Hey guys, I’ve been going through a really bad bout of Real Event, surrounding porn I used to watch as a kid and other gross stuff I’ve done, worst of which was when I was 12-14, I’m 19 now, and I’ve confessed everything to my family and best friend, they’ve all told me to let it go and to forgive myself. I was really anxious, but I’m happy they know it all now. I was talking to my mom more of my anxieties when all of a sudden, nothing felt real, I just talked to my mom and told her that I don’t feel real, and that it’s like I have amnesia, I don’t remember much of my past now, I’m also have false memory of watching things like cp, when I absolutely know I haven’t, my past feels so blurred. Even everything I did earlier today, I can’t remember to much, I feel really, really odd. It’s like I went blank. Has this happened to anyone? My life doesn’t feel real. I feel calm but on the edge at the same time, I felt like I wanted to pass out, but not anymore, I’m still just really confused. Please help.

How do I do it though, I was actually able to piece together when I did the most gross stuff, I was 13. But still, is there like a mantra or saying that you say while doing ERP?

@IHateMyself An awesome mantra is "live in uncertainty."

I agree! Starting therapy with a NOCD therapist REALLY helped me out of my rabbit holes. Also, medication helps me so much! Starting medication is what got me well enough to start therapy.

@GeckoGirl3 Please talk to someone who can help you, like a therapist and doctor. You're not alone! You deserve the help you need to get well from the ocd!

Yeah, I’m in that hole, I’m happy to see I’m not the only one, it just haunts me. I’ve stopped watching porn all together and I’m never looking back, I watched just vanilla for a couple of years, but the intrusive thoughts really kicked in, thank you for responding, I hope I’ll be able to start exposure therapy and possible medication

@GeckoGirl3 Thank you, it’s just so frightening, I can’t believe some of the things I’ve done as a kid, everyone has seemed to tell me to move on and that I’m not that person anymore, but I panic a lot. Thank you for responding, I’ll definitely try the mantra you recommended!

I’ll try it, it’s just scary you know, thanks for responding