I am tired. I can’t live like this. I notice and think about it willingly or unwillingly but i just do long story short this is just too convincing cause i am doing this to myself no one is forcing them into my mind. I see something and instantly i notice and i keep noticing and then don’t realise that if i am okay with it is it again just denial. And then look twice why would i do that and then feel like i am forcing these compulsions i ask myself to willingly think about the compulsions to be in denial even while writing this i am so calm these thoughts just feel way to real can hocd actually make you think like you it is true what you’re not accepting and make you feel like you actually do like them in all ways?!?! I go out with a friend and i have an intrusive thought I don’t disgust it I don’t feel it’s something I don’t want but I don’t act upon it maybe cause i am scared so i start to avoid it or idk what and then i am like controlling myself from doing what the thought wants me to and its like will i be okay if i do that and that literally gives me like direct evidence of just being in denial and not accepting and sometimes i feel i even believe myself when i say that you’re just in denial that shouldn’t happen with hocd. Should i even do therapy if all this while its just what i wasn’t accepting?!?