I had my first NOCD appointment on Friday. I really liked my therapist. I'm feeling very vulnerable because talking about my illness and my past memories and experiences has triggered me a lot and I'm feeling very depressed. I feel like life is a lot for me. I've been crying every day, so my chest is sore, and I've barely been eating or sleeping properly, so my body feels tired. I hope it gets better.

I had a very bad session with a therapist today (NOT FROM NOCD). She basically told me I can’t be helped without medication, said I am too needy and if I keep being needy, people will continue to leave me, and my past trauma from relationships is my fault. I then had a second session with my old therapist who helped process and explain that OCD is lifelong and some people manage it but others have flare ups and I think I’m having a bad flare up (a month long basically) and that I may need medication which I’m terrified to go back on. Does it get better? Will I need meds? I’m scared. I don’t want to get worse and I don’t want these thoughts to scare me.

I’m considering trying therapy through nocd. This is too heavy for me to try and hold in anymore. I had a really bad night last night. I don’t want to use my mom’s insurance so I’d be self pay. Has anyone tried and is it worth it in your opinion? I’m afraid this is starting to affect my relationship and even my job+ feels more debilitating than ever. I think it might be time I’m also so shy. I wish I could do text therapy rather than phone visit 😫 any advice? I’m sure it’s not as bad as I imagine it’ll be. If anything I’ll bet it’s nice and I won’t feel the need to hold back. I’m also not diagnosed yet, has anyone gotten a diagnosis from doing therapy this way?

(21+ ONLY: TRIGGER WARNING) I have therapy today and I’m nervous. I just started going to therapy and I really like my therapist. She talked to me about doing ERP and I’m really nervous about it. I’m scared to tell her the extent of my OCD, and my themes. I’m scared to tell her about my false memory OCD, because I’m scared that what I did was real and I’m just excusing it as false memory, although I have no memory of it. I’m scared that I am truly a monster and I’m using OCD as an excuse—and that she’ll find out and distance herself. I’m just scared that my whole world is gonna fall apart, all around me.