I’ve been doing pretty well all day dismissing the thoughts but I had a thought “I’m going to break up with him tonight” and now it just feels like I’m going to and like I want to. When I argue with it it doesn’t sound right. I barely even tried to argue with it

my thoughts are screaming at me telling me that i dont want my relationship anymore and that i realized i lost feelings. i have a beautiful relationship of two years with a beautiful boy that loves me dearly and i deal with this thoughs for a year and a half. Im so scared it feels so real im scared i have changed and my last therapy session made it worse she basically told me i have to realise the thoughts are true and stop lying to myself. And made me think i am so scared and heartbroken bc i put high expectations on myslef to be with my boyfriend for all my life. Maybe i dont want to hurt him??? im always questioning my feelings for him 24/7 for over a year. I wm tierd

My brain keeps comparing how I felt then with the same thoughts to now and how it is diff now to prove it had changed. I’m feeling like I know it isn’t right and that maybe I’d pair better and I want to be with someone who is good for me but I also don’t want to break up and can’t tell if that’s the ocd using his faults against me. I feel like if I were to tell someone I have no feelings at all for him anymore I’d know I’d be lying and doesn’t feel right but when I say the opposite it doesn’t feel right either. I’m also worried that this time it is real and it’s the guilt of not telling him that’s making the ocd worse not that it’s just ROCD. My thoughts are also saying so many diff things I’m confused. It feels like I can’t connect to him anymore or like I don’t have empathy which scares me cause I know I did before and I felt it but is it just that I’m frustrated w some of the issues? But it’s upsetting it feels like I don’t have the endearing feelings and love I felt and I want it to come back but then I also think I don’t cause then it will prevent be from seeing what else is out there And the thing is looking back on how it was I feel like I could def see how that was ocd but this is different… and like I at least felt I knew I loved him or wanted to be with him and i had thoughts of wanting to be with someone who this or someone who this but I didn’t actually want it and now it feels like this time I rly do mean it like I want to find better qualities but I still don’t wanna move on from him and my brain is like wel that’s how everyone feels when they breakup regardless…it rly doesn’t feel like ocd anymore 😭 and my thoughts keep saying if you don’t you don’t like this or that and it most likely won’t change cause you have been with him so long why are you with him and then I feel guilty like I need to tell him

Does anyone get “what if I don’t wanna be with my partner and I wanna be with someone else but I don’t wanna get hurt so I won’t break up? “ wouldn’t I know? I’ would’ve done it by now