maybe TRIGGER WARNING I just have to share...I am struggling today. No depression, just thoughts. Thoughts. Thoughts. THOUGHTS! I am so afraid. I am pretty sure it is my OCD but I have had them for so long, even without knowing until recently that is was rOCD. I grew up with my now husband. We were never close friend but later in high school I knew he liked me...I completely wrote him off until senior year. Something felt different about liking him. Before anything could happen I met another guy I was attracted to. I was so confused then, I told them both it wouldn’t work. I told myself I must not have liked him if another guy looked appealing. It feels good to write this out. Only nice comments please. Later, after an awful spell of OCD (the one where I was diagnosed with OCD) my now husband supported me so much with prayer and encouragement. It began to feel right again (the relationship) as I got better with that lapse of OCD. Although I had SO MUCH anxiety over the 1st time I liked him. I was so judgmental over everything he did when we started dating. I felt like I wanted to marry him...I mean I couldn’t imagine anyone else but I kept thinking “why doesn’t it feel the way I want it to?”. This was all before I knew what ROCD was mind you. 4 1/2 years later and I am having such a bad spell of ROCD. I have had the thoughts since we started dating but now it has turned into a full blown relapse. I keep thinking “what if I made a mistake? What if I only liked him as a friend?” I am terrified. I married the most amazing man. I just can’t deal with these thoughts ? Sorry for writing a book but, again, it feels good to write everything out.

Relationship OCD

Andrew06

Date posted: 6y

The premise of it, is to expose yourself to whatever makes you anxious and over time through repeated exposure, the thoughts will not be so anxiety provoking and will diminish or become much more manageable

LightAtTheEnd

Date posted: 6y

Insert “love” into “what if I only loved him as a friend?” So scared!

Andrew06

Date posted: 6y

Hi Ashley, that sounds awful! The reason this is messing with you so hard is likely because you do love him so much, not to give you too much reassurance. But what it seems like you are struggling with is the anxiety about how real the thought seems because that would somehow make you a bad person in some way correct? How do you respond internally when you have these thoughts?

Andrew06

Date posted: 6y

I would say don’t beat yourself up! Having OCD is bad enough without the negative self talk, but as it appears, the anxiety is about the uncertainty about whether you are a bad person and so the exposure for that would be to accept that as a possibility

LightAtTheEnd

Date posted: 6y

I have definitely always responded with anxiety and confusion. I do always feel like a bad person. In fact, I have been know to repeat “I’m a bad person”.

Andrew06

Date posted: 6y

Are you familiar with ERP and how to treat and manage these thoughts?

LightAtTheEnd

Date posted: 6y

Well my counselor has tried to go through it with me but I don’t think I was to the point where I could focus enough to do it...may start it again later. Honestly I don’t think I understand it enough yet.

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