POCD is genuinely terrifying. Yesterday, I was reading fan fiction on tumblr because I was bored, and I thought that it might help as an exposure because whenever I read it, I get a lot of intrusive thoughts. And I haven’t read it in a while because it scares me, so I thought I would try and read it. All of it was fine, but then I came across one that I wasn’t sure what was happening and then toward the end, it was more clear that it was a teacher and a student (I re read it to make sure that it wasn’t anything in appropriate) and I think it said that the girl was nearly 18, so it was legal anyway, and I think the teacher was quite young. But for some reason, I then started to worry and thought omg what if I read it wrong and it was an illegal relationship (nothing even happened in it, they just held hands) but I really started to worry, and then I got scared that everything I read yesterday was inappropriate. I’m so sick of my OCD twisting everything and making me believe things that aren’t true. After I read it, I of course was spiralling and then I had a memory come to me that I think then turned into false memory. Because when my nephew was younger, I used to babysit him, and so I had to change his nappies. And obviously, when you change them you have to wipe them clean and then put the new nappy on, and for some reason, yesterday sudden panic ran over me and I was like ‘what if I did something inappropriate to him’ and it’s ridiculous because I obviously would never hurt a child or do anything like that ever, the idea sickens me ! But my OCD is making it feel so real and I feel so depressed and sad. And the more I think about it, the more it seems so real and I get scared that I’ve done it. I feel terrible and sick and i just want get away from my mind !!! What makes it worse is also the ‘fake feelings’ as well. I hate myself so much, I just want to cry. Has anyone experienced a similar thing to this ?

Mine started as the very same. I’m so sorry yours is trying to morph into false memory. Don’t feed into the rumination it will only give the ocd more power. I know it’s easier said than done but tell ocd that maybe you did something maybe you didn’t but you just are accepting the uncertainty. Observe/ notice the intrusive memory thoughts but don’t entangle in them. Talk to your therapist about this as well

Sorry to hear you’ve been suffering with a similar thing. It’s horrible isn’t it ? ?thank you for your help. I’m really going to try and not ruminate, I struggle with that a lot. I’ve not got a therapist yet, I’m still on a waiting list but that’s for my anxiety and depression. I think I’m going to call them up again soon so that I can talk about my OCD. Doctors have said they think I have it, but that’s when I went about other issues and I mentioned some other stuff I was dealing with in terms of OCD. So I haven’t been ‘officially’ diagnosed, but I know I have it. I’ve done extensive research and everything just fits with how I’m feeling. Although I do get scared a lot that I don’t actually have it which makes me feel terrible because then I think ‘well what if the thoughts are true’. Wow, OCD is exhausting ?also, I remember you from a different post I posted months ago, I hope you are doing well :).

It’s horrible! Rumination is an urge and compulsion. Before I knew I had ocd I ruminated for probably 2 months. I thought I could “figure it out” I think it’s why mine got so bad because I fed into the ocd. Yes it’s important to see an ocd specialist Ocd will always try to make us think we are in denial Diagnosis does help tho. I’m doing ok thanks for asking, I’m in the middle of ERP with my therapist. It’s hard but I’m dealing better than I thought I would!

Aw yeah :( other therapists don’t recognize the ocd and won’t understand. My therapist has been a godsend! Mine is Ashley Annestedt I do video chats with her. You can google her to check into her therapy. I had to wait a few months but it was worth it. Insurances can remimburse you. Mine didn’t accept her so I’m paying for it out of pocket unfortunately. But, I think it’s worth it. Maybe you can check into someone similar or you might could check into her therapy And thanks you are too sweet!

I think that’s how mine started out. With me not actually realising that it was a mental problem. Because when everything first started to get bad, it was with HOCD but obviously sexuality is something that can take time to figure out, so I think I just assumed that it was just ‘normal’ to feel that way, but what made me think ‘oh, this may be something else’ was when I really started to obsess over it, and I caused myself a lot of distress and was ‘testing’ my reactions. And since then, I’ve had several themes of OCD. Yeah, I need to find a good OCD specialist. I get a bit worried that the people who I’ve been referred to for my anxiety and depression won’t really know the extensive ness of OCD, because when I was getting analysed on the phone, I spoke about a few issues that were OCD related (I didn’t out right say, I think I have OCD) but I spoke about the thoughts that I figured were HOCD and they only detected anxiety and depression so I think I’ll need to do some research for a therapist. It’s also difficult because I live in a small town so I feel like there won’t be many available. I’m glad to hear you’ve been doing better :) you’re really strong and i really hope it works for you :)

I’m so glad she’s been helpful to you :) I’ll definitely look her up. I’m not sure if she will be easily accessible for me though, because when you said insurance, it sounds like you’re from America. I’m from England, that’s why I detected you might be from somewhere else, because we don’t have insurance like that. Am I right, or was I thinking of a different kind of insurance ? I’ll definitely still check it out though, and I’ll keep researching for good therapists :) thank you so much for your help :)

Oh ok yeah she is in America :) she does do therapy outside of U.S but I’m not sure which countries. I hope you can find someone!

Oh okay :) well thank you for telling me anyway :) I’ll definitely still research so thank you !