- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
So what she's trying to do is mix the definitions of neurodivergency + the social model of disability. A lot of people do this, they mean well but they have NO idea what they're talking about.
- Date posted
- 3y
Neurodivergent = My brain has changed/is different than a "normal" brain due to trauma, mental illness, damage, or disorder. Social model of disability= If we lived in a society designed for people with disabilities, those things wouldn't be disabilities any longer. And that's a good theory. If we taught ASL and braille in schools along with English, it'd be a lot easier for d/Deaf and blind people. If everything were designed for people in wheelchairs, others could still WALK, but it would be significantly easier to get around. If we accommodated epileptics, autistics, etc. in public spaces, allistics and non-epileptics would be just fine, and it would be significantly easier to go outside. Demarginalizing disabled people and building society around us instead of around ableds would enable many to be a lot happier, and would turn many physical and mental disorders and disabilities into differences only. And we should strive for that, absolutely. But NOT ALL NEURODIVERGENT PEOPLE would be fine with just accommodation. ADHD, OCD, anxiety, depression, dyslexia, dyscalculia, dyspraxia, and many others are differences that can't be "solved" by building things differently. They're just...there. Please tell your sister to do more research, as she's conflating two somewhat related but not interchangable things. And also please tell her that regardless of how much she researches, she's never going to know more about someone else's lived experience than the people who lived it.
- Date posted
- 3y
@excalibre Thank you! This was explained perfectly
- Date posted
- 3y
@excalibre She has adhd and believes that if we built a world designed for neurodivergent people she’d thrive , which I can understand it might help but she’s acting like my suffering only comes from societal opression and not the mental agony that ocd creates
- Date posted
- 3y
@excalibre I also have ADHD and I am telling you she is wrong. There is no way society, even a perfect one, could fix...all this.
- Date posted
- 3y
I would be like - so like my intrusive thoughts to harm an infant baby should be acceptable but it’s not, because of “society”? like wut
- Date posted
- 3y
Yeah it makes no sense lol
- Date posted
- 3y
I'm sorry you had to go through. She had no right to say something like that to you. People like that are tough to deal with. My mom loves me and has good intentions. But she is completely clueless about mental illness. A few weeks back I ended up telling her about my OCD. I didn't want to, but she caught me at a weak moment. She was like "I think everyone is a little OCD" It sent me into a massive spiral and I almost quit treatment because of it. I would much rather have someone day "I don't understand what you are going through. But I'm here for you and I care about you." A friend who struggles with her own mental health once told something that has stuck with me. "The first rule of mental health is learning to differentiate who deserves an explanation, who deserves one answer, and who deserves absolutely nothing"
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you! I don’t share my ocd with my family anymore for this reason. Their misunderstandings about this condition and the invalidating things they say cause me to spiral. But bc I don’t talk about it, it makes my issues more isolating. The same with my depression they understand it a little better, but still don’t fully grasp how it works or how much pain it causes me.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Isabella I have a history of major depression as well. I had one that lasted 3 years. My mom thinks grief and depression are the same thing. Not even close. She also always used to tell me "You are choosing to feel this way." Who in their right mind would choose to feel that way? I offered her a chance to attend a class to learn more about mental illness and she refused. Fortunately, I have a couple friends I can talk to instead.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Lms526 We went on a family vaction recently and I just couldn’t enjoy anything or get excited because of my depression/ocd acting up. It was so frustrating and my family couldn’t wrap their heads around why I was feeling that way, they just assumed I thought it was boring. I’m sorry your mom told you that you chose to feel this way, your right in saying that nobody would want to feel like this or have these issues and there isn’t an easy fix.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
My mom will sit and listen to me for quite a while, but she interrupts a lot and gets angry/upset. While I appreciate her passion, it's often stressful. Every time I come to her, if I even *mention* OCD, she gets frustrated and says, "Everyone deals with these issues, you know. It doesn't mean it's OCD." And I repeat, "I'm not saying my issues are unique — I'm saying the way I respond to them is a problem." But she just shakes her head and says, "Okay, I need to get back to my day." Full context, I'm an adult, and I live with my boyfriend, but I'm staying at my mom's for the next month. After living away from home for years, I went back to living with her during the pandemic, and I only recently left to live with him. Honestly, I think living with her for so long in my adulthood really messed with me and made me feel like a teenager all over again. I feel like my mental growth is stunted, and that's part of why my OCD is so bad lately. Not blaming, just noticing. She doesn't seem to understand how relieving the OCD diagnosis has been for me, because it explains so so so many things I've struggled with for years, and it's exciting to have more resources that can help me. But I think she sees it as me finding an excuse to *not* work on myself, which is just untrue. I'm not going to let OCD hold me back or use it as an excuse, but I'm also not going to pretend it's not a problem when I know it is — I was even diagnosed through NOCD. The whole point being to fix it, not use it as a crutch. When I have an issue, it's unbearable. Any issue, big or small, feels just the same. I feel a sinking feeling, my mind races, my heart beats out of my chest. I end up running to my support systems, crying, ruminating for days on end. Then, months later, the same exact issue can feel like nothing anymore, because it's no longer an obsession. I'm sure everyone deals with issues in a similar way, but I *know* there is something specific and debilitating going on with me. This is reassurance seeking, but in the face of being told I'm making a big deal out of nothing, can someone diagnosed with OCD tell me if they relate to the specific intensity of these feelings??
- Date posted
- 16w
my mom has been on this adhd kick where she thinks everyone has adhd instead of what they actually have because apparently it can present itself as anxiety. well i told her i was taking prozac because that’s something she needs to know since i still live at home. and she’s fine with it because it’s my choice. however, she comes into my room because she sent me a video about adhd. in the video, at the end, it says “girls with adhd may develop perfectionist or obsessive compulsive tendencies.” THEN, she has the audacity to tell me my compulsions didn’t start to show until after high school when that isn’t true at all. i just never talked about it, but of course she doesn’t believe me. i just feel so invalidated because after all of the hell i’ve been through, to be told i don’t have what i most certainly am positive i do have is atrocious. i would lose my mind if i was told i didn’t have ocd because of the intrusive thoughts i get that make me feel like a terrible person. i feel like being told that sets me back so far and makes me want to thought spiral a bit. i’m so upset.
- Date posted
- 15w
Today I heard a girl say ' no, I know I have OCD because I need to have a clean car'. I asked ''what are you worried about happening if you don't have a clean car' and she told me 'nothing'. And she told me she has to organize her cutlery. She continued to be...well.... oblivious and it's almost like she sees it as a trend for social media. Like what even is that??!! It was so bad for me last year and After all the debilitation I have worked through, it's kind of somehow insulting when someone thinks it's trendy to have. Like why am I still mad about it. This was 12 hours ago and I'm still urked but I know people would get it if I wrote it here! I need absolutely no reassurance, I feel how I feel I'm just mad!
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