Can't answer this but was this forced onto you?
If it isn't your value and not what you align with then live your life how to want to
This is real event Ocd, are you in therapy with an ocd specialist? And have you started erp? Sometimes for us with real event the erp has to be more like for those with ptsd and do erdm (I don’t know if those are the right letter but that is what I had to do for my real event Ocd). Also I wouldn’t call playing as a child, a sexual experience because you had know idea what you were doing, what sex is or what it means or what genders are etc