struggling with my intrusive thoughts and feelings today. All of it feels extremely real and convincing. Right now, I feel thoroughly convinced that I have already identified as either a lesbian or bisexual. I have been diagnosed with OCD by both a psychiatrist and a psychologist years ago and I still feel convinced that it isn't OCD. I keep feeling as if I am just using OCD as a cover-up / as an excuse to deny my “actual” sexual orientation / to hide the “fact that I'm actually lesbian / bisexual”. I have been practicing ERP whenever my schedule allows but it's tough... ERP typically works for me but on days like today, it doesn't seem to be working and that makes me doubt if I have OCD or not. At the same time, I am also convinced that ERP isn't working and I am secretly in denial / struggle with comphet / have internalised homophobia (which makes it worse because my family is homophobic and most of my intrusive thoughts have been targeting that / using that as evidence). Feeling really scared and hopeless... 😞

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