My SO-OCD thoughts feels so real, sometimes I feel like I’m in on the brink of giving in and just admitting that they’re true. I don’t want to date women or have sex with them, but I do sometimes feel what could be arousal when I see pictures or videos of scantily clad women. I don’t know that I’ve ever felt this about a woman in real life, but I have these feelings to images and videos designed to be sexually stimulating. These feelings always make me uncomfortable, but it doesn’t change the fact that they are there. I feel pretty numb towards men, including sexy pictures of men, and I’ve always been nervous around sex and any form of intimacy. I think I may be asexual, but then I worry that I’m using that label to hide from the truth. I like men, but I worry that I don’t like them enough.

Oth

214d ago

I read stories of women coming out as lesbian or bisexual, and I feel like there’s a sword hanging over my head. I’ve been fighting this for 10 years, and it feels like a losing battle. I genuinely don’t know how I feel about anything , and there are aspects of people’s journeys of self-discovery that I can relate to. I want so badly for this to be over, but if I give in I know that the thoughts are true.

eugenia

214d ago

For example you decided to be a lesbian, do you think your anxiety and uncertainty will go away?

eugenia

214d ago

I am pretty sure that you still won’t be sure and maybe feel even more anxious. Because that’s what ocd looks like. You will not get any answer by ruminating and analyzing. Just do erp and let this anxiety be)

PinkLotus

214d ago

I feel the same, i always worry there’s something wrong with me sexually. I want to enjoy sex, but I also have a great fear of it and just intimacy in general. I have a lot of false expectations and ideas around sex and arousal like “I need to be instantly aroused seeing my partner naked” and when these things don’t happen I freak out. You’re not alone

BradOCD

214d ago

I struggle with this. There’s a lot of ‘pressure’ out there to absolutely love sex and always feel on top of the world about it. But I feel like for me I always enjoy it but the times where I feel ‘amazing’ are like 1/5? And that never used to bother me that was just the way it is. But with HOCD that becomes further evidence, on top of any other taboo you’ve felt in the past that in the moment you just brushed over. For example I would always watch straight porn and would be 90% focussed on the women, my ocd is now saying I’ve always been primarily focused on the man (even tho I know that’s not true). I’d never expressed a romantic interest for a guy. Now it’s like if I’m not utterly disgusted by a man my brain tells me that I must therefore be attracted to them. In a way I’ve sort of just given up, I want to go back to the way I felt about my girlfriend before HOCD/ROCD. But that prospect seems quite difficult when I look back at all the evidence, emotions and feelings I’ve had through this episode.