All OCD themes are, at the end of the day, just OCD. And no theme is worse or easier than the other, as themes are related to our values, so whatever theme we have is going to feel excruciating.
I want to vent a little about ROCD, though. I think I just need to let this out. It's so heartbreaking to have OCD attack your relationships. I believe that relationships of all forms are the most important thing in the world & are what make life meaningful. So to have OCD attack my experience with romantic relationships & connections is just so fucking painful.
Do you know how much I wish I could just be like my friends or other people without OCD?? They don't get major anxiety about dating or liking someone or being in a relationship. They don't have intrusive thoughts about whether they find the person they're dating attractive or not. They don't question and question and question every little thought and feeling. They probably don't have low libidos. Sometimes I feel like I'm suffering. I start to think that it shouldn't be this hard. Dating & starting a potential relationship with someone shouldn't be so hard, but it is for me because of ROCD. And I can't talk to any of my friends about this because they don't understand OCD. If I tell my friends that I'm worried about whether I truly find the guy I'm dating attractive, they'd probably say that if I have to question it so much, then I'm probably not attracted to him. This is also another reason it's so difficult having ROCD. You just can't go to other sources who don't understand OCD & intrusive thoughts. Because going to them for answers or certainty or reassurance or to help you figure things out is a compulsion! But instead of telling you that there is no answer, they might say some triggering shit like trust your intuition or if you know, you know.
And another thing that makes ROCD heartbreaking is that another person is involved. I feel like it's so common for us with ROCD to constantly feel like we're hurting our partners. I feel like I'm so hot & cold. I'm probably sending mixed signals to the guy I'm dating right now because sometimes I feel sure that I like him & other times I'm questioning it. It's the insidious nature of OCD. When we get those moments where there's little to no doubt, things are amazing. We feel great & start to think, wow I finally have certainty that I like/love this person. And that's such a trap because if we treat those moments as evidence against OCD, then we're still trapped in the obsessive-compulsive cycle. We have to accept uncertainty, which is so hard. We can enjoy those moments when there is little to no doubt, intrusive thoughts, or anxiety, but we can't use those moments as proof that our OCD is wrong.
ROCD is just so complicated.