tw: reassurance seeking. i love my bf so much. we are long distance and i had a thought about this guy who lives close to me. i became obsessed w thinking “what if i like this other guy, what if my relationship isn’t good enough”. even tho i feel like i know i am not attracted to him i hadn’t been able to stop worrying that i like him for days on end. my bf came to visit me for the weekend for our 2yr anniversary and i felt so relieved from the thoughts. not even an hour after he left the thoughts came back bc i saw the guy in class and haven’t stopped since the beginning of this week. i keep comparing them to try to stop the feelings which makes me feel so guilty because i know he doesn’t compare. it only makes me feel worse. is this normal and how can i stop it? i just want to feel that relief again. i told my bf how i was feeling last week and i told him how it’s not real but it feels very distressing. i haven’t told him that the feelings returned this week and i feel super guilty bc the guy is one of my friends. it’s just really stressful. idk if i’m using compulsions by asking these questions, how to stop using compulsions, or if i even have ocd, but i have thoughts that i obsess over day and night (literally while i’m sleeping too) and i need advice:( it’s super confusing bc i feel like i know the truth, but the thoughts feel unbearably real. idk rlly how to not use reassurance seeking/compulsions while i’m venting abt this? i’ll put a tw on this in case.

thank you!! <3

Omg. I need some advice from you!!! I got married 2 weeks ago in the midsts of an ROCD attack. I’ve been struggling for 2 months. Very recently I’m having intrusive thoughts about my future children to a point where I’m scared to even get pregnant even though in my heart, that’s all I’ve ever wanted. 😣 I’m scared my doubts will not only forever be towards the man I know I loved before the thoughts started but also cause me to question my love towards a baby 🥺

@Jeanie12 Congratulations!!! What do you mean in midst of an ROCD attack? Overall kudos girl for that strength, it’s hard huh? Being next to and just love someone so much but daily have your relationship be questioned? Girl I get triggered NON STOP.

@BacktoTheBasics You’re so sweet! Thank you! So I haven’t always struggled with ROCD! I can give you my back story here if that’s alright to try and explain a bit! I actually remember the exact day and time I was triggered which saved my relationship honestly. If I didn’t know what the exact thought was, the depression and anxiety that occurred because of the thoughts 100% would have caused me to call off my wedding. On August 9th my now husband and I were talking on the phone on my lunch break about how many people from my work we could afford to invite to our wedding! We talk almost everyday on my break! Once I got off the phone I went in with the invitations and handed one to a doctor I work with. As soon as the envelope left my hands I had a thought that said “you might be attracted to this man and if he’s at the wedding, you’ll be more worried about how he sees you than how your significant other sees you which means you’re not actually in love with the man you’re about to commit to.” Cue an instant fear response that had me bed ridden for over a month. I lost 20 pounds in that month, couldn’t sleep and also became agoraphobic. Just the thought of leaving my house threw me into a full panic attack. I finally came across NOCD and learned what I needed to do to fight this. I stopped avoiding wedding talk and began forcing myself to go out with my fiancé. Things have very slowly started to get better but the thought are projecting themselves on other things that are important to me like having kids with my husband! I have always wanted kids with him but I’m scared I’ll wonder wether I live my baby also. 🥺 I have struggled with harm OCD in the past and I just know that if I have a baby, I will fear hurting it. It’s a struggle every day and EVERYTHING triggers me also!! Believe me, it’s exhausting!!!

You are, so, so sweet! Thank YOU for sharing with me! It took all I had and some really hard work in the weeks leading up to the wedding. I knew in my heart what I’ve always wanted and I know these thoughts aren’t me although the feel so real at times. The same goes for me wanting kids. I know what I wanted before these thoughts took over abd I don’t want them to ruin my future! 😣 I deal with the same things girl! Recently when my husband and I have a disagreement that normally wasn’t a big deal, my brain says, “are you sure you can deal with this for the rest of your life?” Then I begin to spiral again. It’s exhausting!