Hi guys, I just had an extremely long discussion with my boyfriend about my cheating ocd, what I believe I've done that constitutes cheating on him, and he told me everything is okay and that I'm focusing too much on small things (I'll think brushing past someone attrattive in the shop is cheating: "you did that on purpose" - and my bf said, even if you did, it's so small etc). However even though I am somehwat feeling better, that was obviously just a whole load of reassurance, so doubts are obviously going to follow, and I'll be up all night thinking "but I left this thing out!" "but he meant it that way, ok I have cheated then, I need to go back". I KNOW that this is OCD but it feels extremely real and it's very distressing. Does anyone have any tips on getting through this time period when it inevitably comes? I do my best to distract myself, but I know I'll end up going over things eventually, and I'll find something to question. Even if I don't think of these things, they -literally- pop into my head when I'm trying to distract myself. I will be playing a game and suddenly: "remember when you did that?" out of the blue. I'm just scared bc I know soon I'll have a new thing to worry about. I guess the question isn't how do I avoid this, because avoidance makes OCD worse (like reassurance, so I've kind of put myslef in this situation), so more, how should I manage through this?

Hey! I used to do the same with my girlfriend, always wanting to explain myself and make sure that she felt okay about it, but unfortunately I'd end up in a similar position where my mind would tell me that they must have only forgiven me or not cared because they'd misunderstood something or I'd missed something out. What did I learn from this? Well, basically, speaking to our partners about relationship OCD is often not very helpful, because it just provides us with temporary reassurance that our mind will inevitably find a way to undermine. Instead, now, when I get the urge to seek reassurance from my girlfriend, I try my very best to resist doing that and instead sitting with the fear that I'm trying to escape from with reassurance. At first, it can be super scary! Reassurance, after all, can feel really great, temporarily, and so when we're feeling extra terrible, it seems like the perfect solution - unfortunately, it reinforces the idea in our mind that the thoughts are significant and worthy of our attention and energy, which is the opposite of what we want the mind to think! It's also important to be kind to yourself! You are struggling, and seeking reassurance isn't 'wrong' as much as not helpful, but when you're suffering it's also COMPLETELY UNDERSTANDABLE! When the worries come, try to sit with them, rather than talking to your boyfriend about it again. That's not to say you can never talk about these things, but if we can seek reassurance less and less, the mind learns that these thoughts aren't worthy of our attention, energy or time, and so they will reduce or go away completely! I like to see every "remember when you did that?" as an opportunity to practice dealing with the fear as it comes! There is nothing to fear, rather this is a chance for you to teach your mind that everything is okay!

I was having this problem a few months ago. It got so bad that I started to feel like a lier to my boyfriend. I started to tell him all the time or mention that I found this one guy attractive. One day I ended up telling him and he legit didn’t even really care. He told me it was normal to find other people attractive even in a happy healthy relationship. But even after he told me that multiple times I couldn’t not feel calm. I would see the boy and think “omg your looking at him on purpose” etc etc. i had to learn to sit with the idea that 1. I do find him attractive and I kind of had to sit with all the the other negative things too. Are the thoughts gone…no but they are WAY BETTER and they can dk the same with u.