TW POCD I’m praying to God for help. I’m so sorry if I’ve done anything wrong it feels like I have and I’m so terrified I’ve turned into what I fear. I don’t want to be a monster. I don’t want these thoughts or weird feelings. I never have and never will. Most of my intrusive thoughts are about my niece or my family and I would never harm anyone. I would do anything to make sure they are safe. I feel like I don’t even deserve family, love, happiness, food, care, friends. I feel so disgusted. I feel distant from God now. I’m so angry and I keep asking God why me? What did I ever do to deserve this? I need help. I’m crying out for help. I don’t know if I can handle it. I got a horrible intrusive thought the other day and I felt so weird because of it. It was strange and scary. My mind keeps telling me I was aroused by it and I don’t want to be. It can’t be true. I’m crying as I’m typing this. I need a miracle. I would do anything to make this all go away. I feel shattered. I’m so sorry 💔

I had no control over what happened yes but it literally felt like just for a second when I had the intrusive image about my little niece just all of a sudden out of no where triggered by me reading a romance story that was bad, that it felt so real as if I liked it or was aroused by it I don’t even know how to explain it. I already felt weird because of the groinal response from the story but it’s like my body lit up or my heart rate went up or something and it felt like I liked it but I know deep down I don’t. I know I don’t like it I immediately burst into tears after it happened from being so afraid of it. I’m so scared what if I’m a monster. It happened 3 days ago I think and I’m still worried about it

@Just Breathe ❤️ i relate to you. i was stuck on a situation with my little cousin for months. turning the event around in my head so much it wasn’t even clear anymore. trying to explain things that your brain does will not help you. it’s compulsive. you don’t have to explain, you don’t need to answer. the reason you’re stuck is because you can’t handle the uncertainty of the situation & the OCD brain LOVES that! i know it seems impossible, but you do not have to know what this situation means about you. there is no answer, it has no greater meaning. that what if question of, “what if i’m a monster” is what i asked myself for months. there is NO answer. i know practicing uncertainty is difficult, but accepting that you may be this “monster” you fear will teach your brain to be less scared over time. the distress will subside. i know the saying, “maybe, maybe not” seems cliche, but it does work! i think of OCD thoughts as a phone call i refuse to answer. the phone rings & rings, but i don’t have to pick up. i know i’ll NEVER be satisfied. it’s okay to not have all the answers.

@Anna I’m sorry I appreciate your help but I can’t go along in life with no answer to if I’m a monster or not. Because if I am I have to go. I have to leave. I can’t handle it

@Just Breathe ❤️ i truly thought that too. so many people with OCD do. i thought that i should die because of thoughts i had years ago. things i looked up online. things i watched when i was younger. it was all OCD distorting my thinking. you DESERVE to be here. things get better, you just can’t see it now. god knows i couldn’t either! i understand you feel defeated & that’s okay. you’re allowed to feel that way. but you have to understand it will pass with time. these terrible, distressing moments do not last forever. i promise.

@Anna I don’t want it to be true. I don’t want to be a monster. EVER. I’m really triggered now