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What are your obsession?
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I have a lot. That God is angry and disappointed with me. That I'm going to lose my salvation and end up in hell. That I have to keep certain rules like no drinking alcohol by myself (I am 45) No R rated movies, constantly feeling like I offend and hurt people's feelings. Even around people I can say pretty much anything I want to. I also worry constantly about committing the unforgivable sin and doubts about my salvation. I also feel a need to apologize. I also feel like I have to quote a particular verse several times and also praying in a repetitive, ritualistic manner or something bad will happen. I have also have had an image of God looking at me with a disapproving look on His face and arms crossed over His chest. I have dealt with this for many years.
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@Lms526 I'm sorry for the pain ocd causes you, scrupulosity is a terrible illness that we certainly didn't ask for, it's not a punishment from God, He doesn't punish us He loves us and cares for us, He may discipline us but never hurt us. How can you lose your salvation? Jesus died for us He already saved us, we cannot save ourselves. It's not a sin to drink alcohol, Jesus drank wine, everything in creation can be enjoyed with moderation, the unforgivable sin is to deny yourself God's mercy and forgiveness, trust in His mercy He knows about your ocd and He loves you, have you gone to confession recently or spoken to a spiritual director? Have you tried therapy? Prayer doesn't have to be painful nor exact, God hears your prayers and your heart, don't punishment yourself by making up rules for prayer, try short prayers, our imagination can create so many images and thoughts and catastrophic lies that may feel real but aren't, God most certainly isn't looking at you like that, He's looking at you with love and tenderness perhaps with his arms stretched towards you waiting for you to throw yourself in His arms for comfort, your image of God is distorted by ocd, it takes time of treatment to feel better and to recover the true image of God given to us by Jesus. The loving Father that He is. God cares for you, you are precious in His eye. Visit ScrupulousAnonymous.com God loves you
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Thank you! I already knew a lot of this...but definitely needed the reminder. Yes, I am in therapy. But the last few times I've tried doing an exposure, I don't get any anxiety. I have a session with my therapist on Thursday to discuss it.
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Have you been able to change any of those obsessions?
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No. I was focusing on Harm and Suicide OCD. But now, I want to start focusing on that.
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All ocd themes feel the same and are treated the same, once you learn how to manage it you can apply it to all your obsessions, seek spiritual direction too. Don't despair, give thanks to God for everything and offer Him your suffering for others who also suffer so that they don't or for any intention you want, or for His will. God bless
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Hey Lms526, I just wanted to say that I can relate to a lot of what you're going through, aside from the part about drinking alcohol (I don't drink alcohol). But I worry too about R rated movies or anything that has R rated themes. I also worry about committing sins or committing the unforgivable sin and losing my salvation, and my prayers feel very repetitive too, I don't feel like anything bad will happen if I don't pray for someone specifically, I just feel like I have to otherwise I don't care about someone enough by not taking the time to pray for them. I'm afraid a lot that God is disappointed in me too because of things I do or sins I commit, some things I'm not even sure or not if they are sins, my OCD just makes me question and obsess about if they're sins. I just wanted you to know you're not alone friend. I just started therapy with an NOCD therapist recently and I'm about to start ERP soon too. :) I pray that God will continue to help us both in our journey's as we continue to fight back against OCD. God bless Lms526. :)
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@Drew777 Thank you. I appreciate that.
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- 23w
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