I’m suffering from TOCD and I hate when people say “well, cis/straight people don’t question their sexuality/gender so you must be some part of the LGBTs” and that’s not how it works at all

As a lesbian with SO-OCD, I feel so helpless. It's truly exhausting because no one I know understands what I'm going through. The first response is always, "You're just confused" or "You don't have to know yet." But that's not the issue, I do know. I just never see any lesbians with SO-OCD so I feel so invalidated. These thoughts flood my brain constantly, forcing me to analyze my reactions to every man I see. I feel trapped in an endless cycle of "testing" myself, trying to prove that I don't like them. But my brain fights back, telling me I do want to love a man, making it feel real even though don't want it. It's terrifying. At this point, it's hard to even hold onto my identity as a lesbian because I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know if this is what real attraction is supposed to feel like, and that fear eats away at me. The truth is, when I think about being with a man, all I feel is disgust and fear-but my brain twists that into doubt. I hate it. I'm at the point where I'm scared I'm going to have to accept something I don't want because I don't know if this will ever go away. I miss who I was before all this.

I am a 18 year old masc lesbian with a loving girlfriend for 1 year, and I have been lesbian for almost my whole life and I have never been attracted to men in any way. flash to my past, My ex girlfriend who used to identify as a lesbian had cheated on me with a man. Recently I saw this tiktok of this masc lesbian turn straight and my friends and girlfriend made jokes I am going to turn straight for my male best friend. My male best friend came over and he’s a great guy but I do not want him in any way. when him and i were hanging out my mind threw in a thought it was “What if i like him”, i came back home and i had the worst panic attack and i felt so sick, i cried and i cried. ever since that day I have been struggling with intrusive thoughts, i don’t want a man in any way, and i feel comfortable as a lesbian but these thoughts won’t stop and they become worse when i see people say being lesbian is a phase or that i haven’t met the right guy or i’ll change in the future. i just want these thoughts to stop, i don’t want to stop being a lesbian ever, i love women so much and i just want all of this to be over with. i do not want a man in any way and im tired of my thoughts doubting myself and i hate the “what ifs”, I just want to be my old self, I want to be happy with my girlfriend.

Warning: This might be triggering for people with POCD But very often when someone (me included) seeks reassurance with POCD people say "well a pedophile wouldn't worry about being a pedophile so you are not one" or "the fact that you are stressing about it means you care and you are not a pedophile" It's just pissing me off when people say it (I know they are trying to help) cause it seems like they have no idea what are they talking about. Even some therapist here said something like that to me once and it makes it hard to trust them after that, cause this is not true... Pedophlia is a paraphilia, and paraphilias can be ego dystonic. So a pedophile CAN be distressed because of his attraction and can worry about it too. Doesn't mean he is suddenly not one. I've seen multiple reddit confessions from actual pedophiles (non-offending ones) and most of them seem to hate the fact they have this attraction. Even saw I guy who thought he had POCD but then after years of therapy understood that he actually has this paraphilia. So those words just never help me