- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Hey! I used to do the same with my girlfriend, always wanting to explain myself and make sure that she felt okay about it, but unfortunately I'd end up in a similar position where my mind would tell me that they must have only forgiven me or not cared because they'd misunderstood something or I'd missed something out. What did I learn from this? Well, basically, speaking to our partners about relationship OCD is often not very helpful, because it just provides us with temporary reassurance that our mind will inevitably find a way to undermine. Instead, now, when I get the urge to seek reassurance from my girlfriend, I try my very best to resist doing that and instead sitting with the fear that I'm trying to escape from with reassurance. At first, it can be super scary! Reassurance, after all, can feel really great, temporarily, and so when we're feeling extra terrible, it seems like the perfect solution - unfortunately, it reinforces the idea in our mind that the thoughts are significant and worthy of our attention and energy, which is the opposite of what we want the mind to think! It's also important to be kind to yourself! You are struggling, and seeking reassurance isn't 'wrong' as much as not helpful, but when you're suffering it's also COMPLETELY UNDERSTANDABLE! When the worries come, try to sit with them, rather than talking to your boyfriend about it again. That's not to say you can never talk about these things, but if we can seek reassurance less and less, the mind learns that these thoughts aren't worthy of our attention, energy or time, and so they will reduce or go away completely! I like to see every "remember when you did that?" as an opportunity to practice dealing with the fear as it comes! There is nothing to fear, rather this is a chance for you to teach your mind that everything is okay!
- Date posted
- 3y
I was having this problem a few months ago. It got so bad that I started to feel like a lier to my boyfriend. I started to tell him all the time or mention that I found this one guy attractive. One day I ended up telling him and he legit didn’t even really care. He told me it was normal to find other people attractive even in a happy healthy relationship. But even after he told me that multiple times I couldn’t not feel calm. I would see the boy and think “omg your looking at him on purpose” etc etc. i had to learn to sit with the idea that 1. I do find him attractive and I kind of had to sit with all the the other negative things too. Are the thoughts gone…no but they are WAY BETTER and they can dk the same with u.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
I have just recently realized that I had SO OCD. This began whenever I was watching porn and had an intrusive thought about the guy in the porn. It was more minor at first, it was a majority of what I was thinking about throughout the day but it didn’t feel as distressing at first. If I had downtime to think about it, it would affect me but if I was just going about my day I wouldn’t notice it. I began going through the compulsions of checking myself. This lasted for a while until another obsession occurred. Then it seemed as if my SO OCD took a step back. I would have flare ups but they would seem to pass. Recently, I had a very bad night of constant compulsions and looking at pictures and imagining things to check myself. After that night it was very distressing, it affected me to the point where people around me began to notice and ask me if I was okay. One of the big reasons I was so upset was my girlfriend, we have been together for over 3 years and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I was thinking “Oh my god, if I am gay I can never be with her.” I would sit and cry about it thinking I would lose her and that might life would change because I was gay. I finally had enough and talked to her and my parents. We did some research and I was so shocked to find out that I had a form of OCD, it was like a weight being lifted off my shoulders just knowing that other people have been where I am and that I’m not gay. However, I may have naively expected the compulsions and obsessive thoughts to go away now that I knew I had an actual problem. But I found that the compulsions and thoughts were still there and I was going to put some effort into getting better. I have researched and now know what to do when experiencing intrusive thoughts, yet I still have been performing the compulsions which is just feeding into the OCD. I find myself having intrusive thoughts and then start performing compulsions to see if they are true. What really bothers me is when I have an intrusive thought that tells me that I do like something. But when I think about it I have no desire to pursue those thoughts. However when I feed into the compulsions they just seem to feed into each other. It is like my OCD ignores all the things that I know I like and goes straight to panic mode. I am also trying to do ERP and am going to start doing my best to get better. Does anyone have any tips for not performing the compulsions no matter how anxious you are feeling and no matter how real the intrusive thoughts seem to feel?
- Date posted
- 24w
I’m a good man and I know that. My OCD revolves around relationships. While dating someone a truly enjoy, I find myself needing to compulse everything on my mind or else I feel like I’m being a liar or keeping secrets. I also am pretty confident I suffer from false memory ocd. I don’t like to put a label on things but I’m 99.9% sure I do. My compulsions a lot of times come from things I’m not even sure are real. The more thought I put into them, the more I start to believe they are real. One of the worst compulsions I had in my relationship was I had a thought “what if I find my ex more attractive” and “what if I thought the sex with them was better”. I ended up compulsing these things to my gf. After lots of time to think and get a ahold of myself I was able to remind myself that these things weren’t true and I was just in a downward spiral. There was a 2-3 month period where every time I was relieved of something then I would instantly think of something else. These compulsions have caused insecurity in my gf and I feel like a terrible person. Never meant to hurt her at all and was just trying to find a sense of relief. While I know it is not true, I can’t fix things with words and I feel terrible. I would love to hear from people with tricks and strategies that can help. I love my gf and want to fix things and understand this is not a relationship fixer app but I would like to know what are some ways you are able to deal with these kind of things.
- Date posted
- 22w
Hi everyone! I have been having a rough time. So my boyfriend talks to his ex still as friends and I’ve been struggling with it lately and I can’t tell if it’s OCD or not but it does feel so distressing. She wasn’t texting him for about 2-3 months as she got into a relationship with this guy and they broke up. She had messaged him saying that she has no one else to talk to and needed to vent to someone. At first I felt okay, but my intrusive thoughts took over and it seemed like she was trying to get with him after the fact. It’s probably just my intrusive thoughts talking but he looks on Discord (the app where the message) constantly now and my intrusive thoughts convince me that he’s still in love with her. Then yesterday I saw one of his BeReals (a little photo app that shows a photo of the day) and I saw that he was watching one of her streams as she is a streamer. I struggled to talk about it because it made my worst thought feel like it came true where he is still in love with her. When we talked he gets a lil mad that I don’t tell him right away like straight up what I’m feeling but it’s hard to process because my thoughts flood in of all the worst things and I don’t want to come off as toxic at all and I know relationships are built on trust and I want to trust because this is literally the only thing that makes me nervous about him. It also doesn’t help that I’ve been cheated on before so I’m trying to protect myself but I’m lost. I get so depressed and so anxious because I feel like I have to grieve the relationship and it’s just so dramatic. I’ve never loved anyone like this before and I don’t wanna lose him by bringing this stuff up constantly when something occurs with his ex. I don’t know why I get triggered so easily and I just wanna heal from it and be the good girlfriend I’m supposed to be 😭
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