Please help! I’ve got so used to my HOCD thoughts that now when I have ‘straight’ thoughts they make me so anxious. This morning I felt myself really attracted to women (like I used to be) and it made me so panicky. Now I sometimes catch myself calling myself “gay” and it doesn’t feel me with anxiety which then in itself makes me anxious. And now when I am attracted to a women I feel anxious. It’s like the HOCD has reversed itself. It’s as if. At first the gay thoughts made me anxious and uncomfortable, then they just made me uncomfortable. Now the straight thoughts make me anxious but not necessarily uncomfortable?

This seems like it might be something that we call the backdoor spike. This is when you start to have less intrusive thoughts or the thoughts change in someway, that make you think "well you aren't anxious so that must mean you like them". This is just another one of those nasty tricks that OCD plays every once in a while, another way that it keeps you trapped and stuck. It's okay to be aware of having thoughts like this but try not to hone in and pay too much attention to them, try not to engage with them or answer its questions. I know this is so much easier said than done but give it a try and let me know how it goes.