The thoughts feel quieter and I feel calmer but they are still there. It makes it feel so much more real. But I can also kind of tell it’s ocd. I feel normal but weird

It just keeps feeling like it’s my answer. Or intuition. I can’t argue with them anymore and it’s like I don’t bother. I don’t enjoy sex or intimacy at all with him anymore and I keep feeling like I have a crush. It feels so different and weird now compared to the beginning. I’m convinced it’s not ocd anymore and that I’ve been lying the whole time

@cozycat There’s a difference between accepting the possibility of the thought as a death sentence; and accepting it as it’s okay either way. When you accept it as it’s okay either way, you let the mind rest. But when you accept it in a way that makes you feel upset at the potential possibility, you lose your ability to stay present. The second thing I want to say is. If you’re convinced it’s not OCD, then what stops you from breaking up? Shouldn’t it be easier? If it’s The truth what keeps you with him? Another thing to mention is that When I was in a relationship, i had crushes. I wasn’t bothered about it. My gf had crushes too. It wasn’t something we worried about because it’s a natural thing to have. And we also had times when sex wasn’t working out. We were to in our head. That stuff isn’t permanent. But ultimately you have to decide now logically why you want to stick around. Not feelings based. You think people who’ve been together for forty years are thinking about their feelings? Nope. They stick around because that partner is their person. They help each other, they support each other. They are a good fit. They have similar interests and core values. They have a mission as a unit to do something together, whether it be starting a family, travel, create a stable home, etc. figure out why you are in a relationship. I know you are young. But a lot of young people fall out of relationships easily because they focus too much time on the feelings aspect . It’s okay to not feel anything. It’s about understanding why you are with the person. If you can’t answer why, or there is no why, then maybe there isn’t any future. Because regardless if you have ocd or not, feelings will never hold a relationship together for long

@Sasha Before this all I wanted was to have a healthy relationship where we supported each other through life and created a nice loving home and eventually had children. But now that feels like a lie

@cozycat And now it’s like it’s telling me I’m just too scared to leave

@cozycat Idk what to do I’m confused

@cozycat I’m sorry you’re going through so much suffering because of this. I know how it feels to be stuck and confused because of the ocd. It finds a way to trick you at every corner. But let me ask you this. Is your partner supporting a healthy relationship ? Are you guys creating a nice environment and is he someone you see being able to responsibly take care of your children with you? Is he a person that you value his opinion and respect his choices and values? Do they make you feel safe and comfortable , and they don’t put you down?

@Sasha Yes to all

@cozycat Ok so you basically checked all the boxes for a successful relationship. Meaning, all there is left is your OCD. We gotta find a way for you to reframe how you look at relationships. Your subconsciously Sabatoging this because you expect relationships to look a certain way. This is giving your OCD control over you. It can drag you around like a rag doll. We need to change this dynamic. You need to start thinking of a relationship in those logical ways. Not about feelings and not about thoughts. That part of your brain is showing that it’s not working effectively. So just like a space ship, you have to leave the rocket behind. It’s not helping you anymore. Don’t focus on it.

@Sasha How does one just shift their focus? I feel so normal now I’m so lost

@cozycat By accepting what is. How you feel. How your thoughts are happening. Stop resisting the experience. Stop also identifying with the experience. Once you can gain insight that you are not your thoughts or feelings, you can gain freedom from constantly feeling the need to control them. It’s like being in the ocean and believing you are the waves. You try to push the waves or slow them down, they will just wipe you out. But if you realize that the waves control themselves, then you just let them move you, and you will just ride the wave. So ocd is the same thing. To not focus might be the wrong word. Maybe instead of that try just observing. And when it feels “real” that’s a judgment. When you get confused it’s because you’re trying to identify. When it feels different and weird, you are judging the experience. I’m asking you to just observe. Notice the sensations. Notice the thoughts. Don’t do anything. Allow them to come and go. They might be real they might be not. It doesn’t matter. You’ve been taught since you were young, that in order to change something you have to consciously exert your force over it. This doesn’t work with the mind. The mind willl push back if we do this. We must allow the mind to work itself out, with smothering it with our desires or expectations. Once we do that, we will find peace. This is what you have to understand. Your problem is not your boyfriend. He is just a trigger. We can find you a new boyfriend, and you will experience another trigger. Thus we must focus on your mind and stop thinking about him and why you feel the way you do towards him. It’s just you and your resistance of the thoughts. Let it all happen. What’s the worst that will happen if you just let the thoughts and feelings run their course? But you have to be brave. This is scary because it’s unknown. But you have to take a leap of faith. Or… you can continue to play nine games with yourself, and start back to zero again. Questioning and judging and prodding. But nothing will really change until you gain the insight I’m speaking of. But to gain it you must take the risk.