Please help. When I was 15 - 17 i was on a app where you could chat with other people with your camera on. I masterbaited with women on this app. I did this often. I have bad guilt and shame over this. Idk if some one was too young to do this with me or if I showed my private parts to someone who didn’t wan to see or got traumatized by it. I know that people screen record chats like this and posts it on adult sites and I fear that I might be on the internet some wear and that someone will find it. I can’t remember if I showed my face when I chatted like this or if I only showed my private parts. I have extreme anxiety over this. I cry every night, have nightmares and wake up shaking and sweating. I feel discussing and I feel like I don’t deserve anything. I feel like I live a lie too the people I love that don’t know what I’ve done. I think about this event every day and I’ve thought about it every day for like 8 months now. It’s constantly in my head 24/7. I feel like I’m going insane. I feel depressed. Like my life is over. I don’t know how to get to peace with this. (I feel like I don’t deserve my girlfriend. I did this chat thing before I got my girlfriend just so you know). I’m 19 now. I’ve always confessed to my mom about things that I’m not proud of my whole life but this event I feel like I can’t confess about because I feel so much shame about it. I’m so scared please help. I don’t value my self high anymore and I just do things to make others happy. I just want this event to be undone. Please help me.

Thanks so much🥺!! I’m going to a therapist next month.

@Helllloo proud of you, you’ll do great!!

@jlxlz Thanks

Thanks💜

Thank you so much. How do you deal with the thoughts that maybe someone has posted videos of you doing these things on the internet or something. And the thoughts of people u know seeing those things?

@Helllloo I read other peoples experiences. Especially Celebrities, look how many of their nudes have been leaked, and their still acting and nothing bad has happened to them. I had one person actually threaten to leak mine, they turned out to be a fake profile. It’s just living knowing it sucks, but it’s not the worst, it’s happened to a lot of people who are still living good lives and being happy. Chris Evans accidentally posted his nude and everyone just thought it was funny and moved on. He’s still going to play Buzz Lightyear next year lol, it’s okay, just leave it in the past. Just laugh it off and spend time with your gf, and know that this most definitely doesn’t make you unworthy of having her in your life, you’ll be okay!

@OCDHaver I can’t thank you enough. One thing more is how do I deal with the feeling that I’m living a lie if I don’t tell people about all this. Espesialy my gf and my parents. Should I tell them?

@Helllloo You don’t have to tell everyone, but if you think it might help you feel better you could, just make sure you trust them and that they’ll hear you out. I told my mom, and she wasn’t really happy about it lol, but she told me it is what it is and that it’s not that bad. My friends laughed and made a couple of jokes, but they said I shouldn’t worry about it. If I ever had a gf and she told me this exact thing, I most definitely wouldn’t hate her, I would tell her what I told you. Like you said, you were 15-17, and you haven’t done this in two years, before you started dating her, you’re okay, you’ll be surprised how many secrets people hide, we’ve all done things we’re not proud of, and your situation definitely isn’t the worst, not even close. But be careful, confessing is also a compulsion and could make you feel worse in the long run, but if you feel it best to tell your parents and gf, you should

@OCDHaver Thanks

@OCDHaver Maybe I should just tell them I’m struggling with real event ocd. Not the exact details idk.

@Helllloo That’s good too, just know that these experiences don’t make you a monster or a bad person, just a hormonal kid lol

Thank you so much! How are you doing now? I hope your doing well❤️

@ode Good too hear:)

Me too! Exact same! Hearing that you're better now gives me hope! X