- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
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- Date posted
- 3y
I don’t know what to do anymore I genuinely have just given up
- Date posted
- 3y
@BradOCD Everyday it feels like my OCD is making me more okay with it
- Date posted
- 3y
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- 3y
As in you believed you were gay? Did it feel like you wanted to be but also didn’t at the same time?
- Date posted
- 3y
@Bimmi Did you ever get scared or actually being yourself again? At the moment I feel like I’ve been this way so long it’s like I almost want it but don’t want it at the same time. I’m so confused. Like if someone could just come up to me and make me have my straight thoughts back I would say yes without a doubt, but it’s like it just doesn’t compute. Like today I read the definition of being biromantic and was almost like “hang on but I do find my girlfriend attractive and I do have romantic feelings for her” and I felt good then panicked and now it’s back to normal.
- Date posted
- 3y
@BradOCD Brad, think back to a more simpler time, when you were a child of eight or ten years of age. You must’ve had a childhood crush on someone?
- Date posted
- 3y
@7EMPES7 When I was little and even up until a few months ago I had crushes on so many girls. I used to love the excitement of going on dates and all of that. I was always quite nervous about sex but when I met my girlfriend she completely made me feel at ease and the first few months I felt like a new man. Then I started worrying about how much I was enjoying myself so would start checking to see if I enjoyed it and then obviously wouldn’t.
- Date posted
- 3y
Was there any event in your life, that caused you to believe these thoughts. Harassment, bullying etc?
- Date posted
- 3y
I believe the events that caused my OCD was my father leaving me when I was 6 and then having a very complicated relationship with my mother. The result was being brought up completely by my grandmother. What brought on this set of thoughts was actually me being so happy in my relationship and with my life as a whole and then all of a sudden I had three weeks apart (for holiday) from my gf and it just felt like my world shattered. And it all started from there with ROCD and then this lead to one day someone simply saying the word gay and the HOCD started I remember when it started I almost found it funny because it sounded so silly. Then like with everything I ruminated and ruminated till I found enough evidence to make me start believing it’s true
- User type
- Staff
- Date posted
- 3y
ocd often wants you to be on one side of the fence or the other - regardless of the context or the situation. treatment requires you/encourages you to be right on the fence, right in the middle, not knowing one way or the other, not having 100% certainty one way or the other. and that's really uncomfortable but that's where we would encourage you to be okay being <3
- Date posted
- 3y
Some days I feel certain, but I just don’t like the answer. Then other days I feel certain about another answer. If it’s the answer I like then I almost start rejecting it by thinking about all the evidence
- Date posted
- 3y
@BradOCD You constantly doubt yourself, even when evidence proves otherwise...?
- Date posted
- 3y
@7EMPES7 Yep! All the time. Even now
- Date posted
- 3y
@BradOCD I once believed, that someone I had feelings for... came to see me and I had ignored them. I kept worrying that this had happened, until I managed to contact the person and ask them if it had happened. To which they confirmed it hadn’t. I was relieved.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 15w
I’ve been struggling with HOCD for years, and it started with an intrusive thought about being gay when I was younger. It came up at age 12 and ever since, I’ve been trapped in a cycle of doubt and anxiety. I obsess over whether or not I’m secretly gay, even though I don’t feel that way at all. What makes it worse is the fear that I might have internalized homophobia, and that’s why I’m having these obsessive thoughts. I worry that my anxiety is a sign that I’m repressing something or rejecting part of myself. It feels like my mind keeps repeating the same question—am I gay?—and no matter how much reassurance I get, the fear doesn’t go away. I used to pray for my family members, fearing that if I didn’t, something bad would happen to them, and now it feels like I have to control these thoughts, or something will go wrong. For a while, it was quieter, but a week ago, the thoughts spiraled up again, and now the anxiety feels overwhelming again. It’s exhausting, and I don’t know how to break free from this constant loop of doubt. Has anyone dealt with the fear of internalized homophobia alongside HOCD? How do you manage the anxiety that comes with it?
- Date posted
- 9w
I really need help understanding what I’m going through. For a long time now, I’ve been struggling with thoughts and feelings about women that confuse and scare me. Sometimes I feel this strange emotional or mental ‘pull’ toward certain women — it’s not exactly sexual, and not clearly romantic either, but it feels like something, and it triggers deep anxiety. When I see a beautiful woman or a WLW (woman-loving-woman) couple, I feel something that I can’t explain — sometimes I think it’s just admiration or aesthetic appreciation, but OCD keeps telling me: “You felt something, so you must be gay,” or “You’re hiding something.” I get stuck in endless loops, trying to analyze these moments and label them. Even when I feel physical or emotional reactions, they don’t feel natural or aligned with who I am. They feel like a reaction to the idea of women, not real attraction. I try to be honest with myself — I even told a friend I might be bisexual at some point, just to test if that felt more comfortable. But it didn’t. It made things worse, and I felt like I lost touch with who I am. I don’t want to lie to myself or live in denial, but I’m exhausted. It feels like I’m being mentally forced to feel something that isn’t mine. I’m 14, and I understand that things might still be developing, but I can’t help feeling like I’ve always been drawn to men, and never naturally wanted women that way. Still, I keep doubting everything. Is this real attraction or OCD feeding false feelings and thoughts? Can OCD create emotional or mental sensations that feel like desire? I’m so scared that I’ll lose myself, or find out something I never wanted. I just want peace and to feel like myself again.
- Date posted
- 6w
So I’m afraid that I have HOCD, but at the same time that I might also be homosexual. Is that possible? I have all the typical compulsions… checking for attraction, analyzing thoughts, analyzing the past, analyzing emotions, searching the internet. Is it really HOCD? When I see anything related to LGBT, I get strongly triggered. Sometimes I observe how my body reacts around people, but most often I check with ChatGPT to calm myself down, although it doesn’t last long—it depends. I also compare myself to other straight women who look like lesbians, or to lesbians who look like they’re straight. I had a phase where I was analyzing my body… whether I have too much hair, whether I have an Adam’s apple, whether I act like a lesbian without realizing it. I also have the typical intrusive thoughts like “did something from the past actually mean something, or is it a sign?” “am I just lying to myself?” “what if I’m in denial?” “what if I’ve ignored signs my whole life and lied to myself?” “what if I’ll never be able to fall in love with a guy?” “what if there are too many signs and proofs and it’s true?” “what if it’s not HOCD at all?” And much more. But now I’m scared that it’s both—that I have HOCD and that I’m homosexual. I’ve cried multiple times because of this and it’s been going on for 7 months. Some days are better, some are worse. And there’s so much ‘evidence’ that I won’t even list now—over these seven months I’ve found so many things from my past and dreams that I feel like there has to be something to it. I’ve also had around four panic attacks because of this. And I truly believe I have HOCD and that I’m also homosexual, which is killing me and it feels horrible. I just want to be sure that im straight and be at peace. When im doubting and thinking that im a lesbian i feel like im not at peace and i hate it. But u feel like i just need to accept it but i don’t want to and i just want to have a boyfriend, kids but im scared that it’s not possible for me because im lesbian and i actually just think that i want a boyfriend but in reality i don’t. Ughhhh help me.
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