I have been married for 16 years and have been with my wife for a total of 18 years. Our lives have taken on completely separate paths. I am the only one working because we moved to another state 6 years ago for my job. She has not been able to find good work with her skill sets. She has had countless jobs since the move but nothing steady. I told her to quit multiple times and she has. She is now in school but stopped because she said she hated the way she was being treated. It was an online program. She has since began a certification program with the idea that once she achieves that she will reenroll in school to finish her degree. I am totally supportive of her choices and want her to be successful.   I have OCD and also have an amazing career. She has been super supportive of me. I will never question or accuse her of not being supportive. But we are now getting ready for divorce. My OCD has caused a lot of strife and negativity in our marriage. I have also had "inappropriate" relationships with other women that I have worked with. Let me expand on this... I have never physically cheated or come close to that.   Maybe 5 years ago I was having a conversation with a woman whom I had worked with about our miscarriages and she was telling me similar information about her inability to get pregnant. It was an honest and raw conversation. I felt like if I wanted to I could kiss her. I felt so guilty that I confessed to my wife this information. You see, that's what I do to relieve the anxiety. Another time my wife and I went out with another couple. I worked with both of them but closely with the wife of the couple. We developed a very friendly relationship and when we were out we were talking closely and laughing and she touched my arm flirtatiously. My wife was so pissed and I now have had another “inappropriate”relationship in her mind.   I also had a coworker woman at another job that I reassured and helped a bit by being supportive during some work strife. I helped get some games and stuff together from the staff when her daughter was in the hospital. We went to a one day training and had lunch but nothing more. Most of these situations I knew there was a bit of attraction but I would never go as far as acting on that. No secret texts or emails or things like that. Nothing physical or intimate.   Speaking of, my wife and I have intimacy issues and have for a long time. There are reasons which are not for me to share. She also has a terrible relationship with her family mostly. I am not sure how to be any more supportive of her regarding her stuff. The patience and understanding has worn thin or is no longer in existence. Everyday is another day filled with tension, frustration, and general unhappiness. There is a bunch of anger, resentment, animosity, frustration, and deep wounds that she carries towards me. My wife is built to not forgive or forget. These things I share here, will never not be present. She remembers everything and if anyone crosses her she is deeply wounded.   I know that my OCD has been a big part of our issues. I try to own that as best I can. Its hard for me to hear things like I am the reason why she stopped school or that she is going to move across the country to get away from me, that I am untrustworthy and that I have betrayed her. I don’t really have a response to them. I do get defensive a bit because I feel like I didn’t do really anything. But I also need to understand that if she feels these things that she tells me, that is her reality and I have to be ok with that.   I feel so responsible for everything that has gone wrong in my marriage. If I don’t own everything that I do or say or not do or not say or when I have OCD about something and I confess, then I am the common denominator in my marriage downfall. Its all me. I am the failure with all if my OCD and character flaws.   I have no excuses other than to try to cope. I am so ashamed of everything... my confessions, these “improper” relationships, the time that I was wasted and said some things to my wife and she will never forget or forgive me for. She says that she is scared of me, I make poor choices with many things, that I am a narcissist, I don’t pay attention to her, I don’t care about her. I have never been abusive towards her in any way. I try to build up instead of tear down. I am not perfect but that is just in my nature to be positive and want to help. But at different tomes, OCD has made me confess dark and shameful thoughts. My Dad died in July and there was a celebration of life in August. I flew back home to be with my Mom and to coordinate. My wife stayed here with our dog. We fought the entire time I was there and she reminded me that she was leaving me because of what I described above. The other time for the celebration of life, we fought again the entire time. I have never felt so alone and disconnected. I am not sure I have even grieved yet. Too much guilt and anxiety from the marital problems. I am a mess and needed to get some of this out. Thanks for reading this. I appreciate it.