I had a very vivid intrusive image last night about my niece (11) after reading a romance story that was pretty bad and it really freaked me out because I got an intrusive thought immediately after saying something like “that turned you on didn’t it” or “your turned on aren’t you” and I immediately started bursting into tears telling it to go away. I hope it isn’t true. I feel sick. I dont want to be a monster and I don’t like it but unfortunately when I try to tell myself that, it feels real and that I’m in denial. I feel so much shame and guilt. I’m supposed to hang out tonight with friends and family and now I don’t want to because I feel like I don’t deserve to.

POCD

liam1874

Date posted: 4y

OCD can feel as real as it gets. If it didn’t it wouldn’t be OCD. Go hang out with your family, bring the shame and guilt along for the journey, remember you never know what other people are thinking and going through, anxiety like OCD can mimic sensations and make you believe you truly desire it. Keep going be brave and better days will come.

Magzzz

Date posted: 4y

I truly hope it’s not true and not a real desire. I think it’s disgusting I would never want that but it literally at the moment felt like I did and it was so scary. Thank you for helping me I appreciate it

liam1874

Date posted: 4y

That’s why it’s OCD because it feels so real.

Anon1294

Date posted: 4y

That’s not you thinking those things. I am a mom of two little girls, and I started having terrible intrusive thoughts recently because my mom told me about how I was se%sully abused by my dad before I could remember it. I got one thought “what if I turn out like my dad” and the OCD made me spiral. I couldn’t go near my kids, I couldn’t hug them, I couldn’t do anything. Mind you, I would NEVER harm my children. They’re my whole world. But ocd started telling me I need to be careful of everything. I couldn’t even go to their dance classes without fear. I have never ever had a thought like that before either, I used to be a daycare teacher, I have younger cousins, a niece ect. And all the sudden OCD told me something and I believed it. Now this was actually about a month ago, and I decided I wasn’t going to let ocd take over my life and take me away from my kids. I started pushing myself to do everything I’ve always done. I cuddled my kids, gave them hugs and kisses, I clothed them and bathed them, and I ignored those thoughts because they’re simply NOT ME. And the more I lived in the moment the more I realized I had no urge or anything to harm my kids. You have to push yourself to spend more time with your niece and it’ll help you realize there’s nothing to fear. You can get through this, trust me.

Magzzz

Date posted: 4y

I’m so sorry you are going through this too. It sounds like you are an amazing mother. My dad did something similar to me too but I’m not sure if it was considered SA anyways but I would never ever harm anyone especially children. I would never harm my niece. I feel awful that I had such a vivid horrible intrusive images and it literally felt like for a split second that my mind twisted it enough to make me think it turned me and it didn’t. I immediately started crying I was so scared what if it was true. So today I feel really down and I feel like I don’t deserve to be here. Again I’m so sorry you are going through this theme. It’s horrible and my heart goes out to everyone dealing with this theme and ocd In general

Anon1294

Date posted: 4y

@Just Breathe ❤️ I know the feeling, you are not a bad person either. I know you would never harm anyone either. You are going to feel better trust me❤️ Those thoughts feel real but the fact that they scare and disgust you means they are not truly you.

Magzzz

Date posted: 4y

@Anon1294 Thank you I appreciate it so much. I’m hoping that this will just pass. I’m supposed to go out tonight with my friends and family and I feel like I don’t even deserve to

Magzzz

Date posted: 4y

@Anon1294 I was reading a romance story when I got the intrusive images. Do you think it’s possible that I got turned on by what was going on in the story and when the intrusive image came up that it twisted it then and made it about the intrusive image instead? Like an intrusive feeling I guess? I don’t know. It feels so real like that’s what it actually was and not the story. I’m so worried

Anon1294

Date posted: 4y

@Just Breathe ❤️ Yes that’s what OCD does, it plays mind games with you. Intrusive thoughts are like sneaky ninjas and they’re very convincing. Go out with your friends do not let OCD stop you from living life because that’s exactly what makes ocd worse. Go out and have fun and distract yourself. The more you ground yourself the more ridiculous the thoughts are

Magzzz

Date posted: 4y

@Anon1294 Ok thank you I will try

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond