- Username
- Confused OCD
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I am a massive people pleaser to the point of worrying that making someone angry means they will hurt me physically or mentally. I’m not sure what category the people pleaser OCD falls into but I completely know where you’re coming from
It’s so hard 😭
@Confused OCD It really is. I have been diagnosed with ocd for 4 years now and it is the most difficult type I’ve struggled with
@berinthoughts How do you cope?
@Confused OCD I see my therapist twice a month and we are working on strategies to have effective communication and boundaries with people
As someone who has mostly overcome there people pleasing, but never had it as OCD, I have some thoughts for you. Firstly and most importantly you need to start changing the way you talk about and look at yourself. You need to start telling yourself that you are the most important person for you to care for. Try imagining yourself as a person and you can 'show up' for yourself when things are tough. Treat yourself as someone you care for and would usually try to please. Try some daily affirmations in the morning like 'I put myself first, then I can help others' or 'I am here for me' or 'I am the most important person'. This can feel horribly difficult but stick with it. Watch how you speak about yourself with a non judgemental mind. Look out for times when you put yourself down and say negative things. Just keep and eye on it and eventually you can counter those negative thoughts with positive ones like I can do this. As a side note if there is anything here that is bad for ocd, check with a therapist. But I don't think so. Start doing some activities that you love and carve out more time for yourself. Take a bath rather than a quick shower and show yourself that you care. Tell your mind that you're important and worthy or your time. Try to add more you time into your routine. Next is how you look at other people. People pleasing is all in the mind. Although it seems like you really need to take care and micro manage a situation, recognise that people are adults and the worst that can happen is someone's feeling are slightly hurt. No one is going to die because of something you say or don't say. Try sitting with the feeling of saying something you think may make someone feel uncomfortable. Something I had was I wouldn't press the road crossing button because I didn't want people to have to stop their cars for me to cross, sounds crazy right. People can deal with a little hurt it's fine and expected in life. Try to be confident that what your have to say is important. It can be extra had sometimes if people see you as a soft person that will always agree with them or never has anything contentious to say. Some people will naturally push back if you do speak your mind as they will perceive it as a change to the norm. But this is normal and just do your best to speak your mind even in small ways, and then sit with that feeling an understand it's just a feeling and it can't hurt you. People pleasing is a horrible metal issue and is really worth the road to recovery. It's worse than most people realise and makes you put on a kind front but behind is how you really feel and your desires the resentment will build and things will get ugly. Try in small ways first to put your mind across and live with the consequences. It's not about disagreeing or being mean to anyone, it's about saying how you really feel and finding that balance between being a genuinely good person and getting what you really want in life. The more you practice, the easier and more natural it will become. Good luck, you can do it 👍
Wow. Thank you so much for this detailed response. I’m screenshotting it and saving it. It’s fantastic. Thank you!
@Confused OCD No worries, it's nice to share info.
Actually another thing that has really helped me is using the voice recorder on my phone. It's kinda cringe at first but I would record myself memos to listen to in the morning as like a booster to start the day. I would talk to myself like a friend and say all the things I need to hear to like put yourself first today. Hearing your own voice like this is really powerful. Again it's kinda cringe bur if you can get over that it works well
That’s very smart, I’m going to try it. Thanks Alex!
Yep
Anyone else have OCD about real life events and have lots of guilt over them? I know I shouldn’t but every time I seek reassurance from people (I’m trying to not do this) they tell me not to worry about it but my OCD tells me that they’re lying. Lol.
Is anyone else obsessed with being percieved as "good" ? I get super anxious thinking people think badly of me and always try to make people have a good image of me but then i obsess over if im manipulating them to think that im good and im lying and are not really a nice person. Anyone ?
I'm just curious abt what anyone's thoughts are like when also being a people pleaser?
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