Could this be a real event OCD? I apologise in advance if some part of this post are not comprehensible, english is not my first language. I'm also sorry for dragging too much on the argument, feel free to skip this Almost a month passed and I'm still stressed and anxious about what happened, it definitely has got better but until a week ago I woke up every morning feeling guilty about something I didn't do, it felt like if something was eating me from the inside. I feel like I'm not allowed to be happy, I can't fully enjoy hanging out with my friends anymore without feeling unpure or scared of the fact that one day they will turn their back on me believing the horrible rumors that live in my head, treating me like if I were some kind of a monster and saying things like "I always thought he was weird". I think worst fear has to be people misunderstanding me, believing in rumors and pointing their finger to me when something bad happens (something that happened a lot in the past) I used to chat in a telegram group with strangers, who were very edgy and joked about anything, even the most fucked up things, I was in the group because at that time I was alone and I didn't have many friends, it was a sort of escapism. As time passed I stopped chatting as often as I used to, almost to the point that I'd open the app only once every month. I deleted my account a lot of times, but I'd always come back out of boredom. Now I'm 15 and I've found a group of good friends that I don't want to lose, so I started hanging out more with them and basically stopped chatting on telegram. I'd check the messages once in a while to see what they were up to, because some of them were genuinely good people. During the summer people in the group chat talked about the new EU Policy called "Chat Control" (you can check it on google, only saying the word triggers my pocd) and some of them started joking about them having **** material, I was grossed out but initially I didn't think too much, I was sure they were joking (the average age of the group was 16, but I know that doesn't mean anything), but it was too much for me. I was afraid that one day someone would leak the chats online and that I'd get cancelled or accused of being something I'm not, and that my friends would leave my side and jump on the rumors because it's always easier that way. (It's the way cancel culture works, guilty until innocent) So I told them that I was quitting telegram because I didn't want to be associated with them anymore and so I did. I also asked some close friends to delete messages containing my real name for the same reason. I also wasn't that type of person anymore, I wanted to surround myself with a healthy enviroment and start being a better and kinder person. I thought that this was also an opportunity to finally close this bad chapter of my life and move on with life. Watching Dr K. on twitch (he's a psychiatrist who streams) also helped me a lot to grow as a person, at that time I suffered a lot from low self esteem, insicurities and bad communication skills, so he helped me prioritize mental health. My dream job is becoming a psychiatrist. Everything was going quite well until that night where I made the mistake to create a new telegram account, out of curiosity and boredom. When I came back a dude in the group chat that misunderstood the reason I had left was convinced that it was was because I had child ****, it triggered me and my pocd kicked in and I started panicking. My worst fear was happening right in that moment. I tried to say that it wasn't true but I don't think I did a very good job explaing myself, as I said before I suck at communicating. After lingering on what to do I made up an excuse to leave and deleted my account. But I think that made things worse, it definitely looked more suspicious. That day the whole world fell on top of me, it felt like everything was over for me. The anxiety and fear of being accused of being a **** was too much for me, until that day I was dealing pretty well with pocd, trying not to think about it. I had thoughts like "what if they start believing what he said? What if they report me to the police? What if my friends find out?" I cried myself to sleep. I didn't eat and speak much for two days, I constantly replayed the conversation that took place that day in my head over and over again, trying to fix my answer, wanting to clear the misunderstanding. I couldn't live with someone thinking that I was a ****. Then I finally vented to my mother, who was surprisingly understandive and willing to listen without judging me. She made me understand thar it wasn't my fault and that I shouldn't feel guilty. That helped me very much, but that still was reassurance right? In fact OCD found other ways to fuck me over, making doubt about other things. Every morning I woke up feeling like a mongers, I went to school feeling like a monster and went to sleep feeling like a monster. There were days where I was "okay" but then OCD would suddenly appear to ruin my day so I'd just go straight inside the bed sheets feeling like shit until it was somehow bereable. It's not that frequent tho, this past week there were more days where I felt "normal" (it was more bereable, but the guilt was always there) than days where I felt like a monster, thanks to the support of my mum and the community on NOCD. But I still don't know when OCD is going to strike me down, stronger than before. The only positive thing that came out of this situation is my stronger relationship with my mother. I should always be thankful to her, but I don't show it enough. I have to hang on til 21 October, that will be my first appointment with a neuropsychiatrist, I want to get help. I think I swayed a lot from my initial question, but do you think that this a Real Event OCD mixed with POCD?

(Possible TW; mentions of taboo sexual topics.) Hi, I (22M), have been suffering with OCD for many years now since I was a kid, and I suffer with POCD in particular as one of my main themes. On top of that, since I was young I've also had quite an excessive use of porn, which led to me to watching or reading quite a lot of different taboo porn/hentai and erotica. I engaged with a lot incest content, and when I was younger and going through puberty, I (unfortunately) even looked at a lot of animal hentai/erotica too (most of it being fake obviously, but I did seem some real stuff too which also aroused me. This is another main theme of my OCD, and I should stress that I very much regret, and I haven't interacted with such content for many years, nor have I felt the desire to, and the fact that I ever did makes me feel very disgusted and ashamed of myself). Now, groinal responses are one of the parts which I struggle with most, mainly because the feel incredibly real. Often times, my brain will create these very graphic and detailed sexual thoughts, surrounding whatever taboo theme, (it doesn't matter really; I struggle with pretty much all kinds of themes you can think of lol) and a lot of the times, I try and let the thoughts just pass without freaking out or reacting to them, but it feels like the longer I allow the thoughts to sit in my mind, the higher chance I have of becoming "aroused". For instance, if I have a sexual thought about a close family member, and simply let it happen, it feels like my brain focuses on the taboo aspect of it and tries to make the thoughts seem more detailed, or "erotic", and it causes an intense erection, very similar to how it feels when I look at any kind of "kinky" or taboo porn. Obviously this makes me worry even more, because it makes it feel even more real which only makes me question myself even more. It's like there's a disconnect between my brain and my body, because no matter how horrified of these thoughts I am, and how much I want to avoid any of those topics, my body feels like it's on a different page altogether, and becomes aroused, and sometimes even more intensely than it is with "regular" arousal. Another example is through my years of excessive porn use, I looked at a lot of (again, fictional) incest porn, a lot of which was centered around mother-son relationships. In all honesty, I probably do have a bit of an incest kink, but only between people who AREN'T my real family. I don't fantasise about my own family members, instead I usually just imagine made up, fictional characters. I'm so worried that now I've created an association within my brain between that topic and arousal, because of two reaons; One, I even experience arousal when I see people recalling real events of incest (I should mention that through the posts I've seen, it was all between consenting adults. Not that it makes it necessarily much better, but I thought I should clarify). Even though it seems to arouse me, at least physically, I try to do my best to avoid such content because it just feels wrong given that it's real. Additionally, my brain will throw intrusive thoughts at me of my own real mother, and it feels like it causes this same "taboo arousal" that the porn itself does. I do not want to be aroused or attracted by mother in any way, so this in particular is quite bothersome for me. So my question is, is it possible that over the years of watching different kinds of porn, I've trained my brain to become aroused by "forbiddeness" or taboo aspect, and THAT'S why I feel physical arousal from my intrusive thoughts? It feels like in my mind it makes sense, because as I mentioned before my body seems to react to ANY kind of sexual taboo, even ones I never had any interest in at all (enter POCD). But at the same time, my mind is trying to convince me that I'm just lying to myself to make myself feel better lol. I'm trying to look for reassurance, but I would like to know if anyone has any information on this kind of thing. I'm not currently in therapy as right now I simply don't have the funds for it, but I am working on finding a therapist as soon as possible. I apologise for the long post, and thank you all for any help. :)

This is really hard for me to post and put out here, I'm not diagnosed with OCD, I just recently started talk therapy. But when I was a child my mom speculated because I had OCD. Because I would have compulsions from intrusive thoughts that always stemmed around SA. Everything for me gets stuck in a record player and a spiral and I can't stop. This is a really concerning and disturbing one, so I thought I would warn again if the topic seems too much for many people. I just recently learned about false memeory OCD and its the only explanation I can come up with right now. I've never shared an intrusive thought out loud but this one is too much. I have been in a really intense spiral lately, where I keep having these extremely vivid memeories of me sexually assaulting people not in my body like I'm sleep walking. It's extremely disturbing and I've convinced myself I have this sort of alter identity or a sleep disorder that is violent. Ive looked up a bunch of disorders like that. I asked a few people if I sleep walk but they don't remember me ever doing something like that, but what if they somehow surpressed a memeory too? I want to bring this up to my therapist, but I have been afraid to because it is so much and a spiral that has lasted for the course of months now and I have ruined my mental health and relationships because of it. I am extremely paranoid that everyone is lying to me or plotting to hurt me. But not because I think they are bad, but because I believe I deserve it. It got to the point where I now have memories of people trying to tell me I am creepy and that I had done things to SA them, along with memories of people talking while I'm not in the room about it. And I genuinely can't tell if it's real or not because I swear they are actual events that I just never put too much thought into in the past or completely dissociated from. (My main response to anything too much or difficult is to dissociate.) It's actually concerning me and the people around me because if it's true then I don't think I should be around society. I don't eat right, I'm too afraid to sleep without my door locked, I am unemployed with no sense of direction out of highschool because of it. It all stemmed from a surpressed memeory , witch who knows is real now, where my ex calls me and tells me I assaulted him, and that he was going to get me back, and that he had spread explicit photos of me. Now I genuinely feel like there is evidence to back up this because he brings up all my coworkers I had at the time, and I have memories of them making strange comments to me. If I somehow assaulted this guy without having an ounce of social awareness of what I was doing was assault then I feel like I absolutely deserve every ounce of mental spiral that is consuming me and worse. And I don't know how to stop this. And I'm afraid if I tell my therapist she might put me in a hospital and my family just doesn't have the money for that, and neither do I as an individual. The guilt would consume me. But I'm pretty sure I have no choice at this point. Because anouther "memory" resurfaced where I took a nightmare I had a long time ago and somehow turned it into me being Sexually assaulted by my father this time, and now I can't look at him or my family without absolute disgust. And I have "memories" of my family trying to talk to me about it but I completely forgot the event and processed it like a dream. I can't tell if something really creepy is actually happening or not but I'm starting to think it is because the way my brother acts around my family is weird but it could be my paranoia and the fact I have been freaking out everyone around me with my mental health. Either way I need to tell a professional because if I DID hurt my ex seriously, I need to take every ounce of accountability. But I don't wanna confess to a memory I don't even fully understand myself. I thought about contacting him several times and asking him if I have ever caused pain, but he blocked me and I feel like that crosses boundaries he has clearly set. Also I don't want to put this mental crisis on any other people, because my family is already freaked out enough. After writing this all out I'm starting to believe I really should force myself to tell my therapist no matter the consequences, I just feel like I need to admit this to a someone to get over my fear of saying it all out loud. Because everyday and every night I keep being plagued by these unwanted flashes of either me being hurt or me hurting other people In really disturbing and terrible ways. and it feels completely real with like context I've made to back it up. Am I unconsciously creepy? I'm just afraid I've become my worse fear and I was it without knowing my whole life.

this is a long post, so just skip to the bottom if you only want to see my question pocd has been one of my themes for about 15 yrs now. i used to be so scared i would hurt a kid or that i was sexually attracted to kids which was reinforced by groinals. i'm at the point now where i know without a doubt that i'm not sexually attracted to kids and will never hurt a kid, and i very rarely get groinals anymore however since i overcame that part of pocd, now my ocd has latched hard onto worrying other ppl will think i'm a p*. for example, yesterday i was carrying my paddleboard to the boat launch, and a grandpa and his granddaughter were walking near me. i purposefully wasn't looking in their direction, but then the guy commented on my paddleboard. the girl started talking to me too about how she also had a paddleboard and was telling me all about it and i responded enthusiastically to her comments, like "heck yea," and "that's awesome." the guy was still included in the conversation and i replied to him enthusiastically as well. when we got to the boat launch, i told them to have a good day and the guy said "yea you too" and my ocd was immediately like "he thought that interaction was so weird, he probably thinks you're a p*" when i got in the water, i purposefully made sure i was rowing in the opposite direction of them (which conveniently was the direction i planned on going anyway). occasionally i would glance back to see where they were to make sure he didn't think i was following them and my ocd was like "he knows you're staring at her bc he thinks you're a predator." so i made a show of looking behind me in the other direction to make it seem like i was just looking around. i tried to ground myself and focus on the water and my breathing and used my erp skills and within a few minutes they were completely off my mind i'm wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience with overcoming the main obsession just to have the ocd double down on a different part of the theme? how did you handle it? i know i'll be able to overcome this just like i overcame my previous compulsions, but rn i'm frustrated that i worked so hard and my ocd pretty much laughed and gave me the finger lol