- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Hey! I used to do the same with my girlfriend, always wanting to explain myself and make sure that she felt okay about it, but unfortunately I'd end up in a similar position where my mind would tell me that they must have only forgiven me or not cared because they'd misunderstood something or I'd missed something out. What did I learn from this? Well, basically, speaking to our partners about relationship OCD is often not very helpful, because it just provides us with temporary reassurance that our mind will inevitably find a way to undermine. Instead, now, when I get the urge to seek reassurance from my girlfriend, I try my very best to resist doing that and instead sitting with the fear that I'm trying to escape from with reassurance. At first, it can be super scary! Reassurance, after all, can feel really great, temporarily, and so when we're feeling extra terrible, it seems like the perfect solution - unfortunately, it reinforces the idea in our mind that the thoughts are significant and worthy of our attention and energy, which is the opposite of what we want the mind to think! It's also important to be kind to yourself! You are struggling, and seeking reassurance isn't 'wrong' as much as not helpful, but when you're suffering it's also COMPLETELY UNDERSTANDABLE! When the worries come, try to sit with them, rather than talking to your boyfriend about it again. That's not to say you can never talk about these things, but if we can seek reassurance less and less, the mind learns that these thoughts aren't worthy of our attention, energy or time, and so they will reduce or go away completely! I like to see every "remember when you did that?" as an opportunity to practice dealing with the fear as it comes! There is nothing to fear, rather this is a chance for you to teach your mind that everything is okay!
- Date posted
- 3y
I was having this problem a few months ago. It got so bad that I started to feel like a lier to my boyfriend. I started to tell him all the time or mention that I found this one guy attractive. One day I ended up telling him and he legit didn’t even really care. He told me it was normal to find other people attractive even in a happy healthy relationship. But even after he told me that multiple times I couldn’t not feel calm. I would see the boy and think “omg your looking at him on purpose” etc etc. i had to learn to sit with the idea that 1. I do find him attractive and I kind of had to sit with all the the other negative things too. Are the thoughts gone…no but they are WAY BETTER and they can dk the same with u.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 18w
I have this deep fear I’ll accidentally cheat on my long term partner. This fear was initially triggered a couple years ago after being at a bar with my friends where I enjoyed the attention of being flirted with by a stranger. Because of my enjoyment of receiving verbal attention, I began spiraling about what if I accidentally cheat. Since then I have made multiple confessions to my partner to seek reassurance, replayed events over and over in my head, spent hours googling/looking at reddit threads, and now I dread “bar like” situations where I know my partner won’t be around. Today I was triggered and have wasted about 4-5 hours of my day ruminating. Does anyone else with relationship ocd struggle with this fear and have any tips?
- Date posted
- 16w
I am at a very difficult spot in my relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years, and I have a history of cheating that for years we’ve been trying to work through. To me, it makes a lot of sense that my OCD has attached itself to this and for the last few years I’ve experienced intrusive sexual thoughts of others and relationship ocd. I have been open to him about the content of my thoughts and now, with a proper diagnosis of an anxiety disorder, I am able to reframe them and work through them with ERP so that my brain will *hopefully* get bored and stop sending them. But, things have not been easy. As a result of this and everything in our past, he has become anxious about all the scenarios where I could be having sexualized thoughts about other people. To him, if I am thinking something utterly different than what I am telling him or acting like to him, he can’t fully trust it. And of course, I can imagine how difficult it is to know your life partner is sexualizing others in her brain and to be able find a way to dismiss them as unthreatening, especially when past mistakes say otherwise. Is there anyone that has gone through this with a partner? And other than repeatedly explaining the egodystonic nature of my thoughts and providing reassurance, what are some things you did that helped them? Any advice helps! Thank you
- Date posted
- 16w
So I have been struggling with the same theme of ocd for 4 months now. My ocd centers around past events/false memories that ocd skews to make seem bad or it twists my thoughts on what my intentions were. this is related to cheating or being weird while I have been in my amazing relationship. I have never cheated on my partner and never will and I believe it is wrong. But my ocd is telling me other wise. I love my partner so very much and I would never want to hurt him but my brain is getting to me. I was getting better. I was trying “maybe I did, maybe I didn’t”, I have been back on meds and in therapy and I stopped confessing random interactions from years/months ago about 1.5 weeks ago and it really helped. But now I woke up this morning and feel the pit in my stomach again. I feel extra critical and like why would you do this? What does this say about you? What was your intention with this? And I’m just stuck mentally reviewing and ruminating on everything you could imagine. I know my personality and I know in the moment maybe I did find them attractive but mainly I was just being nice or funny or even just a good friend, but looking back now I’m like “was it flirting?” “Why did I still snap this person” “why would I even talk to them” and stuff like that. I feel this intense sense of guilt. I have told my partner everything that I keep getting stuck on and he didn’t care, he said he understands or “that’s a little weird but it’s okay” and hasn’t missed a beat. He said eveything I’ve told him is normal and I’ve heard that from my friends too. I just really need help. I don’t know what to do anymore. I am so disappointed because I thought I was gonna be done with this, so why am I still so worried and caught up in this.
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