Has anyone with HOCD ever felt completely convinced they must be gay? And feel next to know anxiety about it and then have spikes of sudden anxiety because you almost realise again how uncomfortable that makes you?

I don’t know what to do anymore I genuinely have just given up

@BradOCD Everyday it feels like my OCD is making me more okay with it

As in you believed you were gay? Did it feel like you wanted to be but also didn’t at the same time?

@Bimmi Did you ever get scared or actually being yourself again? At the moment I feel like I’ve been this way so long it’s like I almost want it but don’t want it at the same time. I’m so confused. Like if someone could just come up to me and make me have my straight thoughts back I would say yes without a doubt, but it’s like it just doesn’t compute. Like today I read the definition of being biromantic and was almost like “hang on but I do find my girlfriend attractive and I do have romantic feelings for her” and I felt good then panicked and now it’s back to normal.

@BradOCD Brad, think back to a more simpler time, when you were a child of eight or ten years of age. You must’ve had a childhood crush on someone?

@7EMPES7 When I was little and even up until a few months ago I had crushes on so many girls. I used to love the excitement of going on dates and all of that. I was always quite nervous about sex but when I met my girlfriend she completely made me feel at ease and the first few months I felt like a new man. Then I started worrying about how much I was enjoying myself so would start checking to see if I enjoyed it and then obviously wouldn’t.

I believe the events that caused my OCD was my father leaving me when I was 6 and then having a very complicated relationship with my mother. The result was being brought up completely by my grandmother. What brought on this set of thoughts was actually me being so happy in my relationship and with my life as a whole and then all of a sudden I had three weeks apart (for holiday) from my gf and it just felt like my world shattered. And it all started from there with ROCD and then this lead to one day someone simply saying the word gay and the HOCD started I remember when it started I almost found it funny because it sounded so silly. Then like with everything I ruminated and ruminated till I found enough evidence to make me start believing it’s true

Some days I feel certain, but I just don’t like the answer. Then other days I feel certain about another answer. If it’s the answer I like then I almost start rejecting it by thinking about all the evidence

@BradOCD You constantly doubt yourself, even when evidence proves otherwise...?

@7EMPES7 Yep! All the time. Even now

@BradOCD I once believed, that someone I had feelings for... came to see me and I had ignored them. I kept worrying that this had happened, until I managed to contact the person and ask them if it had happened. To which they confirmed it hadn’t. I was relieved.