this is a really tricky topic to navigate, and i struggle with the same thing. i have the intrusive thought that i’m actually an evil person who is so deranged that i have tricked everyone around me into thinking i’m nice. i try my best not to engage with compulsions like rationalizing, ruminating, undoing, etc. my therapist encouraged me to take an approach where when i have those thoughts i respond in my head with “what if i am a bad person? what if i’m the worst person that’s ever walked this earth?” the more i sit with that uncertainty, the easier it becomes. i wish you luck and healing!