- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
At this point I believe I am lying or in denial that’s how freaking real this feels for me right now. I freaking hate how unhappy I am. Anything small I make into a huge problem.
- Date posted
- 3y
that is 100% your ocd. never make desicions when you’re in an anxious state like that. I know we’re not supposed to give reassurance on this app but i think that u could use some short term. u love ur husband and everything will be ok
- Date posted
- 3y
It just feels like I don’t want him anymore and it upsets me badly…. I am just tired… It feels like my relationship never happened!! You know how upsetting that is! Like 11 years never happened! How can love be a choice!? I choose to wanna love him but it’s like my body is fighting against me…
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
Your body doesn’t understand what’s going on. All it understands is your under distress. There’s this vicious cycle happening right now. Your ocd sends out intrusive thoughts, which cause the body distress out of habit, then you add to the distress by being stressed that you have an intrusive thoughts, which in turn makes your body send out more alarm bells that something is wrong. You’re not going to win this battle by fighting ocd. Nor are you going to win by logically arguing with it. Put your weapons down. Accept the feeling. The feeling doesn’t feel good. But it exists. Stop resisting it. Stop trying to make decisions. That’s your logic trying to play the game. Should I break up? Should I stay? Don’t play that game. Put down what you’re carrying. Let it go. It’s scary. It feels like ego suicide. It is. Let the ego identification go. The less you attach to the story of your feelings. The less it will cause you harm. Your relationship might look different now. It may feel different now. This is the new normal. Learn to accept that you can be with a loved one and not feel what you expect to feel. This is okay. It will take time to adjust to this feeling. Eventually you willl adapt, and ocd will stop attacking. You will gain clarity and understand everything I’m saying. Just trust it, and don’t logically persuade anything.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Sasha Reading this really did help me think. I’ve been trying to ignore all the annoying feeling I’ve been having. I was actually able to tell my partner I want to get married after we our moved out of our roommates house. But I still sadly tend to overthink and it’s hard for me to say I love you to him even though I do. My sex drive is still 0 sadly.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@Mandy7710 You don’t have to ignore the feeling, but you do have to accept it. The feeling is there, and it’s not up to you whether it comes or goes. There’s a powerful paradox in nature. When you want something, you push it away. You create new obstacles and expectations, and the thing you want is never in grasp. And even if you have it, you destroy it. But if you renounce your need of it. If you accept the possibility of never having it. If you are able to be so not attached to the outcome, that you are fine if it does and fine if it’s doesnt; then this is when it all will happen. This is when you will get what you wanted. It might come in a different form. But peace and happiness will be there.
- Date posted
- 3y
i’m sorry you’re going through this :(
- Date posted
- 3y
I keep testing myself over and over again saying I’m not in love with him… just for a reaction… Honestly it doesn’t feel like ROCD at all anymore… but I know I don’t wanna leave….
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
I don’t understand how my boyfriend can love me so much after everything I put him through. He constantly shows me how much he loves me, yet I feel like I can’t fully appreciate it. I can’t explain how badly I behave towards him when these thoughts take over, how often I lash out because of them, and how many times I’ve told him exactly what’s on my mind. He tries to use logic to help me, but it never seems to work. And now, even as I’m writing this, I feel like crying—yet at the same time, my mind tells me that I don’t care. This horrible feeling inside me won’t go away. I keep thinking, “What if I don’t like him?” That thought is always there. I wonder if I had unrealistic expectations about this relationship from the beginning, since he is my first boyfriend. What if I convinced myself I liked him just because I wanted my first relationship to be perfect? And now, I just can’t accept the truth? It scares me even more knowing that he moved to my city for me. I feel like I’m constantly upset, constantly sad. And despite everything, he’s always there for me. That makes me feel even worse because I don’t know what to do to feel okay again. Every time I talk to him, I get this strange feeling inside me, and I’m terrified that it means my thoughts are actually true. He tells me that my happiness shouldn’t depend only on him, that I should focus on more than just this relationship—because for over a year now, my mind has been stuck in an endless loop of questioning whether I love him or not. He asks me, “Who are you fighting? Why do you care so much? You’ve been asking yourself the same question for over a year—shouldn’t you know the answer by now?” And my response is always, “Because I want to be with you.” But then, when I try to answer whether I like him or not, more doubts take over. I start thinking, “Maybe I just can’t accept that I don’t love him. Maybe I just want to keep this relationship perfect.” The worst part is that he has never done anything wrong. He has always been patient, kind, and loving, yet I feel so lost. I don’t understand what’s happening. I don’t understand what I feel. And I don’t understand why I can’t understand what I feel. He also tells me that ever since I started reading so much about relationships and OCD online, I have gotten worse. And he’s right. I have become much worse than I was before. The problem is that before, I thought I was at my worst, but looking back, I was still able to feel happiness at times. Now, I feel completely stuck. I don’t know if I’m crying because I hate this feeling, or because I don’t want to think this way about him. It feels like I don’t even know what’s happening to me anymore.
- Date posted
- 17w
hi! I broke a short period of doing well without compulsions because I got triggered again. Before this, I had about two calmer days where I didn’t spiral so much, but now everything feels worse. I’m scared that I don’t love my boyfriend as much as I used to, or that this relationship is making me feel stuck or sad. He’s a wonderful person, and I hate thinking this way. I smelled a perfume that used to make me feel calm and in love, and now it just makes me question everything. I spent hours last night searching Reddit, especially on r/ROCD, trying to see if someone is like me or if anyone has answers. I keep rereading posts, hoping I’ll feel certain about what I should do. But I just feel more confused. I keep thinking, “What if I heal and then realize I don’t love him?” or “What if I’m only staying because I feel safe with him or I’m used to him?” I feel numb sometimes, or like I’m pretending, and I hate it. I want to feel love and clarity again. I don’t know what’s real or what’s ROCD anymore. I just feel lost and afraid. I talk to hi. now and i feel so strange like i dont want to force myself i want to like him i dont understand what i feel i feel so weird in my chest
- Date posted
- 15w
I believe I have ROCD — at least, that’s what many people here have told me based on what I’ve shared — and I really need help, because I feel like I’m falling apart. I don’t know what I feel anymore. I don’t know what’s real. My thoughts come as loud, cold statements — not questions. They say things like: “Nothing is the same.” “You don’t love him.” “You’re just staying because you’re used to him.” And even though I know I’m supposed to let the thoughts pass and not engage with them — I can’t. I get stuck in them. I try to find answers, I ruminate, I check, I cry, I panic. Everyone says “love isn’t just a feeling” — and I know that. But… I still want to feel something. I want to feel warmth, or connection, or even just peace. It’s been so long since I felt anything like that. Now everything just feels empty or terrifying or cold. My brain only gives me negative interpretations. No memory brings me comfort anymore. Nothing feels like it used to. And the worst part is — it all feels true. Sometimes I think: “What if I’m just denying the truth?” “What if I’ve finally realized that I don’t love him, and I just don’t want to admit it?” This feels like the worst version of myself. I’m so confused and scared and tired. Even therapy didn’t help — my therapist said things that made it worse, and now I don’t know who or what to believe anymore. I just want help. I want to know how to face ROCD — if that’s what this really is. I want to believe I can feel love again. I don’t want to lose myself in this forever. Has anyone else felt like this? How did you start to get better? i cant even remember past good memories with him, my head tells me that i didnt love him and i was just “excited “ to have someone. We have 2 years together and i have been dealing with this for a year and a half.
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