I went to see the people who havent spoken to me because of covid yesterday to get reassurance it wasnt because of my OCD. I feel terrible today.......the lady I spoke to was nice enough to me but I seriously think she is suffering from dementia. She helped me get over my OCD last time but when I asked her if it was because of my OCD they have fallen out with me she said...'OCD???? No.....' I must have asked her about 4 times and at one point she said she must have OCD........She was a bit confused and now I have terrible anxiety. She said her husband didnt want to see me. I asked her why they were like this and she said oh the stuff that has been going on with the injections and stuff......They are in their mid 70s. I have such anxiety today. How can I do an ERP to stop myself from going over the conversation I had with her yesterday? I felt okay afterwards yesterday but today I have been sick with the anxiety. Please help me because I am so upset. I wish I had never gone round there. And I know seeking reassurance makes it worse. I am my own worse enemy. I cant stand this anymore. Why wont my brain just leave me alone? They were so kind to me when I had OCD 2 yesrs ago and even read up on it so why does it torture me like this now? I hate people falling out with me and fear I will never get over this one. I dont want to live anymore with OCD.

"Pure" OCD

lou47

Date posted: 4y

Thank you so much Daz. I will keep you updated x

lou47

Date posted: 4y

Could someone please help and tell me how I should do ERP for this? My anxiety is so high today I have been sick. Thanks

lou47

Date posted: 4y

Hi Daz. Thank you so much for replying. I cried when you said i have to recognise I have an illness. It is so hard to think that until I actually get over it. I was doing okay with my ERP until yesterday. Like you said it is looking for reasons to make me doubt. At first I was glad I went round as my friends are staying and they said I did the right thing and I sat with the anxiety but today I have felt so ill. Have you got whatsapp? X

lou47

Date posted: 4y

No problem at all. Completely understand. And yes I suppose you are right....because these elderly people have fallen out with me I cant get the reassurance they gave me in the past. I had an intrusive thought about their grandaughter a couple of years ago....and this thought related to sharing a bed with her when she was about 10 which was probably about 5 years prior! It came out of nowhere on xmas day.....the thought hit me....what if when you shared a bed with her years ago your leg and front bit touched her leg when you were asleep! Then all the thoughts came....what if i'm a 'p' etc. This episode went on for about 6 months really. I told them what my thought was and almost immediately they said that they worried like that when they looked after a friends little girl! I told them that I have 'what if' questions and that OCD was egodystonic. They knew I was unwell and got me out on walks etc. One of my fears at the time as well was what if a horrible 'friend' told their son (who i have known all my life) and their reply was that he and his daughter would just laugh. The lady went home and read up about OCD and text me and called me saying that she never realised how much I had been suffering. But since her husband was rather horrible to me about my views on Covid and not getting the jab straight away (i have had both now) my OCD flaired up and said almost immediately that it is because of that they dont want to be friends now! It is absolutely crazy I know but the thoughts are coming in that what if they thought my OCD thoughts were real etc. I know I should be able to get rid of this nonsense but it just wont go. I have been doing ERP and some of the things the OCD tried to make me believe I no longer believe. But it drives me nuts! Since yesterday it has been trying to say that I have brought attention to my OCD now and they might think the thoughts were real! It never gives in! I have tried to do an ERP around this but cant seem to find the right words. My brain makes me think I am in trouble!!!! It is so frightening! So as you can see my OCD is just so illogical and irrational! The erp i tried to do on loop tape was..'this lady has said it is my ocd why they dknt speak to me anymore' but it doesnt seem to get my anxiety up enough!

lou47

Date posted: 4y

Thank you so much Daz. That has helped me a lot especially about the hallmark of anxiety being mind reading! I have never thought of it like that! When you say try CBT on these thoughts what do you mean? I am afraid I will never be contacting these people ever again as they have made it perfectly clear that they no longer want my friendship which is a shame but their choice. I am not mentally reviewing the conversation I had yesterday too much as it is over and it is the OCD that is really trying to make me do that. So I suppose I am sort of doing ERP! I suppose I can accept that my intrusive thoughts are just that but then I have this fear that this couple don't!! But then I suppose I should think that that is their problem and not mine! I know this is all OCD but it just scares me if I didn't explain my OCD to them properly although they read up all about it! They saw me at my worst I suppose and how distressed I was about those previous intrusive thoughts. I remember saying to them once that I worry that people think I am horrible because I had horrible thoughts! They obviously reassured me I certainly wasn't! I will take on board what you said and these anxious thoughts are the product of an illness. X

lou47

Date posted: 4y

Wow!!!!! Daz you are amazing! Thank you SO much for this! You certainly know what you are talking about! It is such a complicated disorder. I will now do this and hopefully get some clarity back into my life! When I start thinking the negative thought ie they dont want to speak to me because of my OCD I will now challenge this like you have said ....did she explicitly say that! And i will also practice not responding with rumination and compulsions! You have made me feel so much better Daz. The other week it was like a light bulb had switched on in my brain and I realised these were all OCD thoughts....I am sure I will get this clarity once again using this method. I regretted getting reassurance almost as soon as I did yesterday but we learn from our mistakes! Thank you so much x

Jenna Overbaugh

User type: Staff

Date posted: 4y

this seems SO difficult. sending you lots of love and strength for recovery. resisting rituals is so hard because you know that you shouldn't do it but it feels really real in the moment like that's the only thing you can do to move forward and feel better. how are you doing now? have you reached out to our care team for the 15 minute free phone consultation? let us know how you're doing! we are rooting for you

lou47

Date posted: 4y

Thank you so much. I have had a couple of bad days but have my NOCD therapist soon today. It just frightens me because the OCD says that this episode is different and about what people think! It never ends! I get help from people who really helped me when I needed it but then the OCD turns it on its head years later!! I was hoping I would get peer support whilst having therapy with NOCD but dont seem to. X

iqqqrah

Date posted: 15w

I’m having a real life ocd spiral

Hi everyone. I’m having a spiral and really need advice. Today I went shopping and saw an actor I have been watching since I was a child. I used to watch this particular show ten years ago and since my ocd got worse I went back and started watching the show again for the last few months. Anyways I saw the actor and got a picture and everything was fine. I’ve come home and my mind is working overtime trying to ruin it. I keep having intrusive thoughts that someone recorded me and I looked bad and now they will embarrass me . Or I walked off awkwardly. Or the actor didn’t want a picture and I disturbed him. Or my clothes looked weird. Please can someone convince me otherwise. I realise I can’t even watch the show tonight as it’s making me panic 😭

Hammm

Date posted: 9w

When is reassurance okay?

Yesterday I was really worried about something that happened about 10 years ago and it was causing me anxiety to the point I was struggling at work. So I texted my mom and asked if I could come talk to her after work but it got to the point it was consuming me to where I just texted her about it because I couldn’t move on with my day. She is usually very good about helping me understand the situation so that I can calm down. However, yesterday once I told her about my worry all she said was ‘Oh well? I’m not judging you’ to which I completely lost it and felt like she was confirming that what I did was bad. She said she doesn’t want to feed the obsession. I know that she is trying not to reassure me but I feel like it’s sent me into a deeper spiral. I have had some bad experiences in the past where I’ve trusted some people with my OCD themes and they back stabbed me and even spread rumors about me. I’ve been able to trust my mom up until this point, but now I can’t even get myself to text her. I don’t want to see her and I have this extreme feeling of anger towards her. I feel like this is finally the thing she’s gonna hate me for. I once heard that on earth we see sin on a spectrum or a scale that some sin is worse then others. However, to God who is looking down, where we see a stack, He can only see the top of the stack so it just looks like red dots to him so all sin is the same to Him. I really struggle with the idea of God, but I feel like I see it the same way, bad is bad regardless of how bad. At least that’s how I see it within myself, not others. So when I do something I perceive as bad it is just bad and makes me bad and to me that is logical. For example, when someone commits murder they are labeled as a bad, awful person, regardless of if they have done 1000 amazing things in their life. Even if they aren’t convicted for 30 years and they completely turn their life around and do amazing things, it does not matter. They still did something bad and people will hunt them down so they can be punished. So why is any other bad thing any different? People say it’s real event OCD and that these things I worry that I’ve done are not a big deal. But, if I’m worried about something that really happened then how can it be irrational? I have never murdered anyone but I feel like I have given that’s they way I feel about any potentially bad thing I’ve done. So when I can’t get reassurance sometimes I feel like it confirms that feeling of bad and makes me spiral more because then I think not only do I see myself this way, but now so does this other person. I know that this is a long post, but can anyone relate? Is reassurance sometimes okay?

zzyyxx

Date posted: 7w

I need support please..

I was doing fine. My psychiatrist told me we can quit the medicine. And my therapist told me that i don't need to continue therapy since i was in a good place where i could control my OCD symptoms. But a couple days ago my intrusive thoughts came back. And yesterday i went to see my psychiatrist and she decided to go back to my usual dose. But she also told me she had suspicions that what i have is OCD. She told me i could be more like Generated Anxiety disorder. But when i tell her about my most prominent intrusive thought, she told me this was OCD and i should not dwell on the titles. I am confused and panicked now thinking if i am not OCD, then what i am thinking is real? But i don't want it to be. The thought makes me scared and panicked. And i find myself thinking about it constantly. Looking for evidences and checking my past memories. And then i go back to thinking what if i am in denial and this fear is the fear of denial? What should i do? How can i stop this chain of thoughts?

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