My friends often call me an alcoholic. I’m one of the only people in my friend group that actually drink, (the rest of them smoke) but i often get mad and stressed when they tell me that. One of my biggest fears is being an alcoholic. My father abused alcohol and is why I don’t drink often, only with friends. Though they often joke around and call me an alcoholic which makes me feel so stressed. It is one of my biggest fears to be an alcoholic, and to hurt those around me because of it. My father isn’t a bad person, but I’d never want to repeat his mistakes and it terrifies me to think about doing so. I’ve told them I don’t like to be called that but they continue to do so. It hurts.

I know this is probably just my ocd but i always worry that because I like drinking I am or will turn into an alcoholic. Another thing is I prefer drinking at home because I don't want to worry about finding a way home when drunk, and I don't mind drinking alone either. I literally always worry about this and now I feel guilty when I drink at all

Sooo, finally legal in my country and decided to experiment with alcohol. After a while I realised I liked the tastes of certain ones and also realised it was expensive and it takes me a while to even get remotely tipsy. Also. I do follow a religion that prohibits alcohol. So I made the decision to stop. But I keep having a slight itch to drink. It’s not even for the alcohol part, because as we’ve established i don’t get drunk easily. I just like the taste of wine. So today I went to the store and brought a sparkling fruit juice. Thinking it’d taste similar . And it has no alcohol in it. I even checked the label and even googled it several times . My younger brother asked for a a bit and I said sure. Now I’m spiralling, because the taste is so similar to wine. And I realised the sparkling drink was made specifically to be an alcohol alternative. what if the company gets exposed for actually being alcoholic. What if I introduced my brother to a life style of alcoholism. What if me buying this is a sign I’ll try alcohol again. What if I become addicted to escape low moments. What if I can’t stop. I even follow accounts now about recovering from alcohol to put me off ever trying it again.

I often want to be able to drink alcohol like a normal 21 year old with friends, but then I notice I question if I handled my intrusive thoughts normally while under the influence. I then convince myself that the alcohol made me less aware and more likely to engage with the thought. Even though I think I’m fighting against the thought even more than if i was sober. It’s annoying because I want to be able to relax when buzzed but when the ocd thoughts start, then it’s harder to ignore them than when sober. I wish I could just trust in myself and know that even if i am tipsy, that i am stronger than intrusive thoughts and can handle them as I usually do.