TW POCD Please help. If you drink alcohol and you have intrusive thoughts during the m word (me time) does that mean they are true? The whole time I was trying to ignore them and trying to make them go away which unfortunately didn’t work it just made it worse but it doesn’t make it true when you have alcohol right? They are still unwanted intrusive thoughts? Because I really hope they are not true. I was sort of drunk but not to a point where I wasn’t aware of what I was doing so I was still able to try to tell myself that it’s just lies and to ignore them. I’m scared to death. I don’t want to be a monster 💔

I don’t know if my hormones are extra wild this month or what, but I have been having so many POCD thoughts lately. It feels like I enjoy them in the moment, and then a few seconds later, I get this tiny flicker of *wait I don’t think I actually want to enjoy that.* It’s scaring me a lot. I was watching adult videos for the first time in about a year, since I had been avoiding them because of my OCD. I know they are not good for anyone, but I felt like i could (ironically it felt like a tiny win that my OCD had calmed down enough). But while watching, I had like 3 separate POCD thoughts. And it felt like I liked them. Like genuinely *liked* them. I don’t know if maybe my body was mixing up physical pleasure and mental pleasure, and then my brain inserted those not okay thoughts into the situation, which got tangled up with the pleasure responses I felt mentally and physically. It is all really confusing. I just feel so scared. I know OCD thoughts are supposed to feel real, and that once you get desensitized to the anxiety, they lose their power. But this feels like I am *actually enjoying* the thoughts, and that makes me want to cry. I’m scared that I actually like these thoughts when I’m really aroused :( Please help.

My OCD is awful when it comes to intrusive thoughts, and I also have BPD. I’ve never acted on the intrusions in harmful ways before—I’ve always found ways to manage them that are healthy and safe. But I got quite drunk during a psychiatric episode (I wasn’t fully aware I was in one at the time), and I acted on an intrusive thought in a way that wasn’t healthy or very safe. That’s the best way I can put it. I’m so ashamed and overwhelmed with guilt. I didn’t physically harm anyone or anything, but what I did was enough that it’s been eating me alive and has severely heightened my mental state. I’ve tried using my usual coping skills, I reached out to 988 and other crisis lines, I even texted AI chats. But I’m too scared to tell my regular therapist or psychiatrist. I’m currently on a leave of absence from work because I was already in a crisis state, and now I just don’t know what to do. I tried looking for articles or videos from people who’ve acted on intrusive thoughts, but everything says things like “people with OCD never act on them” or “intrusive thoughts are harmless,” and while those can be reassuring in general, I did act on one. Not being able to find any resources or support for this makes me feel even worse. That’s a big reason why I downloaded this app.

I am so scared of everything .Of my thoughts.If I am a good person.Years ago I didnt help a kid who was in danger.Since then I started to have terrible thoughts :( i am so terrified.I still have these thoughts and I am scared it means something about me .I really dont want to hurt anyone and I want to help that kid now but idk how I can now.Also I am scared I betray everyone.I still have terrible thoughts and when I am with someone I care is worse...idk why.For example I started to talk with a collegue and he is really nice to me.I told him some things abt me( not the intrusive thoughts) and he was supportive.I have no idea if I will tell anyone abt my thoughts..and bcs of that I feel like I lie to them and betray them.I really want to enjoy my life and be happy and support people( especially because I didnt help that kid then).I want to live up to my morals now but I feel like I lie and manipulate people bcs I am a monster.Is this normal? To feel this way? What can I do? What if I am my worst fear and just cant accept it?!