Hi everyone, recently i’ve been dealing with ROCD a lot more than usual. i have been dating this person for almost 2 years and it’s been filled with ups and downs, to put the most “downs” we’ve had is me being cheated on throughout the relationship since the beginning, probably over 5 times. With that being said it caused me to overthink all the time non stop. i’m not a invasive person but i did go through this persons phone. i couldn’t control myself because i’m constantly getting thoughts that there’s something they’re hiding. which 11/10 there is. i’ll constantly being lied to over little things and it hurts, my s/o does have compulsive lying as a problem but i also try to understand they can’t really help it. they have had a very traumatic childhood and has been lying from the age of 6 - 19 ( currently). my brain is constantly telling me there’s more i’m missing and it’s been having a hard time on me because i can’t eat right and as soon as i wake up in the morning i can’t help but cry. 2 days ago i found out they saw someone behind my back and they had a video with another person. they’ve also admitted to deleting messages but they claim they can’t remember what was said. i constantly feel like i have to pry at them for hours on end just to get the truth even if it’s something small, i forgot to mention they live with me. we sleep in the same bed, share a room. everything. we’re always together and i don’t want to give up on them, i can’t, my body and heart just won’t allow me and i think that’s what’s the hardest part. i know i deserve better and i want better but it’s just like i want this person. i know i can’t make someone love me or care about me no matter what i do but my brain just won’t let me rest. i constantly tell myself if i do this or that they’ll love me more and maybe they’ll stop doing bad things. whenever we have a fight or conversation about how i feel about something they did that wasn’t right i never get to “grieve” because i always end up comforting them and making them feel reassured that it’s okay. even when it’s not. that’s all i’ve ever known in this relationship. of course we have our happy moments but it’s just so stressful because when you’re with someone who lies 24/7, it’s like do i even really know who you are or is this all a lie?