I feel so guilty for the intrusive thoughts especially when they come up at the wrong times like I mentioned earlier about when they come up during the m word. I feel so bad. I feel likes it’s all my fault. I should of known better and knew what I was getting into. I hate myself and I feel like I don’t deserve things like food or happiness. This sucks 💔

I know I seek reassurance.But I really dont know what to do right now.I keep thinking about how I didnt help someone who was in a terrible situation a long time ago.They were a kid :( .Since then I keep thinking about what happened and how I didnt help.And I started to have intrusive thoughts ..about what happened..and other terrible themes.And I am really scared.I realised I keep thinking because I cant belive how difficult it was for them and how I could have helped and I didnt.I talked to a psychologist and they told me I didnt know how to deal with such a situation but I still blame myself.Sometimes I feel like they need help now, l but it was years ago.I stopped ruminating because it wont help anyone but I still have intrusive thoughts.I want to help now but I dont know if I can .I want to aplogise and make sure they are ok but I dont want to makw them remember.And I dont want to do that just because of guilt..I want to actually help.I feel like I did an unforgivable mistake..+ the terrible thoughts I have .Idk if I can ever share them with someone..ever..I feel like I am a dangerous person because I didnt help+ because of my intrusive thoughts.I really doubt myself..and feel like I shouldnt be trusted.Thank you if you have read all of this

Tmi warning I was being intimate with my bf and I kept getting the name of someone else pop up, but I didn’t feel anxious. Afterwards, as much as I tried to delay confessing, I couldn’t help it. I confessed. My bf was fine he said I probably didn’t feel anxious because I’ve gotten used to the anxiety and it’s okay, it doesn’t define me any more than it would if I was anxious. A few minutes later, he got upset and said that the confession kinda ruined a blissful moment. I’m so upset that my head feels so turbulent I didn’t even notice it was a blissful moment for him and could’ve been for me. I feel so awful. I haven’t slept in a day, I can’t stop crying. My bf is afraid that because this specific name keeps popping up, it might mean something and he feels less than sometimes because of it. I know I shouldn’t have confessed but I felt so safe that it was like a dam broke loose. I feel so awful. What’s worse is that I’m still scared it means something, I’m scared that my boyfriend’s fear is right. He’s very understanding of OCD and how it manifests in me and everything, I think I just kinda messed up a sacred moment and I feel so much guilt and confusion and just horrendous. I’m not even fully anxious. I don’t know what to do. I apologized a lot but I feel like I don’t deserve him and so selfish

I’ve done things in the past few years that I’m not proud of - only a couple of things I can think of and they didn’t directly hurt anyone at least with is relieving (but maybe indirectly they sort of did or could’ve which makes me hate myself because why did I do that… *how* could I do that…) If I could back and stop those things from happening, I would. I may not have thought about what I was doing at the time, so I didn’t really recognize that they weren’t okay, but that doesn’t excuse them, and I would smack some sense into my past self if I were able. I feel like if anyone knew what I‘ve done, they wouldn’t want anything to do with me. They’d write me off as worthless. And maybe they should to be honest. Now yet another thing has come up - I haven’t done anything, but I had an intrusive thought pop up that made me *think* about doing something and this would be unforgivable in my opinion. Though, to be honest, the things I’ve done before are also somewhat unforgivable in my opinion… 😞 Regardless, I don’t want to do it because I don’t think it’s okay, but I worry deep down that I do. Or that I’m looking for an excuse to make it okay to do. I don’t know, it’s complicated. And I’m upset I even thought about it. I wish I had never seen the thing that triggered that intrusive thought. Yet another thing I would stop if I could. I’ve tried to not think about it or focus on it, but it doesn’t work. Even if it goes away, it just comes back again. I just keep thinking about it and it’s overwhelming. Anyway all of the guilt of this is killing me. I feel like an irredeemably terrible person and it makes me want to give up. I can’t get on with life because it’s paralyzing. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, and at this point, it feels like I don’t deserve to just move on. I can’t live with myself and I feel like I don’t deserve anything anymore. I know a lot of this is probably OCD, but I’m not sure all of it is and I don’t know what to do… if I spoke to a therapist about it, I don’t think I could bring myself to say what I’ve done or what thoughts I’ve had. But if I was told to move on by someone who didn’t know the truth, I would worry they wouldn’t really say that if they knew. Agh, it’s all just a mess 😞