Hey guys, before I hit the hay, I wanted to share that I got married today. My obsession is feeling as though I have “cheated” in the past by different things I have said, done, implied, etc and feeling the urge to confess them. It’s scary, and I’ll never know for sure what my husband would think about every single thing I have said, done, etc, but it feels so good to be loved anyway. And it feels so good to have not let my OCD scare me out of getting married, because he’s the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, so damn it that’s what I’m going to do, whether I feel I deserve it or not.

Thanks friend 😊

I’m glad this found you. My thoughts are completely gone and I still have some anxiety and shame but I continue to do my best to ignore them because I would like to move on with them life already and ruminating does absolutely nothing but cause pain

@Maybe,MaybeNot Im glad it found me also ❤️ i noticed that surrounding my ROCD whenever i did the exposures. My thoughts would start to subside that caused my anxiety but the anxiety was still lingering? I figured maybe i was just doing the ERP wrong and numbing myself like usual but its a weird feeling. My brain feels clear. No thoughts or ruminating but the anxiety is still around somewhat

@Maybe,MaybeNot Congratulations on your marriage Maybe,MaybeNot, I'm really happy for you! :) and you definitely deserve to be married to your husband and you deserve to live a happy life with him. 😊 I hope you have an awesome night! God bless! :)

@Maybe,MaybeNot Hi Maybe, MaybeNot! Correct me if I’m wrong but you mentioned you have been in recovery from ocd before and was successful. If it wouldn’t be too personal to ask, I was wondering if you would be willing to discuss a bit about that process for you? No pressure though to respond if you don’t want to!

@bruxinha I would check out this article. It explains a lot about how we aren’t afraid of the thought itself, but more so to the vulnerability of anxiety, guilt as a result of it. https://drmichaeljgreenberg.com/the-core-fear/

@Drew777 Thank you Drew!

@Have a sunflower🌻 Yes absolutely!!!!! I love sharing this with people!!!!! Last year I did ERP for about 2 months and was on Prozac 40mg during that time and basically went into full recovery. I mean thoughts literally went almost completely away. I may have had a thought here or there but it didn’t really cause much anxiefy, if any at all. Basically I stopped calling everyone for reassurance, I stopped trying to confess, and I stopped trying to figure it out and mental checking. Over time, the thoughts just started leaving my brain. Even though I was terrified, I knew all of the compulsions I was doing wasn’t working so I just decided to stop and it got SO much better. I accepted that there really is no right or wrong and everything is just opinion and sometimes scary things happen but we survive.

@Maybe,MaybeNot Wow that is amazing! I’m thrilled for you! Was there a moment where everything just clicked? It sounds like a lot of your erp was about stopping your compulsions vs doing a lot of planned exposure sessions. Is that accurate?

@Have a sunflower🌻 Yea my exposure was more of talking about real events in session and then resisting the urge to ruminate and ask reassurance. Planned exposures were difficult for us to come up with my specific theme, but I did some such as telling white lies everyday. But I would say not allowing myself to go round and round in circles in my head was key. I’m getting back there again, I think I’m at a point now where I just need to keep doing what I’m doing so it can get better little by little.

@Maybe,MaybeNot That actually brings me a lot of hope because my therapist and I are having a hard time with my exposures too. I switch obsessions so often that by the time we plan an exposure, I’ve already moved on to another event that pulls most of my anxiety and guilt towards that. I was worried that if I’m not doing purposeful exposures then I would not get better. But I do a lot of erp techniques in the moment and focus on stopping my mental compulsion which may be why I get over a obsession relatively quickly (of course it’s not completely gone but when I get triggered by it again it’s not as bad). Maybe this will be enough to push me into recovery if I stick with it. I’ve been doing erp for about two months and was worried it wasn’t going to work since planned erp exposure work is kind of a disaster.

@Have a sunflower🌻 No actually I believe that if you’re thoughts are switching quicker that can be a good thing because it shows you don’t just get so stuck on one thought. Something I do for exposure that helps is scripting- like I just purposely write out the worst case scenario, don’t try to do anything about it, and just go on with my day.

@Maybe,MaybeNot Ya I’ve done scripting before but I ended up liking it which I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to like it

@Have a sunflower🌻 What do you mean by liking it?

@Maybe,MaybeNot Like it brought my anxiety level down instead of up. Writing has always been therapeutic for me

@Have a sunflower🌻 Hm I think it depends… sometimes I like it in the sense that it brings my anxiety down as well but I’m pretty sure it’s bringing it down because I’m exposing myself to it and my brain is starting to habituate to the thought. I thing as long as you are doing compulsions on paper, you’re fine. For example I used to try to figure it out and reassure myself in the scripts which made it worse.

@Maybe,MaybeNot Oh ya I can see how that would make it more of a compulsion. Honestly, I just wish I could habituate to being a bad person so I wouldn’t care anymore 😂😬

@Have a sunflower🌻 Yea I mean scripting is helping me do that! I think that’s why in a sense I do like doing it. It is making me care less.

@Have a sunflower🌻 You're not a bad person though Have a sunflower. I think you're really nice and kind. So you don't need to habituate to being a bad person. Sorry, I realize I'm kind of jumping in on the middle of you and Maybe,MaybeNot's conversation though, so I hope I'm not being rude in anyway.

@Maybe,MaybeNot Really?! Maybe I should try it again then. It’s weird how I can be so certain I’m a bad person but still care about not being a bad person. Like come on I thought bad people weren’t concerned about being bad.

@Drew777 Haha thanks you not being rude. Maybe bad people can be nice though and that solves that problem haha

@Have a sunflower🌻 *are not

@Have a sunflower🌻 Drew is right, it’s completely ridiculous that you think you’re a bad person, and bad people don’t worry about being bad. Also I don’t even really know who would be considered a “bad” person. Who gets to decide what a bad person is? What if nobody is “bad” or “good?” It’s really just a matter of perspective. But since OCD is so ridiculous you kind of need to let your brain habituate to the idea that like maybe someone else would think you’re bad or maybe there is and ultimate bad and we just don’t know it or something like that

@Maybe,MaybeNot That’s a interesting question 🤔. I suppose the majority of society and God (if he exists; I mean no offense by saying that I just haven’t decided yet ) decide who is bad or good. God would probably be the final determiner because I’m assuming He knows everything I have thought and done. Then I assume what the majority of society and God would likely decide and they would conclude I am bad and I would agree even though I don’t want to be bad. Sorry I added so much religion in considering I barely know anything about it! I do agree though that habituating to the concept would probably help.

@Have a sunflower🌻 That’s ok religion is deffinitely important to bring up with this topic. I agree, in my opinion god would be the ultimate decider, BUT maybe he doesn’t deem every single thing as good or bad, maybe it just is. And I don’t agree about the majority of society gets to decide, because in American we can say one thing is bad like an adult marrying a child and in another country they can say it is good. And what if society is split 50/50 on something? So the fair thing to say is, maybe, somehow, whoever gets to decide, would say you are “truly bad,” but we will never know and who tf cares anyway. You have a life to live.

@Maybe,MaybeNot When I say the majority of society, I think I mean like everybody on the planet. Like everyone learns what I have done and thought and would decide I’m either bad or good. I realize it doesn’t make much sense but neither does my ocd. I think with religion all the little bits of information I hear from believers makes it sound like I am in fact very bad so it makes it feel pretty hopeless. But I love the way your perspective on the issue presents itself and perhaps I can work towards adopting that mindset. Sorry too if I’m sounding like I am trying to dispute your advice. I’m not trying to be one of the people that complains all the time but just argued with suggestions and doesn’t do the work.

@Have a sunflower🌻 Hey Have a sunflower. I wish it was easier to explain Christianity on here, but I don't think I would explain it right, or I'm afraid I would be offensive in some way... But when it comes down to it, all of us have done something or another that is "bad", but I don't think "bad" is the right word to use. Instead, the word would be sin, and we have all sinned. But the whole point is that because of Jesus and what He did for us by dying on the cross for our sins, it's NOT hopeless, we have been saved by Him. It's a free gift from Him, all we have to do is accept it. I realize that if you're someone who doesn't believe in God though that it probably sounds confusing or uncertain. I realize you may not even like what I'm sharing with you, but in my heart I still feel like I have to share it with you. I know I've brought it up a few times now to you, and I hope I haven't angered you by bringing it up so much, I just read of you struggling and I just think to myself "I want to help if I can". I may not be much help, I'm afraid I may be making it worse, and if I am please tell me... I dont want to shove my beliefs down anyone's throat. I just want to help... Anyways, that's all I had to say... I hope you have a good night.

@Have a sunflower🌻 I totally hear what your saying because I think this way too. Like what if I could survey the entire world? But honestly, from previous posts I know one or two things you obsess about and they are things that many of us have done. I mean your username is literally have a sunflower- I highly doubt the whole world would think you are awful, but even if they did, you wouldn’t need to let that stop you from living your life. And if you’re bad, then we are probably all bad. I believe criminals and robbers and drug dealers, people who are violent, mean and rude, I don’t even think those people are “bad.” We all do things we wouldn’t do again. We all hurt other people.

@Have a sunflower🌻 Maybe,MaybeNot is right though. As humans we have no right to judge one another. Who am I to say whether a movie you watched is "bad" or not? Who am I to say if you're living your life right? It's none of my business. When it comes down to it, its your choice what you do in life, truly. I just believe God can help you, and that's all I'm trying to say. But please do what you feel your heart is telling you, don't take my word for it. Do your own research on all of it, in due time of course. I hope your OCD will get better and you will find peace. I really said more than I was planning to. I'm afraid I may have said the wrong things even... but I'm just trying to be your friend, even if I may have said something wrong in the process by mistake. Sorry... I'll stop now. Good night.

@Drew777 Stop doubting yourself and apologizing. You don’t owe anyone an explanation or apology for saying the things you think you should say.

@Maybe,MaybeNot Thanks. I appreciate what your saying Maybe,MaybeNot.

@Drew777 Maybe,MaybeNot is right about doubting yourself! If religion makes me uncomfortable to talk about then that is my fault for bringing it up first. I completely understand and respect that you are trying to help me and part of that is sharing your faith. I think I am just not quite in the right place to dive into religion. It’s a big and overwhelming topic for me. But again I am not saying that to be offensive or insensitive and I do appreciate your perspective and help!

@Maybe,MaybeNot Haha ok you honestly cracked me up calling out my username like that. Thank you it’s been a while since I laughed. Have you always had this perspective or did you develop it over time? I’m just wondering if there was any influential factors that helped you that I could use as well.

@Have a sunflower🌻 Haha I try to use humor to help people see how ridiculous their fears are. Because we really get so worked up over nonsense. I developed this new mindset from my amazing therapist who does ERP and brings her awesome sense of humor and sarcasm to session. It really helped me change the way I look at life. Life really isn’t that serious. And I don’t want to live life so seriously.

@Maybe,MaybeNot Hopefully I might develop a bit of that mindset with time!