I went to see the people who havent spoken to me because of covid yesterday to get reassurance it wasnt because of my OCD. I feel terrible today.......the lady I spoke to was nice enough to me but I seriously think she is suffering from dementia. She helped me get over my OCD last time but when I asked her if it was because of my OCD they have fallen out with me she said...'OCD???? No.....' I must have asked her about 4 times and at one point she said she must have OCD........She was a bit confused and now I have terrible anxiety. She said her husband didnt want to see me. I asked her why they were like this and she said oh the stuff that has been going on with the injections and stuff......They are in their mid 70s. I have such anxiety today. How can I do an ERP to stop myself from going over the conversation I had with her yesterday? I felt okay afterwards yesterday but today I have been sick with the anxiety. Please help me because I am so upset. I wish I had never gone round there. And I know seeking reassurance makes it worse. I am my own worse enemy. I cant stand this anymore. Why wont my brain just leave me alone? They were so kind to me when I had OCD 2 yesrs ago and even read up on it so why does it torture me like this now? I hate people falling out with me and fear I will never get over this one. I dont want to live anymore with OCD.

"Pure" OCD

lou47

Date posted: 4y

Thank you so much Daz. I will keep you updated x

lou47

Date posted: 4y

Could someone please help and tell me how I should do ERP for this? My anxiety is so high today I have been sick. Thanks

lou47

Date posted: 4y

Hi Daz. Thank you so much for replying. I cried when you said i have to recognise I have an illness. It is so hard to think that until I actually get over it. I was doing okay with my ERP until yesterday. Like you said it is looking for reasons to make me doubt. At first I was glad I went round as my friends are staying and they said I did the right thing and I sat with the anxiety but today I have felt so ill. Have you got whatsapp? X

lou47

Date posted: 4y

No problem at all. Completely understand. And yes I suppose you are right....because these elderly people have fallen out with me I cant get the reassurance they gave me in the past. I had an intrusive thought about their grandaughter a couple of years ago....and this thought related to sharing a bed with her when she was about 10 which was probably about 5 years prior! It came out of nowhere on xmas day.....the thought hit me....what if when you shared a bed with her years ago your leg and front bit touched her leg when you were asleep! Then all the thoughts came....what if i'm a 'p' etc. This episode went on for about 6 months really. I told them what my thought was and almost immediately they said that they worried like that when they looked after a friends little girl! I told them that I have 'what if' questions and that OCD was egodystonic. They knew I was unwell and got me out on walks etc. One of my fears at the time as well was what if a horrible 'friend' told their son (who i have known all my life) and their reply was that he and his daughter would just laugh. The lady went home and read up about OCD and text me and called me saying that she never realised how much I had been suffering. But since her husband was rather horrible to me about my views on Covid and not getting the jab straight away (i have had both now) my OCD flaired up and said almost immediately that it is because of that they dont want to be friends now! It is absolutely crazy I know but the thoughts are coming in that what if they thought my OCD thoughts were real etc. I know I should be able to get rid of this nonsense but it just wont go. I have been doing ERP and some of the things the OCD tried to make me believe I no longer believe. But it drives me nuts! Since yesterday it has been trying to say that I have brought attention to my OCD now and they might think the thoughts were real! It never gives in! I have tried to do an ERP around this but cant seem to find the right words. My brain makes me think I am in trouble!!!! It is so frightening! So as you can see my OCD is just so illogical and irrational! The erp i tried to do on loop tape was..'this lady has said it is my ocd why they dknt speak to me anymore' but it doesnt seem to get my anxiety up enough!

lou47

Date posted: 4y

Thank you so much Daz. That has helped me a lot especially about the hallmark of anxiety being mind reading! I have never thought of it like that! When you say try CBT on these thoughts what do you mean? I am afraid I will never be contacting these people ever again as they have made it perfectly clear that they no longer want my friendship which is a shame but their choice. I am not mentally reviewing the conversation I had yesterday too much as it is over and it is the OCD that is really trying to make me do that. So I suppose I am sort of doing ERP! I suppose I can accept that my intrusive thoughts are just that but then I have this fear that this couple don't!! But then I suppose I should think that that is their problem and not mine! I know this is all OCD but it just scares me if I didn't explain my OCD to them properly although they read up all about it! They saw me at my worst I suppose and how distressed I was about those previous intrusive thoughts. I remember saying to them once that I worry that people think I am horrible because I had horrible thoughts! They obviously reassured me I certainly wasn't! I will take on board what you said and these anxious thoughts are the product of an illness. X

lou47

Date posted: 4y

Wow!!!!! Daz you are amazing! Thank you SO much for this! You certainly know what you are talking about! It is such a complicated disorder. I will now do this and hopefully get some clarity back into my life! When I start thinking the negative thought ie they dont want to speak to me because of my OCD I will now challenge this like you have said ....did she explicitly say that! And i will also practice not responding with rumination and compulsions! You have made me feel so much better Daz. The other week it was like a light bulb had switched on in my brain and I realised these were all OCD thoughts....I am sure I will get this clarity once again using this method. I regretted getting reassurance almost as soon as I did yesterday but we learn from our mistakes! Thank you so much x

Jenna Overbaugh

User type: Staff

Date posted: 4y

this seems SO difficult. sending you lots of love and strength for recovery. resisting rituals is so hard because you know that you shouldn't do it but it feels really real in the moment like that's the only thing you can do to move forward and feel better. how are you doing now? have you reached out to our care team for the 15 minute free phone consultation? let us know how you're doing! we are rooting for you

lou47

Date posted: 4y

Thank you so much. I have had a couple of bad days but have my NOCD therapist soon today. It just frightens me because the OCD says that this episode is different and about what people think! It never ends! I get help from people who really helped me when I needed it but then the OCD turns it on its head years later!! I was hoping I would get peer support whilst having therapy with NOCD but dont seem to. X

Medicine2021_

Date posted: 23w

Suicidal OCD and harm OCD

I’ve recently been struggling a lot with OCD. I have had OCD for a long time I just didn’t realize it until more recently. About seven months ago I developed panic attacks one day randomly at work. I thought I was having a heart attack and went to the hospital where they told me it was just a panic attack and I assumed I would snap out and be better within a few days. However it didn’t. Here’s where it gets scary, I was staying at my then boyfriends house while dealing with blurry vision, anxiety attacks everyday, and more (unsure of what was going on). But at some point I saw my bfs (pew pew 🔫) on his table and it sent me into an anxiety attack after sudden thoughts that I was going to hurt myself with it. I begged him to put it away when I’m not looking so I didn’t know where he put it. He did. These thoughts lasted for about four days but began to go away. (I thought that was it and I would be back to normal). Unfortunately though I ended up moving back in with my family when we couldn’t get my panic attacks under control in time for me to get back to work and pay bills. However, coming home brought up a lot of trauma from when I was kid. My anxiety got worse but I didn’t have those thoughts again. About two and half months ago though, I got sick and went to the hospital where they gave me steroid pills and a steroid shot but sent me into some kind of psychiatric event. Ever since then though, I have been suffering from harm OCD, I have had moments of intense anger that I usually have to completely walk away and go on my own because of how intense they are, and it feels like it’s getting worse. Today I felt fine until about and hour and half ago where I started to dwell on the fact that my suicidal thought was influenced by my OCD and at the moment my OCD is at the worst it’s been. This caused me to get suddenly really depressed and I started crying thinking about how I can’t handle this. I then saw a post talking about how suicide rates are high for people with this form of OCD and it made me question if I am mentally strong enough to pull through this. I fear that at times I’m getting worse. I have good days but I have a lot of bad days. Unfortunately this sent me into such a bad panic attack I went over to my nanas crying about how I can’t deal with this. I took a 0.25 mg Xanax which helped calm down the panic attack portion of it but my brain is still uncomfortably active. I guess I just need hope. I’m so saddened by this. It’s like my life took a total 360 in 10 months and got even worse since the steroid shot. Idk what to do about it. I can’t stop the spiral. I talk to two different therapist weekly and start more next week, making it 5 times a week. I feel no improvements…

Anonymous

Date posted: 22w

religious OCD

Please help. I have felt so off/wrong all day. I constantly worry that the “bad guy” is going to get me. I have awful thoughts and I constantly want God to know that I don’t mean these thoughts. I am at a point in my therapy where I need to choose to use my ERP but it feels too scary. I then do compulsions, which makes the OCD worse, which makes me want to use ERP less. And the cycle goes on. I am currently sitting in my car crying because I feel so lost and exhausted. I’m not supposed to figure out my thoughts, but today I just went into a spiral of sadness and depression, thinking that I will always feel like this. When my thoughts got really bad at the end of the day, I tried to use ERP even though I was shaking and not believing my responses and I ended up feeling like I missed something and that I gave into the “bad guy.” I have no one to talk when I’m not doing therapy twice a week. I am alone and have no one to talk to when I am like this… please help

iqqqrah

Date posted: 11w

I’m having a real life ocd spiral

Hi everyone. I’m having a spiral and really need advice. Today I went shopping and saw an actor I have been watching since I was a child. I used to watch this particular show ten years ago and since my ocd got worse I went back and started watching the show again for the last few months. Anyways I saw the actor and got a picture and everything was fine. I’ve come home and my mind is working overtime trying to ruin it. I keep having intrusive thoughts that someone recorded me and I looked bad and now they will embarrass me . Or I walked off awkwardly. Or the actor didn’t want a picture and I disturbed him. Or my clothes looked weird. Please can someone convince me otherwise. I realise I can’t even watch the show tonight as it’s making me panic 😭

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