I need to vent. Or just write this all out somewhere to people who are compassionate and non-judgemental. One of my biggest triggers is being lied to, being deceived, or being naive with my trust. The most important person in my life lied to me today. I just found out. He lies about little things when he’s scared of getting in trouble but I thought we had finally established trust and put that in the past. But I messed up too. I asked for reassurance to soothe my anxiety this morning. He reassured me but still, I was so anxious. I felt like he was lying but thought maybe my anxiety was just going nuts. I ruminated and obsessed all day. I finally felt better….but then anxiety took over again. I snooped something I wasn’t supposed to. And I found out that he lied. Of course, when I confronted him, I had to admit I had snooped. We both got angry. We both messed up. I know all of this sounds bad because I’m being vague. The thing he lied about wasn’t anything he wasn’t supposed to do. He said he lied because he didn’t want to hurt me by telling the truth. There’s nothing wrong with the truth, and what he did didn’t cross any boundaries in any way. But he lied. And I let my anxiety start a fight. I’m not saying it’s my fault he lied. But I messed up too. He doesn’t understand why I can’t just let these things go. Why I always need to dig and dig and dig. I can’t explain it in ways that make sense to a rational mind. No one gets it. Now to move forward again, I know I have to give up one of my biggest compulsions. The snooping. It’s only hurting me so much and hurting the friendship I value most. I’ve taken a small step but I can’t fully commit. I don’t know what to do. I’m still so triggered and anxious by his lie. I’m spiralling so much about it and at the same time, trying to take responsibility. I can’t figure out who is right and wrong here. I’m tired. And I’m thankful to anyone who read this.

Relationship OCD

[Deleted]

Date posted: 4y

Comment deleted by user

Stuckinmyhead

Date posted: 4y

I appreciate your reply more than you know. Thank you so much. It gives me hope. The person I’m talking about is my ex. We broke up in June because we were in such a sick cycle of anxiety and him pushing me away. Our relationship had gotten so complicated and we were tired of always trying to fix it. We are still each other’s best friends and are in the process of maintaining a friendship. It’s honestly been getting much better until these things come up again (old habits die hard). He started seeing someone new a couple months ago and it has been the worst pain. My OCD and anxiety feels out of control when I think about them together. The snooping I was talking about was….(this is embarrasing for an adult to admit), but I made a fake Instagram account and started following her on it. She obviously doesn’t know it’s me. I got anxious last night that they were hanging out, and so I asked him this morning if she had been over there. He said no. That was the lie. Many hours later, she posted pictures to her story of them carving pumpkins. I freaked out and called him and reamed him out for lying. He obviously got upset at me for snooping and told me to stay out of it. We both messed up. I’m just so angry and hurt because it feels like I’m always the one who needs to change and do the hard work. It’s just so unfair that I’m the one who has to do all this work to get better AND accept the heartbreak and he just gets to be happy and healthy and doesn’t have to do a damn thing. I didn’t mean to air all my dirty laundry but again, I thank you for relating to me in some way. I really do need help. Thanks again for listening

Stuckinmyhead

Date posted: 4y

@rewilding I just reread that and want to clarify that there was a lot of love underneath the struggle. It wasn’t all bad- if it had been it would be easy to let go of. We’re just tired of fighting

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