I need to vent. Or just write this all out somewhere to people who are compassionate and non-judgemental. One of my biggest triggers is being lied to, being deceived, or being naive with my trust. The most important person in my life lied to me today. I just found out. He lies about little things when he’s scared of getting in trouble but I thought we had finally established trust and put that in the past. But I messed up too. I asked for reassurance to soothe my anxiety this morning. He reassured me but still, I was so anxious. I felt like he was lying but thought maybe my anxiety was just going nuts. I ruminated and obsessed all day. I finally felt better….but then anxiety took over again. I snooped something I wasn’t supposed to. And I found out that he lied. Of course, when I confronted him, I had to admit I had snooped. We both got angry. We both messed up. I know all of this sounds bad because I’m being vague. The thing he lied about wasn’t anything he wasn’t supposed to do. He said he lied because he didn’t want to hurt me by telling the truth. There’s nothing wrong with the truth, and what he did didn’t cross any boundaries in any way. But he lied. And I let my anxiety start a fight. I’m not saying it’s my fault he lied. But I messed up too. He doesn’t understand why I can’t just let these things go. Why I always need to dig and dig and dig. I can’t explain it in ways that make sense to a rational mind. No one gets it. Now to move forward again, I know I have to give up one of my biggest compulsions. The snooping. It’s only hurting me so much and hurting the friendship I value most. I’ve taken a small step but I can’t fully commit. I don’t know what to do. I’m still so triggered and anxious by his lie. I’m spiralling so much about it and at the same time, trying to take responsibility. I can’t figure out who is right and wrong here. I’m tired. And I’m thankful to anyone who read this.

My husband told me recently he was going to hang out with a local friend he often goes to see. It got very late and I heard nothing from him. Tried calling and texting. Stayed up all night thinking maybe he was dead or injured. Logged into our cell phone account to see if I could find any recent location and discovered he had talked to someone on the phone that night but he was like 2 hours away from home at that time. And also saw a phone number he was spending hours on the phone with every day. I had been confronting him about his secrecy prior to that and he kept telling me it was this friend or that friend, or he was just taking the dog on a long walk or having a fire out back. He finally called me back in the morning and I yelled at him. He told me he was randomly with two friends from longer ago and had gotten drunk and passed out, and hadn't told me about these plans because I had a heart surgery a few weeks prior and health concerns and he didn't want to stress me out. He told me the phone number was a girl that he related to on trauma factors and that he views like a little sister. He said he didn't tell me because he was caught up in his trauma spilling of events he didn't share with a single person since they occurred to him 35 years ago, due to feelings of shame and anger, and that he thought I would view it as emotional cheating. I told him it really could be viewed as emotional cheating and in principle, honesty shouldn't be dependent upon the outcome... lying isn't justified because I would be upset by the truth. Since then, he's been more open with me and tells me when that girl is calling, talks to me about their conversations, answers her calls when I'm present. I talked to him about boundaries and things I'm uncomfortable with or bothered by and he changes those things. Especially because I have trauma from an emotionally abusive ex, having him lie to me when I directly questioned him about what I was perceiving or experiencing and telling me those experiences weren't real, when they actually WERE real, has really messed me up. Now when he wants to hang out with a friend, I don't trust it. But I'm handling these feelings in destructive OCD ways. I spend literally the entire time he's gone thinking and thinking and thinking about what if he's lying or what he might be doing instead of what he said. I call and text him intermittently and feel like all of my obsessive thoughts are confirmed if he doesn't answer right away. I'm always checking the phone history. The driving toll history. Scrutinizing everything. I cannot get out of this mindset. It's like this horrible mixture of emotional flashbacks and OCD. I don't want to live like this. I want to work on my relationship in productive ways. I want to be able to use my own time while my husband is gone. Even if he lied to me and is somewhere other than he said, I don't want to lie in bed just thinking and thinking and thinking for entire days and nights. I'm not sure what I'm really asking here. This is just the only place where I feel like I can share this without people thinking "wow she's crazy".

Hi all. I’m writing this because I can’t stop spiraling and I don’t know who to talk to without feeling judged. I (27F) have OCD, so emotional safety and perceived red flags are something I hyper-analyze. My boyfriend (24M) and I are in a long-distance relationship, Im just on vacation right now . We’ve had our ups and downs, but overall, it’s a loving connection. That’s why this particular moment is bothering me so much. Last night, we were on a video call, flirting. At one point I said, “Go to the bathroom first,” before things got more intimate (he has a roommate and wanted privacy). After a few minutes, he came back and said, “Okay I’m alone.” But I hesitated. I was acting playfully shy and holding back. That’s when he said something like, “You said if I went to the bathroom, you’d show me something. This isn’t my (my name)—she’s not shy with me.” He said it smiling, and I was smiling too, but later it started to gnaw at me. My OCD kicked in. I started spiraling: Did that cross a line? Was that pressuring? I brought it up to him, and while he tried to be supportive, I could tell he was caught off guard. He said something like, “I’m trying my best to support you, but I feel sad that you would think I’d ever pressure you like that.” And then, in what he admitted later was a “dumb joke,” he said: “I’m not like your dad—I won’t get mad if you say no or disagree with something.” (For context: I’ve told him before about my father’s anger issues from my childhood. It’s a very sensitive topic.) I got upset and told him never to bring my father into things like that. He immediately apologized and said, “I realized it right after—that the thing I said as a joke to get you out of overthinking was serious. I’m so sorry again, and I feel really bad right now. I respect you and I respect everyone in your family.” After that, he was very gentle. We stayed on the call for a while longer, I felt heard, and we ended things with “I love you.” But today I still feel emotionally sore. Not because I think he’s abusive or manipulative—he isn’t—but because I felt something shift. He saw me cry like that for the first time, and now I feel exposed and over-analytical. My OCD brain is stuck on what if this was a red flag? Even though he apologized and explained himself, I still feel unsettled. What’s making it harder is that I haven’t even told my best friend. I usually tell her everything, but I’m scared to bring this up. I know she already has reservations about him (she’s very protective of me), and I feel like if I share this, she’ll just add it to the “reasons he’s not right for you” list. But I don’t want her judgment—I want clarity. I’m scared that sharing it will make things worse instead of better, and that’s an isolating feeling. I want this relationship to work. I don’t usually cry like that in front of people. I don’t usually feel safe enough to. And he did show up in the end. But now I don’t know how to trust myself—is this a moment to work through together, or am I ignoring something important? Would love some kind, grounded perspective. Thanks for reading.

I’ve felt more alone than ever lately dealing with this. I tried a little to talk to my boyfriend about it but it’s so hard to explain it to someone who doesn’t have it. And whe at the same time my brain is trying to convince me I don’t really have it and I’m lying to myself and I don’t really need help. Like I genuinely don’t know how to look him in the eyes and say I can’t stop thinking that he’s not over his ex or he wants and other girl and my brain pulls things out of thin air to back me up he doesn’t get that it feels so real for me and when I tried to talk about really extra over thinking and like I said making stuff up he was like “well I think it’s just a girl thing” and that hurt cause I like i just don’t know how to express how I’m feeling in a way that makes people understand and it hurts that I can’t do that and it also doesn’t help that I did try therapy and she completely made me feel crazy I feel like within the first 10 minutes she made up her mind - that it’s mostly anxiety she picked one thing I said and that was the only thing that sounded like it to her a pattern thing I just feel like she wasn’t listening to me about my thoughts and I told her I started realizing around 2020 and she brought up Covid I said I wasn’t scared and I genuinely Meant that I was really only scared for my grandma and my mom since it affected older people I was never scared of it like that and she only looked at physical stuff I feel like I told her I have to count them I pass a biker and look and keep making sure and she was like you just want to be safe and then she went on to tell me that “not everything I do is abnormal other people just don’t do it” that really hurt and now I feel so self conscious talking about it because I feel insane I know what I’m going through but everyone either doesn’t get it or thinks they do too much and that’s just as worse. People think ocd is just being organized and we all know it’s not. I’m not mad at him for not understanding I don’t want him to get it in the way that I do no one should have to deal with this but I want him to know enough. we “broke up” a few times just couldn’t get it right now we both agree we weren’t ready and it wasn’t in Gods plan yet and things are genuinely different I see it it’s crazy but my mind still try’s to tell me I’m not good enough for God for him to give me a relationship yet I just don’t know how to sit there and tell him my mind keeps replaying the past over and over again and convincing me I need to leave so he’ll come back “my way” or how I think we should’ve happened which I know is me trying to play God it just feels too good to be real some people spend a lifetime searching for love and I don’t understand why I get it now we’re still teenagers and then I think like maybe I get it now cause I won’t be around for long or he won’t and I just sit there and scare myself and I don’t know how to explain that to him and honestly I don’t even know how I want him to react I just want to feel seen whatever that means. I have this other friend I talk to about it she used to have really bad anxiety she started taking medicine for it and she thinks she understands ocd cause her mom has it but it’s not as bad or the same kinds as me and she try’s to help I know she does but at the end of the day it’s really just her telling me my thoughts are crazy which I understand that I know they are and her telling me I’m not gonna enjoy life or my relationship if I keep thinking like this and yes obviously but I physically can’t it’s not a switch I can just turn off I try so hard to ignore it but I can’t it’s just gotten so bad recently and I don’t feel like I deserve my bf right now cause of it especially if I can’t open up about it or find a way to make him understand what I’m going through and I just feel crazy and alone and if you read all of this thank you so much I really do appreciate it.