I recently have got it stuck in my head that I WANT to go down on a girl. And would prefer it more than a man. I have been ruminating for like three days now and comparing and check and I’m really exhausted. Does anyone have an idea for erp that I can use to work through this fear ?

Okay, Christine also what are you strategies for feelings like sadness or hopelessness while you’re doing this exercise. I feel like I’m discovering a part of myself and it’s very scary.

@Legallyocd Oof, I relate to that so much. I had a flare up the other day and it was awful, I was bawling and feeling super depressed. As odd as it may sound, doing it until those emotions settle is what you need to do. It took me about 2-3 months in rigorous ERP therapy to see that happen, so it’s a gradual process. Like I said, I had a flare up recently. But what helped me is to think about where the emotions are coming from, where are they rooted? OCD often comes with massive amounts of guilt, sadness, and shame, all things that are true for me. But understanding that these things will pass with time and treating myself with kindness and compassion has been my best trick. Allowing myself to cry, read my favorite book, spend time with a loved one. Basically an emotional recharge. When the clouds part, you can look back and see things more clearly for what they were.

@ChristineKJ Yeah I just tried listening to a loop for about seven minutes and my emotions got the best of me. I have therapy tomorrow so thankfully we can go over this ans work on it together. I know I’m going through a storm right now though because all of me wants to break up with my boyfriend find a woman (any woman) and go to down on them to confirm or deny my thoughts. Regardless of orientation that is just impulsive. The sense of urgency is what gives it away. But the convincing nature is what keeps me stuck. I get aroused I get naseuos I get a tightness in my chest I feel like crying and I can feel the sensations in my mouth.

@Legallyocd I get very strong sensations in my mouth as welll, its actually embarrassing

@Imaan7 It’s really the worse

@Legallyocd Because you feel like you crave it and want it

@Legallyocd God yes same! And my anxiety has subsided now so it just feels like what I really want but I’m just denying myself it

@BradOCD I can’t believe how powerful our brains are

@Legallyocd It just feels like my fear has come true and everyday gets harder because I feel more okay with it but then that makes me less okay

@BradOCD I really couldn’t have written this better myself

@Legallyocd But what happens when I wake up and I am okay? Do I leave my partner? Idk

@BradOCD So this is what I’m most comfortable with right now, you don’t have to leave. You truly do not know whether you will ever be okay with this or not. And the issue that all of have is that we get super ahead of ourselves to protect us from heartache and that is exactly what ocd wants you to do. It wants you to run away from fear instead of leaning into it. So these thoughts are all mechanisms to get us to respond that unhealthy way that we have been responding

@Legallyocd This is what I try to tell myself the truth that I’m looking for is that I don’t know what will happen.

@Legallyocd The thing is I have responded this way in the past, not with HOCD but with ROCD. And at the time it always felt like the right thing to do… to leave. And that’s how I feel now. But this seems worse one because I’ve never been in love this much but two because it’s not just playing on my relationship but my sexuality.

@BradOCD Right but in a way it makes sense that you have hocd now, because now that you found a relationship where you don’t have doubt that you love the person the ocd had to attach itself to your fears another way (by attacking your sexuality) so that you react the way you always have in the past

I have a boyfriend so I can’t do it but that’s a good idea about writing down a scenario

@Legallyocd I didn’t say to do it, don’t ever do what ocd tells you to do unless you actually want to. You asked for erp examples for this…

@Justmesadly Oh so what did you mean now do it ?

@Legallyocd I don’t see where I said “now do it”

@Justmesadly But how can you tell if you want to do something or not? There’s all sort of things that before this ocd period I would’ve never dreamed or thought of doing and now I do think about it.

Brad that’s exactly how I feel i miss when my ocd was dormant

@Legallyocd Same here! But then I thinking about it there were things that triggered me, but they’d just pass and I wouldn’t think about them again. But this time it’s like everything needs analysis.

@BradOCD Exactly